Opinionated Family

[Tanishq]

I focus on that fact that they want to help, and their willingness to help is more important than the delivery of it.

Marine, Makes great sense. You have right to look for this. It is for your own safety. Nice opinion. *smiles back at you*

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I think family is by choice as I have had to cut off members of my own family because they were so toxic.

I think family builds each other up. It is not abusive in any way. Family does things together. To be glad to be in each others company. They talk and laugh together. Family helps each other out with good boundries and the ability to say no to each other. It is not controlling.

When there is a difference of opinion they remember to be kind to each other. They support each others interests.

My family is my husband and my daughter and her family. We will be going to their house for the holidays.

I meet with my daughter to have coffee. We do not go anywhere together unless it is shopping because my husband is so sick and I am his caregiver and he cannot be home alone very long by himself. I love my family very much.

I have a sister who is toxic and I stay in touch by the phone only. She is dying because she abused her body so much when she was younger. I will have to have good boundries with her during this time.

 

[saffy]

And when they do say this, it plays into the part of me that doubts myself and thinks I am doing the wrong thing.

Hi Phillippa
That is interesting. I think I have understood you right.
I sometimes still have doubts about making decisions and judgements and sticking to them. The conditioned negative talk really cocks things up sometimes.

FOr years I was told I was wrong in every decision I made, I was told I always made the wrong judgements and told I either did not feel my own feelings or that my own feelings were stupid or wrong. Without getting any guidance as what the right decisions and judgements should have been or being acknowledged that I did the right thing or I had the right to feel like I did and my feeling were correct I would not be in such conflict about making decision, judgements and to trust or understand my feelings now.

To help myself I now have to be really honest with myself with the way I feel and try to banish any negative conditioned thoughts as irrational and not correct. I think really carefully about making a decision and stick to it but know it is always subject to change, nothing is written in stone. But I do have to trust me.


Hi Jaret

I think much the same. I certainly do not think that a 'family' has to be blood. It is the feeling you get from a person that makes you feel unconditionally loved and accepted. I know now that it is these qualities I should be looking for in people around me. More importantly it should come natural to them.

I am definately starting to understand and trust my feelings, acknowledge them and act on them if they are negative or positive. This has allowed me to have the choice in who I have in my life, not on a needy or victim basis but a choice based on my needs.

I am estranged from all my family except for my daughter, my son and my grandson. That is my family. Friends come and go, real ones I keep in touch with. Other people are carefully selected aquaintances.

Best wishes
Saffy :)

 

[Philippa]

Thanks saffy, yes, that is pretty much the same for me. I've had so many people treat me like my decisions and feelings are stupid and wrong, that it's hard to know...especially when I have trouble trusting myself. I felt like I screwed up so badly with the decision to get into the car when I got sexually assaulted, that ever since I have been crawling around in the dark trying to get that sense of trust in my own judgement back.

I feel like I have made some progress though in some areas. It's slowly getting there...but very slowly. I feel like I have been doing well in the last year anyway.

 

[Tanishq]

I've had so many people treat me like my decisions and feelings are stupid and wrong, that it's hard to know

I always find this people very tricky. I never feel comfort with them and took it as sign to get away as soon as possible. They are intimidating and will eventually may make you feel like beat down.

I am sorry Philippa. :( I am glad to see you are progressing ahead and upwards.

 

[Tanishq]

I have a sister who is toxic and I stay in touch by the phone only. She is dying because she abused her body so much when she was younger. I will have to have good boundries with her during this time.

gizmo, that's sad for them. I am glad you're keeping boundaries with them. I am also doing that.

Sadly My young sis is also a bully. She told me couple of days ago that she is uses people who are emotionally weak and she enjoys much. She was telling me that she will make me realize of my own mistake. She wants to be mirror. I felt bad that she thinks she is trying to be my master. She will never succeed in this and I have started feeling to stay away from her as much possible. I see no meaning to explain things neatly to her. Though when she sounds good, only then I will talk to her.

I don't/can't stand bullies. It does invoke me to find their own mistakes.

I won't feel bad to find myself that I am very estranged from every family members. They are very harmful.

 

[Tanishq]

I am estranged from all my family except for my daughter, my son and my grandson. That is my family. Friends come and go, real ones I keep in touch with. Other people are carefully selected aquaintances.

I liked reading your thoughts. They are much positive and healthy.

Thank you Saffy for your sharing opinion about family. :)

 

[MissMacD]

One of the things with PTSD is that it isn't something you can see and unless you are super empathetic it can be endlessly frustrating to explain to someone what it feels like to deal with PTSD on a daily basis. The only people I can tell about my PTSD are the empathetic ones, anyone else I have to avoid the subject because it only causes me further trauma.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I wish I had come from a healthier family. When I got the money to escape my fathers home I felt bad about abandoning my brothers and sister to him. But that was in the seventies. The police were called once and my dad talked his way out of it. My dad and mom were bullies. My sister is a bully. My younger brother is a bully.

i am amazed at how different I am. I was always different from them. I think it begins in childhood. I had to have made the choice to be different than them. I was so messed up. There were no signs of health to be found in my family. It was a free for all, everyone out for himself. We were too busy surviving.

I feel like I crawled out of the snake pit and blindly made me way into real life. I had guys asking me out and it scared me. So when my future husband came around I jumped at the chance to be his wife.

His family looked normal to me. Boy was I ever wrong. They looked good and could be nice, but his dad was a bullying tyrant who was an alcoholic. We had so many problems with him.

I still had contact with my dad at the beginning of my marriage. But I soon cut him off. We had so many problems with my husbands sister and her husband. She is the mother of the young man on death row now for arson and murder.

We finally cut them out of our life. I was blind and not knowing what I was doing. I did not know how to think for myself. I had no boundries. I had everything to learn and it was so many painful and costly lessons. My dad was a snob. He thought he was better than anyone else I grieve what I never had. I wish so much I had ben born into a better family. Now I have to reconcile the truth with reality. I did come from that family that disintegrated.

I liked it better when my sister lived in another state. I had alot of distance from her. Now we are only an hour away from each other and I am trying to keep it as a phone only relationship. My parents were bullies and tyrants and they ruled with iron fists. All we could do was survive it.

 

[Tanishq]

So when my future husband came around I jumped at the chance to be his wife.

gizmo, anyone in our situation would jump to brighter chance. Why even letting go it? But you dealt with its consequences very well. That's what I like about you. You always try to deal with situations with positive mindset and make effort some effective efforts. Very few people manage to do so. You have become much responsible person. You acted with responsibility.

I think, it's very hard thing to make one's own family. Everyone has to participate with equality and positivity. Then you can make your family very nice and based on strong bonds. You're an inspiration for your daughter and your daughter learned from you. How great! :inlove: You have made your own family. It's very cute family of your own.

I don't think everyone gets good family. I did think and desired to have good family. But I now understand it's up to us and others,too. How they deal with family. It's like having unity in love ways.

My family don't have much responsible people. All are defensive and trying to defend their own position to live and have gone towards power based live. They show power to impress other and never deal with love. I think it is going to cost them big time and I hope they realize their own mistakes.

If we had to leave bad family for our own good, I think we are not betraying them behind. We are trying to take care of ourselves and trying to carry some precious belief that family is good thing. You took care of yourself and look you created your own family. I doubt if you lived with them and created so many things.

I am happy to see you here. :hug:

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Thank you Jaret for the kind words. Alot of what you said makes sense. Someday you will have a family of your own. I think you would be a wonderful husband and father because you are such a caring person.

 

[Tanishq]

it can be endlessly frustrating to explain to someone what it feels like to deal with PTSD on a daily basis.

Oh Miss MacD, You're right. I have been here so many times. It has been very frustrating for me,too. I agree with you on talking with only empathic people.