Touch / Physical Holding

[Pencil]

It's all in the mind, not in the heart anymore, and that's where I need healing. My mind can take care of itself--it's done that for years...but my heart needs help

I understand your feelings Noah. I am also sick to death with talking about emotional pain and need. Try going to a GP and TALKING about your broken leg, and you'll experience the same despair.

YOu have to trust your adult self to take care of the child. But that does NOT mean that you can parent or re-parent the child. I know this is another controversial view, but I honestly believe, based on the writings and views of some psychologists with more than two brain cells, that it is IMPOSSIBLE. What I mean is that your adult self has to make decisions regarding the child, and protect it against people who ignore it/him, refuse to engage with it/him, etc, and then get it to the right person for the right help. And don't get bullied out of that idea. You KNOW what you need. Getting it is not easy - in fact I'm beginning to realise how difficult it is, but you can't settle for something that is more hurtful in the end.

I'll be thinking of you. ((((((((((((Noah))))))))))))))

 

[Pencil]

Flipping heck Pencil, give a gal a break!!! I picked the icon based on the image rather than the verbal description. I didn't think that 'Not Worthy' was quite right but pictorially it fitted.

THen when you pulled me up on it and asked why 'Not Worthy' I felt that knot in my stomach and the block in my throat that I do when I can't describe what I'm feeling and I felt a bit teary.

Springer, although the icon (visually) conveys - to me - something more like a child in hiding, today I am going through the 'unworthy' bit. It is part of the attachment disorders, which is my # 1 problem. Have you read Kenneth Ma's articles? I'm feeling extremely down about it all, and cancelled the appointment with the T.

But no, not going to give you a break :)

 

[Pencil]

. I'd feel like it was a trick ready to be reversed and that tension makes me feel unworthy, my disbelief makes me feel unworthy. And because I feel I don't know how to return or invest myself appropriately without wanting too much from someone else? I feel like my someone took my transaction machine and messed the conversion rate up. That even though in my heart my intentions are innocent and good that I short I either short change myself or the other person somehow.

I know exactly what you mean.

 

[Springer80]

...today I am going through the 'unworthy' bit. It is part of the attachment disorders, which is my # 1 problem. Have you read Kenneth Ma's articles? I'm feeling extremely down about it all, and cancelled the appointment with the T.

Hi Pencil,

Sorry it's been rough the last day or so. How are you feeling now? How come you cancelled your T appointment? Couldn't face it? Well you can probably guess what I'm gonna say...Isn't when your feeling the most rubbish that you should go and see your T?Mind you I'm hiding in the woods at the mo so can't exactly sermomise from here! :D

Anyway, no I haven't read Ma's articles...I'm trying to 'stick with the feeling' :rolleyes: rather than doing my scholastic removal trick! :geek:

Hope you feel better :hug:

 

[Springer80]

Hi Pencil,

I've been reading the first couple chapters of Websters PhD. I need to put these down quickly...

I've been sitting on the floor for months, I won't sit on chairs.
I curl and wrap myself up instinctively.
The reasons I have got 'chronic fatigue' I think are actually a form of regression. I'm physically and cognitively restricted bug time.
I've been trying to get receieved by my own mother and ex fiance since 2009.
I've been to chiroppractors and told my friend I felt like I should burst into tears when he touched me, I wanted to put couldn't/didn't.

I've been doing yoga and suanas and baths etc to try and alleviate the need to be held.

I think the evidence is pretty compelling, don't you.

I think I need to articulate this regressive state that has taken hold of my life and I think I can only do it with touch.

Had to type that quick.....I like what I've read so far...I'll post about that later....:hug:

 

[Pencil]

Hi Pencil,

How come you cancelled your T appointment? Couldn't face it? Well you can probably guess what I'm gonna say...Isn't when your feeling the most rubbish that you should go and see your T?Mind you I'm hiding in the woods at the mo so can't exactly sermomise from here! :D

Anyway, no I haven't read Ma's articles...I'm trying to 'stick with the feeling' :rolleyes: rather than doing my scholastic removal trick! :geek:

Hope you feel better :hug:

I'll inbox you about it. But the reasons will become clearer when I respond to your next post.

 

[Pencil]

Hi Pencil,


I've been sitting on the floor for months, I won't sit on chairs.
I curl and wrap myself up instinctively.

Yes

to try and alleviate the need

Yes

I think the evidence is pretty compelling, don't you.

Absolutely

I think I need to articulate this regressive state that has taken hold of my life and I think I can only ...

Yes, and that's why I don't want to go and sit and have a rational conversation with T4

Had to type that quick.....I like what I've read so far...I'll post about that later....:hug:

:hug:

 

[ashabelle]

My therapist let me know that he "offers hugs" early on in our work together during a tough moment, but that I needed to ask for it and he wouldn't mention it again. I am extremely uncomfortable with just about any close physical contact, but really wish I could just accept the comfort of a hug. Not sure why the idea of asking is so terrifying to me.

 

[Loveneverfails]

I can imagine it would be terrifying inviting someone into your space physically in a setting where we're often already so vulnerable. It sounds though like your T is very aware of that and setting the healthy boundary there for your needs at the start, at the very least you know its available if you need it.

It makes sense that so many of us struggle with this issue in therapy, myself included. I, in fact, was triggered horribly even when I asked for one. I have to wonder if anyone in a similar situation to ours ever overcame the issue?

 

[seekingstability]

I've read through this entire thread and am overwhelmed with feelings of identifying with you and feeling validated. Thank you so much! I have downloaded and printed the links to 'Physical Holding in Psychotherapy', 'Finding the Edge' and 'Dependency in the Treatment of CPTSD and Dissociative Disorders'.

Tonight I'm actually looking forward to my husband going and playing tennis! Hopefully I will also have the balls to talk to my T about it tomorrow. I'm also stuck Pencil in being terrified of touch but desperately craving/needing it at the same time. My T and I discussed touch early on and I talked about my fear of dependency - at that time we decided to put physical touch on the shelf until trust was built. We've hugged once when I gave her a Christmas present.

I've seen her for about 10mths now and last week was a particularly tough session but with a breakthrough in that I dissociated and was back in the room where the abuse took place - for the first time though - I could still see and hear my therapist and talk to her while seeing the bed/walls of the room. She is very open to research I present to her and is guided by me so I'm hoping that this will be the same. :)

 

[Leigh925]

After months of working with my therapist he brought up that we had never even shaken hands. We ended up talking about boundaries, hugs and transference. It was a difficult and kind of embarrassing conversation for me but it has been so worth it. It has been an interesting process dealing with childhood sexual trauma with a male therapist. I was worried about it alot but after not having much success with female therapist I decided to try something different. It actually has been great. The first time we hugged a huge wave of emotion came over me and I cried for one of the first times in therapy. It was extremely healing. I think I let go more hurt during that hug than I did through months of previous talk therapy. I did go through a period of feeling extremely dependant on him but as I am healing that is getting better as well and actually I kind of think it was necessary because I had learned "never to depend on anyone because they will hurt you". I am slowly learning that there are people I can trust.

 

[Pencil]

I think I let go more hurt during that hug than I did through months of previous talk therapy.

This is what I know instinctively. I think there is so much that one could never verbalize anyway. What people tend to overlook is the fact that when you deal with childhood trauma, a lot of that happened at an age you can't even remember, but you sit with the residual feelings, fears, thought patterns, etc. Talking can't reach it, but physical contact or closeness, and feeling of comfort and safety, were what was needed then, as it is now.