Touch / Physical Holding

[agirls]

My therapist hugs. A few months into therapy I mentioned that I like hugs (in the context of something we were discussing) and at the end of the session she said "Now that I know you like hugs, can I give you a hug?" I was totally surprised but it was very comforting. She has hugged me at the end of sessions if I've asked. She also held me when I was really upset after a terrible session with my husband and after a friend completed suicide. Lately touch has been much more a part of my sessions. I have an extensive trauma history involving sexual abuse and stalking by a neighbor. Recently I was getting a lot of confusing memories and three weeks ago it became clear to me that they were related to repressed memories of abuse by my father. The things that have surfaced have been horrible. Worse than anything that contributed to the PTSD diagnosis I already had. It's been a horrible three weeks. She's increased my sessions and I generally keep a lot in until I get there because I don't trust so much of what's coming up. So I fall apart the minute I walk in the door. She has come over to the couch I sit on and held me while I've sobbed. She asks before she comes over but safety is a huge issue for me and her touch makes me feel very safe. I'm very lucky she is willing to do that. She also hugs me at the end of every session. It's very healing to me.

 

[Ariadne]

I had a time when I wanted to be held by my therapist (from a few years ago) but then even in my mind my infant self came out and wanted to nurse! :(
I was very disturbed by those thoughts as well as imagining myself as an infant in her arms. Later after therapy ended and my child self disappeared my feelings for that former T went very sexual, and oddly then when I saw her at an event she did hug me, twice. What shocked me was that usually something like that would make me feel like crawling out of my own skin to get away, but with her, it was like I just relaxed. I even relax just remembering it even though it was nearly a year ago and events since then have been hurtful.

The only other time touch came up with a therapist she was having counter-transference issues so her touch and wanting to touch me felt invasive.

 

[NTISRAEL]

Hi
This topic's pretty loaded for me. My close friend 's doing this physical holding therapy and has been pretty badly effected by the strong errotic transference that ensued. I tried doing research on the topic but kept on bumping into a dead end. Seems like it's not studied much. If anyone knows of any ideas that would help erotic transference please let me know...

 

[Holly James]

I wish my therapist would be willing to incorporate touch. but he would never do that...and he won't even...

Hi! I got my Masters in Mental Health Counseling and have now been a practicing therapist for the last 5 years. I like to incorporate hug and holding therapy into my sessions only if it is needed and the client feels comfortable. I think there are many people who benefit from positive, healing touch. I also think there are a lot of people who want to cry, want to release deep areas of trauma, and this can only happen when they feel safe in the arms of someone they trust. Please let me know if anyone has any questions about it.

 

[RoadtoHappy]

I’m very lucky. My T will move to the chair beside me if I’m having a panic attack and will place her hand gently on mine during the peak or sometimes will place her hand gently on my shoulder for a moment. She has also rubbed my back, held my hair and placed her hand on my forehead while I humiliatingly puke into her bin.

We have very good boundaries which would never be crossed but I have to say that I really appreciate and am blessed that to have found her ( I had 2 other t’s Before her that I didn’t connect with) and I find these subtle gestures comforting at times when I couldn’t feel any lower.

 

[Rose White]

This was a very helpful thread. I thought my therapist was so strict with her boundaries because she wouldn’t hold me, but now I realize that her end-of-session hugs and self-disclosure are boundary crossings (but not violations) that help me feel safe and trust her.

Like many on here that I have read their threads, my desire to regress and to be held rose up and weighed heavily each session—I talked about it, I ignored it, I insinuated it, I cried about it on the way home in the car, I hated myself for wanting it.

My desire to be held was so strong and so painfully contributing to my depression that I researched “emotional release massage” for my area and found someone who does it. I actually found more than one, and they all use different techniques. I had to go with my gut on which one to contact and she turned out to be a good fit so far.

I have gone once and I will go again, probably about every 2-4 weeks depending on my schedule because she doesn’t work on weekends. I had never had a professional massage before that.

Her method is called Trager and it is not really holding, which is what drove me there, but it did help me to grieve so much more than I am able to with talking alone. Honestly, just her touch caused a torrent of emotions and then my body wouldn’t stop shaking (it does this during talk therapy too, when I regress or emotions rise up.). The method is very gentle, sort of a rocking back and forth with each muscle group. Maybe the rocking motion helps fill my need for holding.

It was a powerful experience and my T said its a great way for me to meet my needs and to work through the touch issue. She said that when I came to therapy after my first massage session that my face looked brighter and not in pain like she had been used to seeing.

I wanted to share this for anyone who is desperate for touch but their therapist can’t deliver due to their modality. I like my therapist, I didn’t want to lose the talking connection. So I feel this is the next best thing.