Therapist Refuses To Start Emdr...and That Is Why I Went To Her

[TeaLeaf]

I have a long term therapist but decided to take a break from her to go to a therapist who does EMDR. I felt like I had improved a lot and sort of plateaued, I still have intrusive memories and feel somewhat disconnected from others and wanted to try a different technique.

I am really frustrated right now at the EMDR therapist. We were supposed to start it last session and she decided not to because I had something important going on later in the day. Now this time I come in and she says we have to talk about something that had already been resolved in a previous session- misunderstanding on session scheduling. I told her that I am not upset about it anymore but she didn't believe me and kept pressing me to talk about things over and over and her refusal to listen to me caused me to start getting angry.

I asked her if she could give me a timeline for when the eye movement phase would actually be starting versus preparing for it and she could not give it a timeline (I of course I have to pay her $120/hr until she decides I am ready). Nothing was progressing and I ended up punching my fist down on the couch which I immediately regretted. I suppose I felt I was being strung along and things were changing every session. It was clear things were going nowhere so I left midsession

I have moved around a lot and have had many therapists, I've never been so angry and acted the way I did. I don't plan to go back to her but am curious as to how many sessions those that have done EMDR needed to start the eye movement/tones/tapping phase or whatever left/right technique your therapist used. Also, those of you that have had EMDR for multiple childhood trauma, was it worth it?

I feel really let down, embarrassed of how I acted and weary of trying again with another therapist.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I am sorry your therapist did this to you. If I were you I would feel proud of getting angry. It was very appropriate. You were stretched to the limits and she was not seeing or hearing you. I have had emdr and had one session to talk about what we would do. She took a list of the traumas I wanted to work on. T. .hen we proceeded to do a session at a time. I worked on some seperate memories of childhood trauma. Not the whole childhood.

It has changed my life for the better. I was so tormented by the memories before i had it. Now they do not bother me at all. I am so glad I did it.

I wish you the best on finding another therapist that is a good match. I loved my therapist. She is gentle and sweet and although sometimes it was hard talking about the traumas I did it and feel so much better.

I am so sorry you had such a bad experience that is so discouraging. I wish you the best on your hunt. Emdr is so worth it. I hope you have the same experience as I had.

 

[TeaLeaf]

Thank you Gizmo, I appreciate your response.

Did you see your therapist a long time for traditional talk therapy before the subject of EMDR came up? Or was it literally 1 session and the EMDR was started? (I saw the EMDR therapist I mentioned 3 times before I quit)

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Hi Tea, I saw her for one session before. She was a therapist trained for emdr. I had not seen her before. My psychiatrist made a referral for me to have it. I like him, he is a good guy. I was so grateful to him to have the opportunity. My HMO has funny policies. They do not believe in long term therapy anymore. They used to. I will be starting a support group next after the emdr. It will meet twice a month.

 

[TeaLeaf]

Just to clarify, did you start the eye movement part (or tone or tapping or whatever method you therapist uses) after one session? If not, how long did it take to do the eye movements/tones/tapping?

Thanks so much for answering!

 

[Abstract]

Tealeaf,
Are there any other factors that could be things that made her want to be cautious? It seems EMDR can go wrong. It sounds like you were very ready but I thought I would ask.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

We started out with rapid eye movement but that did not work out for me so we switched to hand tapping which worked for me alot better.It takes as long as it takes. I would work on two memories in a hour session. I was really ready for it. She says I am amazing how well it worked out for me. Hope this helps.

 

[TeaLeaf]

Hi Abstract- Her rationale was that she thought I was till upset about something that happened at a previous session and I was not. She would not let it go. I also mentioned that I had some conflict at work earlier in the week briefly but it was resolved and it was no more than normal. I have a high stress job but I manage it well, there is always conflict and I deal with it. Even in my worst episodes of PTSD, I never had problems at work, at most, I took a day or two off and that not too often.

My frustrations were that she was not allowing me to express how I felt and trust me and there was always some new reason why we couldn't start. She could not give me an idea of how much longer it would take to even start the EMDR processing, that was the final straw. I am sorry but if I am paying you $120/hr for something and you can't tell me how much longer it will take to even start this, I am going to start to question if it is worth it to continue.

 

[Bilby]

TeaLeaf - my husband does EMDR and he had around 5 sessions with this psychiatrist before he started doing the EMDR therapy. Everything before that was 'preparation' for it.

 

[lighteningdarkness]

Hi TeaLeaf, sorry to hear about your difficulties with your T. I also think your reaction (the way you describe it) were appropriate. My T goes on and on about 'me being in control' and we do work on stuff (CBT wise) when she clearly thinks we shouldn't be.

The EMDR is different though, control wise, at least I found it so. My experience was that I completely gave myself to my T for that period of time to manage and take care of me, whilst I experienced all the stuff that came back during the processing. Sorry, that's a little of thread.

I saw my T for 6 months before we started the EMDR. I originally went to her through a work referral for work related stress. But clearly the issues were nothing to do with work :rolleyes:. The PTSD symptoms were getting out of control but it took me until 5 months to admit that there was trauma & scary symptoms. We then had 2 more sessions and started on the EMDR.

I found it extremely effective but also the most difficult and painful thing ever. We used hand tapping and hour and a half sessions, to ensure I was safe at the end. I found it completely consuming, the processing goes on for a couple of days after the session, so take care of yourself. Perhaps this is your T's hesitation? Perhaps further discussion about what your coping mechanisms are, how you will keep yourself safe. Not sure.

We used to take a break from EMDR every 4th session to check on progress, what else was going on in life, how I was managing etc. which I found very useful.

Do you have a way of contacting her? Perhaps a structured email explaining your frustrations, how you manage the stress of life and requesting a time frame / structure to your sessions. She does have a responsibility to ensure you are well and safe, but, like you say for that amount of money I'd want to crack on with it too.

 

[faraway]

I see a trauma specialist for complex childhood trauma - I have no real memories before the age of 13 and a whole bunch of negative ones stretching throughout my adult life. He has diagnosed me with complex PTSD and DDNOS. I have been seeing him for 8 weeks and last week we tried EMDR and, at the time and a couple of days after, I thought nothing happened. Then, on Saturday morning I had a bit of a meltdown and emailed him a novella. Things have been getting progressively worse since then with nightmares and funny pains in my head and body. :/

Anyway, when he replied to my email (which expressed anxiety about the EMDR not working and that our sessions have been going really slowly and covering a lot of easy stuff), he said the reason he was going slowly is because I am "full" and that we have to have some stability before we can really do a lot of the processing work. He also said that he thought the EMDR did work, hence the giant email full of all kinds of fears and worries and darkness. I think he is right too - I think it left a door ajar and now things are starting to creep through it.

Point being, maybe your EMDR therapist also feels the same way with you? Maybe they want to build stability first? If you don't trust them and think they are ripping you off, is trust an issue of yours? If not, maybe try another EMDR therapist and see what they say?

 

[TeaLeaf]

Hi LightandDarkness- Thanks for the reply.

We talked about coping mechanisms in the first and second session and she commented that I have many good skills that I use. I am sure that hitting the couch did nothing to prove to her that I can cope with stress though. I do sometimes hit things when I am mad but have done so only maybe once a year. I should comment I have been seeing a CBT therapist for many years and she didn't even bother to contact them to consult on the progress I have made there. (I signed a release 3 weeks ago and spoke with the CBT therapist today).

The only way of contacting her is by phone. Email would be nice but that was not offered so I will stick with phone.