What Are You Feeling Today? Not Thinking, Rather Feeling! Can You Identify Yours?

[KatB]

Today: pensive, philosophical, and downright depressed. Deeply. Miserably. Inhibited anger.

 

[Sedd]

Tis not crazy at all Sedd.

When I have an understanding of why I feel the way I do, then I feel better, But when part of me wants and creates a fear that I will be hated for, so isolation is safer ( shamed/ trauma in childhood and everyone will know, blame me) then I push away the closest of people in my life. Yes this feels crazy.
I make myself "isolated safe", but at a cost of living as if Im dragging an anchor through the sand.
If the people who love me, will hate me then yes isolation is safer, if everyone will hate me, yes, safer in isolation.
I know they dont hate, but this protection is stuck from childhood and there is an internal drive to create the hate so it then activates this isolation protection that I needed in childhood. leave me alone, you cant get me...your hate cant get me..
They will hate, too much pain, leave me alone :(

Thanks for letting me release.

 

[ms spock]

I relate Sedd, I have an interpersonal and survival style that means I really want connection with other people and I am alsosimultaneously terrified of contact. I totally understand what you are talking about - I isolate - feel unloveable, unwanted and rejected. Totally get what you are talking about.

 

[MomOfTwo]

I had a wonderful day. It is lonely without the girls. But we had a blast. I am very happy that it was such a full and busy day. I am the closest to being contented that I have been in a very long time.

You are an inspiration. So much adversity in your life as of late and you point out the wonderful things. You always seem to have perspective. It is so important to point out the positives because the negatives can swallow you up into what seems like a vaccum at times. You are such a good supporter of your husband. I am sure it is so hard for him as well having this disease and not having all the abilities he had before. I am sure he appreciates so much the love you have for him and your selflishness. It is hard to be a nurturer and caregiver all the time and I hope you get some caretaking of your self as well.

 

[amethist]

I am feeling like I jinxed myself yesterday.

I said hubby had not had a PTSD spike for ages, then he goes and has one last night.

I will keep quiet next time.

 

[intothelight]

I can feel the anxiety levels creeping up and the racing brain starting. Have a whole lot of fear and negative thinking. Grabbing the bull by the horns and going to do my best to catch it early. So much emotion under the surface that I have no clue how to handle, as I don't want to just melt down into a pile of messy tears.

Months ago, at melt down might be an angry outburst at myself or someone around me who didn't deserve it. Overreacting to something small that tapped into the emotion held within. Now the emotions just flood out and I become a babbling mess of tears, hurt, and pain.

No one knows how to deal with someone who can be so normal for so many days and then a basket case on others. I honestly don't know how to deal with myself sometimes. I guess I will do the best I can. Oh shit here come the tears any way.

 

[ms spock]

I feel relaxed. I feel washed out. I feel like I am not a frozen block of concrete.

 

[DharmaGirl]

I feel afraid because my walking is getting worse and more and more painful. I trip a lot. I also feel energized to a certain degree.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I am feeling anxious today. I am going out in alittle bit and hope it will make me feel better.

 

[Sazza]

I have cried a river these last couple days, last night I sobbed my eyes out and have been sobbing again tonight. I just feel so emotional think being off antidepressants may now be kicking in its 10 days now since we stopped them.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I changed into my sweats. I am taking it easy. I am still battling the old anxiety and having some success. I am trying not to be such a victim with victim thinking.

 

[GreenFrog2]

I am living on the edge. My bank account is hemorrhaging money, and I have almost no work at the moment - truly terrifying. Too exhausted to be able to find more work. What happens when I can't pay the rent anymore. I have no one to help me with this, and feel like I am going to crash big time. What can I do?