Trust Too Easily

[MissMacD]

I am so lucky that I didn't end up in and out of jail. I stole a car when I was 16 when I was high out of my mind on drugs but it was the car of someone I knew so I didn't get charged. The only real drug abuse that happened was in my early teens and I stopped doing it because I didn't like who it made me become.

Crack and meth hit my home town really hard around the time I left so the amount of break ins and drug related crimes has gone through the roof. That's a place I NEVER wanted to be.

I do have friends in the city I live in now, I don't hang out with them much. I prefer to stay at home most of the time with my boyfriend, my dogs and my boyfriends brother who are much better company than most of my friends.

 

[Helliepig]

I think when we have been brought up amongst people who trash our boundaries that setting those boundaries in later life is really hard. Partly because it is unfamiliar - I often feel quite aggressive when I set boundaries, as if I'm being really provocative, as if looking after myself is an evil thing - and partly it's because we don't trust our inner instincts enough. We might get a gut feeling about someone but either we are so used to that type of behaviour it feels "familiar" or because we get triggered or so much noise inside we tune off to it, thinking it's just our "stuff" rather than a warning signal from our deep instincts.

Setting boundaries I find very stressful and hard work and it only gets easier once you start to get real compassion for yourself and a determination to stand up for that person and his/her needs.

I was brought up to look after everyone at the expense of myself. It has been hard to learn otherwise.

 

[MissMacD]

I was brought up to look after everyone at the expense of myself. It has been hard to learn otherwise.

You bet this was my childhood. It has been carried into my adult life with very taxing results.There was nobody to look after me so I never learned the value of self care.

It is good because it taught me to be compassionate beyond what many people are capable.

It is bad because people take advantage of my kindness and take more than they are willing to give back. I have ended up in a lot of friendships and relationships in which I gave and the other side took without return. This exists in my current relationship but I was able to thankfully set some boundaries. My boyfriend is really lazy and I used to do everything for him - laundry, cooking, cleaning. I got fed up of burning myself out taking care of him when he couldn't be bothered to lift a finger for me. He no longer gets his laundry done or gets cooked for unless he helps around the house.

 

[MissMacD]

When I do self caring like cooking for myself I often feel obligation to cook for my boyfriend but am learning to only give as much as he is willing to return. It's a hard one to master but I definitely feel more self worth.

 

[Britt.f7]

I was brought up to look after everyone at the expense of myself

I was brought up the same way. It's hard not to be the "fixer" too.

 

[Tanishq]

Hi Hellie, Thank you for your contribution and again you have spotted the real problem. It resonates to me so much.

partly it's because we don't trust our inner instincts enough.

Yes, I have made countless mistakes on trust part. I made mistakes to trust myself.

I was brought up to look after everyone at the expense of myself. It has been hard to learn otherwise.

When someone orders you to be caretaker of someone, you may end up feeling burden. But when you choose someone you love or like as friends and then go to take care of them. You will do it much effortlessly. It's all violation of choices. Very hard thing.

 

[Tanishq]

It's hard not to be the "fixer" too.

Hi Britt.

Trust me. Neither me or you can be fixer in life. I have misunderstood care and trust words. Care means give love and support the person deserves. If you give someone love and support, that is enough things you're doing for them. That's your limit though love is limitless and healing.

But you can't work someone else. This is where society makes mistake. They think taking care means make someone else on your behalf. Eh. Not possible. Your karma and actions are for you. You receive love and support that is blessing. You ought to be thankful for it.

Britt, honestly I can't explain love. But it always works.

This are my thoughts on this.

 

[Helliepig]

When someone orders you to be caretaker of someone, you may end up feeling burden. But when you choose someone you love or like as friends and then go to take care of them. You will do it much effortlessly. It's all violation of choices. Very hard thing.

The trouble is, if you're anything like me, all those years of caretaking and giving of myself has left me spent and empty. I feel as if I am unloving now because I am suspicious and wary and running on empty. I don't really feel love very easily, it gets lost in fear and numbness, and I am so wary of being taken advantage of. This is a perfect example of how the inner guidance is completely lost so you flail around trying to work out what is the right thing to do, instead of just doing what feels right.

 

[MissMacD]

The trouble is, if you're anything like me, all those years of caretaking and giving of myself has left me spent and empty. I feel as if I am unloving now because I am suspicious and wary and running on empty. I don't really feel love very easily, it gets lost in fear and numbness, and I am so wary of being taken advantage of. This is a perfect example of how the inner guidance is completely lost so you flail around trying to work out what is the right thing to do, instead of just doing what feels right.

Constant struggle in my life.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I agree with Hellie, same struggles for me too. My grandkids know how to make themselves feel better when things go wrong for them.