If You Need To Go To The Hospital...

[catjudo]

If your suicidal thoughts are starting to get bad enough that you're not sure you can trust yourself to stay safe AND you know the right thing to do is to get yourself to the hospital...

What do you say when you get to the ER? I'm afraid of stumbling on my words and not being able to explain why I'm there...it's not like saying I need to see a Dr. because I fell and think I may have broken my leg, just not that simple and direct. What's my sentence? What do I say to that person at the front door that let's them know I need to be there and I need help? The sentence that if I can't manage to get anything else out, whatever was in that sentence was enough. Something that makes them take me seriously without saying something too drastic that it causes them to overreact?

If I write the sentence down on a piece of paper to hand to them in case I find that I can't say it out loud, will that be enough to start the process of getting help? Do I have to be able to say it out loud to a stranger as soon as I walk through the door?

I'm not to this point yet. But I'm scared because it feels like I'm closer and closer to that place of not being able to trust myself. If I do get that bad I want to know that I can do what I need to do to stay safe...right now it feels like I wouldn't go because I'm afraid of not knowing what to say or do when I got to the ER. Stupid reason, huh? But I'm here and trying to fix that excuse.

I've had psych hospitalizations and I've had to go through an ER for psych hospitalization before, but it has been SO long (over 10 years) that it feels like another lifetime ago and I just don't know what to expect when I get to the ER. Is anyone else that has been admitted through an ER for being suicidal willing to share what the process was like?

Again, I'm not sure if I really need to do this yet. I'm just trying to make myself okay with the choice if it does become necessary.

 

[Red Feather]

It seems like I felt this way several times already. I think the most important part is to be able to talk about it, best if you can talk to someone you know and can trust, like your doctor. Then the doctor can help you find the best place? I am just guessing here because things might be done differently where I live. Here it is possible to walk to the hospital and say I need help, but there is also the possibility of having your doctor make the transfer. I would find it very daunting to walk into an ER and say that... Actually, when I had to talk to my doctor about it, I couldn't even speak the words and wrote it down for him instead.... Just so you know, I relate a lot.

Also there are also crisis intervention center's that are more used to this, and in my opinion that makes it much easier to say something that is already very uncomfortable. I hope you have someone you can talk to about it, and can find the support you need.

 

[Rumors]

They are doctors, they deal with this kind of stuff. I think a note would be most helpful but I think walking in and saying you are suicidal should be enough.

I haven't been in that situation, but of I were a doctor it would scare me to death. I hope you are able to stabilize yourself but if not, I pray you find the doctors and nurses helpful and attentive. (())

 

[chw52]

I have just told medical staff " I need help." For me, from that point on, I just had to answer questions. I found it easier to speak when asked a question.

That was my experience.


Please make sure you remain safe.

 

[catjudo]

Nadia--
My doctor knows that I am struggling with this and we've talked about it and the possible need for hospitalization. Unfortunately, he's not really in a position to help me navigate the process...his practice is in a different area from where I live (I travel over 100 miles, each way, for appointments with my psychiatrist). He has asked me to promise to do x or y if I feel the need but he has no familiarity with the hospitals or other resources where I live. I know that seems rather inconvenient at the moment but this is a doctor who has helped me avoid hospitalization for over 10 years when before that I was a frequent flyer.

I have a therapist that is local. I've only been seeing her for three or four months. We're still working out the beginning parts of this relationship. There have been times when she has been quite intuitive and helpful. There have been other times (like yesterday) when we may as well have been speaking different languages because despite my best efforts she just didn't seem to understand what I was trying to let her know. Granted I wasn't having an easy time of communicating, but it was frustrating and I just don't feel like I can go to her for help with this at the moment. I may feel differently in a day or two. ??

The crisis centers where I live might actually be scarier than going to an ER. Let's just say even the ones that aren't in scary areas of the city are still rather dirty, run-down scary places with cranky staff. I also may also just have a bias against them in general after having a very bad experience in that type of place during a few of my hospitalizations when I was younger.

I think it sounds like I'm just being negative and finding something wrong with ever suggestion. That is not my intention. I hope you don't take it that way. Really I'm scared and kind of thinking "out loud" so to speak at the moment.

 

[DharmaGirl]

I just say SI or suicidal ideation and they take over from there.

 

[Red Feather]

That is not my intention.

I dont see that way either. :hug:

Yes, I understand how that can be hard if the doctor is so far away. I am glad he is still your doctor and is concerned for you. When my doctor said he was concerned, it really made a world of difference to me. I hope you find the right place, catjudo. I like Rumors idea of saying "I need help" and the rest gets settled. If necessary, writing might help. I remember thinking I am making such a drama out of it, but that is the PTSD talking. Much love, and hope you get the help you deserve.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Tell them that you are seriously depressed and you need help and want to see a doctor. I wish you the best. Please take yourself to the hospital before you attempt to hurt yourself. Keep us informed of your progress ok? Hugs and prayers if that is ok.

 

[DharmaGirl]

You can also have your therapist or family doctor call the hospital and let them know to expect you.

 

[cherryblossom]

Do you have a trusted friend or relative who could speak on your behalf, be your advocate? Maybe someone you can speak to now, and ask if they will help you, if you reach crisis point. Someone to take you to the ER, and explain to the 1st person on the door, why you are there? I'm just thinking it might be easier, if you are not on your own.

Either way, don't be too hard on yourself, thinking you have to formulate some perfect sentence. If you do need to go to the ER, you will likely be anxious, and scared. Your manner, body language and even your inability to speak will tell half the story for you. You certainly wont be the first person to be there for that reason. The staff should understand, and treat you accordingly. Even if you just utter a few key words as suggested above (depressed, need help, unsafe, suicidal), or write it down, it doesn't matter how it gets said, so long as you get the help you need.

Please look after yourself, and get whatever help and support you need and deserve. I'll be thinking of you catjudo, take care. :hug:

 

[catjudo]

Do you have a trusted friend or relative who could speak on your behalf, be your advocate? Maybe someone you can speak to now, and ask if they will help you, if you reach crisis point. Someone to take you to the ER, and explain to the 1st person on the door, why you are there? I'm just thinking it might be easier, if you are not on your own.

Trusted relative...no. Trusted friend...I have many "friends" locally but only one that I would trust enough to help me with this sort of thing. But I would need her to be taking care of something far more important than holding my hand through this process...If this has to happen, she is the person I need to take care of my daughter for me. Right now she doesn't even know how bad things have gotten and that this is a possibility. I need to call her and have a conversation and make sure it's something she's still willing and able to do (we've had this conversation as a general conversation in the past). I'm avoiding that conversation. I keep telling myself I'm not that bad and tomorrow will be better. But my tomorrows aren't really getting better and it feels like they never will.

In all honesty, I would probably have already allowed myself to be sent to the hospital if it weren't for my concerns about making sure my daughter is taken care of and that she not get scared or confused about what's going on. I'm the only consistency in her life and I don't want her to be scared that I'm going to disappear or become a flake like the rest of the adults in her life.

I also know that there is only one person I would trust to take care of my daughter. Based on past conversations, I'm sure she would be willing to do it. But some circumstances have changed and it would be an even bigger inconvenience to her than when she agreed in the past. It's a lot to ask of a friend. I don't want to have to ask my friend for such a big favor...the biggest favor I could ask of someone is to make sure my little girl is cared for. I'm also afraid to hear my friend say she can't do it right now (I don't think that would happen; probably just my negative thinking at the moment) because it would take away the last tiny shred of hope that I've been hanging onto.

Either way, don't be too hard on yourself, thinking you have to formulate some perfect sentence.

You're right. I didn't really think about it like I was trying to construct the perfect sentence. Though I can definitely see how it seemed that way. I was just thinking about the way that our ERs are set up and could see myself freezing up at the entrance and not being able to convey what I needed. I just thought that if I thought about it ahead of time it would make it easier to just spit out what I needed. But I can also see that I'm probably worrying about this and making it a bigger problem (or maybe just giving myself yet another excuse) than it really is.

Thanks.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I remember when I found out that both of my children had each been molested one time each. I had a nervous breakdown and i thought I was such a bad mother who had failed miserably to protect my children. Both of my children were at a friends house and I hardly knew the mom. I was not thinking clearly and started to take my pills to kill myself. Then I got really scared and woke up and chose to live. I had to call 911 and I had to call the mom and tell this stranger to me that I had tried to kill myself and could she please watch my kids since an ambulence was coming for me. It was so bad and humiliating.

I think you are in a good place to make plans in advance for your daughter. You could ask your friend and tell her that you had to go to the hospital and needed her to watch over your precious daughter while you were away. And then get yourself to a hospital and get the help you need before you lose what control you have.

It is embarrassing and humiliating to tell a stranger that you have these feelings. But you are in a good position to do this far better than the way I went. My husbands ex wife came and got my kids and kept them for rwo weeks while I recuperated. I had a nervous breakdown and I had no support. I am glad you have some support.

I have come along ways from those days and I am not afraid to ask for help when I need it. My husband was not feeling good and he wanted me to call an ambulance and I called my daughter to take me to the hospital where they were taking him. I did not know where the hospital was. I gave my daughter gas money. She has a gps in her car and found the hospital and the pharmacy where I had to fill his prescription. She could have told me no but she felt compassion and said yes she would help me.

By telling you all of this I want you to know that I really care about how you are feeling and I take you very seriosly and do not want you to go through what I went through.

It is embarrassing and humiliating to tell a stranger that this is happeninig to you, but they are trained to deal with this. Just do not make the mistake I made of saying I was homocidal too. They strapped me down. They shot me full of ativan and I felt like I was melting and by the time the doctor got there I was too out of it and they had me got to a outpatient group for two weeks.

I am so sad and sorry that you are feeling this badly. Please do not wait but act as soon as you can. You deserve so much good. But this is a time to ask for help for you. I implore you to make arrangements as soon as you can.

Hugs and prayers for you if that is ok. I hope by sharing my bad experience I may motivate you to make arrangements so you do not have to go through the humiliation I went through. My heart goes out to you and i really feel for you at this delicate time in your life.