Anger

[Dissociation]

I don't think that rage, in your case, is a sign of insanity.

On the contrary I believe that until you don't feel rage to have been raped you are a little "crazy".

I don't know if I explain myself.

For this same reason your therapist want you to express yourself and she/he will be able to contain you, don't worry ;)

I use to say that there are two me: one is a civilized person, able to write here, for example, the other one is a monster, a killer, a beast.

Until I was alone, to cure myself by myself, I had to control the beast by myself and that was a huge effort, that was absorbing a lot of mental energy that I couldn't use for my life.

Now that I have a therapist, she helps me to "keep the beast in the cage" ;).

That's important, because now I can dedicate my energies to my life and that's the thing that is really healing me, that I can dedicate myself to my life.

Good luck hun!! :hug:

 

[timid_flower]

expressing how I felt seemed like it was something that I had to do.

I think you are right. I'm glad you were able to open up to your therapist. Therapy is a good outlet for those feelings that very much need to be processed.

 

[Thinkingman85]

I don't know if anyone feels this way, but it's like there is something that needs to be taken care of inside. There's some aspect of myself that just feels wrong. I wish that I could make this aspect right. This aspect keeps me isolated from people. It makes me feel dizzy when I am getting better. It makes me doubt myself. It makes me doubt my sanity. It is a vortex. Once this aspect is taken care of, I should be ok. I should be on my feet. It can't be here forever. I can't feel like this forever. I hope that God will heal me.

 

[Dissociation]

It's because you are isolated Thinkingman85, you need to live between other people, even if at the beginning this will be weird for you :nailbiting: , you have to be patient.
:)

 

[Thinkingman85]

I try my best. It's so painful. To maintain my sanity, I have to have a level of isolation. You're right. It shouldn't last forever. It seems like the only thing I can be is patient.

 

[Dissociation]

You can also ask some of you friends to help you with it: when you are between people your friend can be with you to help you to normalize socialization, in your life, little by little ;)

 

[Springer80]

Hi Thin King Man 85??

I used to dream about staking my attacker out and shredding him to death with a cheese grater. Thankfully the dream was soundless and with no gory effects. I also daydreamed about hiring someone to shoot him, and then beat him up. I suppose they got progressively less violent. It did propel me to try and have him prosecuted. I wanted to get him in court so badly. Quite scary though being that consumed by murderous anger, especially when your a nice person.

A book that eventually helped was 'An Evil Cradling' by Brian Keenan, an Irish Lecturer who was kidnapped and held hostage for six years with Terry Weight, in Lebanon (or was it Libya?).

 

[Tanishq]

With PTSD, I'm starting to come to the idea that I will have to unleash an amazing amount of rage in order to free myself from the pain.

The more you empty yourself, you will have space to add more positivity. Just got this idea couple of days ago, I did and it made me feel relief with anger,too.

I want to feel like I have regained my sanity completely, but I'm concerned of casting some demons out.

Sometimes illusions will try to stop you. but set out end target and stick to it until you get it. It happened to me, I felt I am completely ok, but ended up not doing something important. It hurts me. Lesson learned.

 

[LaurieJ]

I am a very angry person (with good reasons) so much so that it shows on my face all the time. While I don't want to cover up my anger there are times when I need to. People think I'm angry at them and that's not the case (most of the people I'm angry at are dead so I don't know how to express my anger). Anyone have any ideas on what I can do about my facial expressions other than working through my anger?

 

[Anna]

I am very angry and volatile. I keep it under control very well.

People annoy me, especially when they whine about silly little things that seem to be a mountain to them. In general I am a misanthropist, there are only a few people I like, even then most of the time they manage to piss me off with their egocentric hypocritical ways. Especially when you make an effort then they just f*cking ignore you or are downright rude.

One thing that really gets my back up is apathy, how people walk around like they just don't f*cking care about anyone except themselves. Noone makes an effort to hold doors open, or be polite. Just good old fashioned manners don't seem to exist anymore. All there is is egocentric rude people who only care about how much money and material items they have.

It makes my blood boil.

People can tell I am a very angry person, they can also see it in my face. Once someone has pissed me off I tend to hold a grudge, I don't forgive easily.

I sometimes feel like I am going to explode, I am seething with anger.

When this happens, I go for a brisk walk in the fresh air, normally where noone is, on my own or with a good friend. Or I work out. I find sit ups or press ups are good, anything that brings on a little bit of pain. I find the physical pain I feel somehow manages to release the anger. I used to burn and cut myself when I was a teenager, but now I do extreme work outs. This helps to release the anger in a positive way and I do not hurt myself in the process. I work out every day. It is a good way to release the anger inside.

 

[quaintpapercut]

I've had issues with uncontrolled anger in the past and have placed myself in very precarious positions as a result. I have a mouth on me that would make most people blush :angelic:. I know now it was misdirected anger and was usually a result of my flight or fight response kicking in (always fight) or it was a trigger of some sort.

With PTSD, I'm starting to come to the idea that I will have to unleash an amazing amount of rage in order to free myself from the pain.

A lot of people are afraid of anger because its such a strong emotion. I think like any emotion the key is to work on not being flooded by it and learning how to control it and not let it control you. I have a lifetime of sadness stored inside me and I'm trying to learn how to control it as I know if the floodgates open I will likely end up in the hospital.

I find the physical pain I feel somehow manages to release the anger. I used to burn and cut myself when I was a teenager, but now I do extreme work outs.

I did the same thing a while back. Really extreme, physically punishing workouts. Unfortunately I didn't know when to stop or how to listen to my bodies cues and I ended up getting really physically sick. I loved going to the gym and I miss it. I've been thinking about joining up again but I have issues with moderation. I also noticed that during that period I had absolutely no emotion at all.

 

[Thinkingman85]

I am a very angry person (with good reasons) so much so that it shows on my face all the time.

Be aware that you are displaying angry facial expressions and do not express them if you do not want to.

I have a lifetime of sadness stored inside me and I'm trying to learn how to control it as I know if the floodgates open I will likely end up in the hospital.

I can't accept the control approach. I've tried, but the pressure to release my pain is always holding me back. I don't think I'll be able to bury an atomic bomb. However, when it is released nobody will be hurt.