Trusting Therapist

[quaintpapercut]

I agree that trust is really difficult to come by for people with traumatic histories. I've been seeing my therapist for a while now, twice a week, and I still find it difficult to open up. I have yet to discuss, in depth any of my traumatic experiences. I have touched on them but don't feel safe to discuss them in any in depth manner.

I am getting better at being open but I don't think my therapist realizes that its often a one step forward then one step back scenario in my head. I'm constantly on guard monitoring his reactions to me and follow through on things he said he would do. For example, not emailing resources he said he would automatically makes me step back and question the therapeutic relationship.

We've spent a lot of time speaking about why I don't want to speak to him :rolleyes:. Which sounds ridiculous but is very true.

Looking back from where I was when I first started to now is leaps and bounds, but still no where near where I need to be in order to properly process my trauma. It takes time.

 

[Alex 117]

We've spent a lot of time speaking about why I don't want to speak to him :rolleyes:. Which sounds ridiculous but is very true.

This sounds like an interesting idea. In what ways have these conversations been helpful? I might want to try this with my therapist.

 

[piratelady]

I have done that with previous therapists - talk about why I can't talk about the troubling stuff. It helped him understand what was going on in my head. When we talked about that and picked it apart, it helped.

Also, a few times recently my therapist has asked my permission to talk about difficult things from my past. I don't know why, but by him asking my permission it made it much easier to talk about.

 

[quaintpapercut]

It usually starts with me telling my therapist why I don't feel like being there for that session. The reasons change depending on how I'm feeling but I've found it really helpful to be able to speak, in a safe way, about my discomfort at being there. We spend a lot of time talking about my fear of exposure, vulnerability and my issues with dependancy and trust .

Its encouraged a lot of dialogue between us and has helped to build trust within the therapeutic relationship. One of the things that did evolve from it was me being able to vocalize why it was so difficult to talk about my traumatic experiences.

 

[quaintpapercut]

Also, a few times recently my therapist has asked my permission to talk about difficult things from my past. I don't know why, but by him asking my permission it made it much easier to talk about.

I think it helps to put the control back in your hands. For me, he respects the fact that I often need to stop talking about certain topics very suddenly if I begin to feel overwhelmed. Recently I've been pushing those boundaries a little bit more every time because I know I can stop when it becomes to much.

 

[Hashi]

I've found it really helpful to be able to speak, in a safe way, about my discomfort at being there. We spend a lot of time talking about my fear of exposure, vulnerability and my issues with dependancy and trust .

Me too. It's also helpful because it leads to talking about how to make things more comfortable for me.

For example, I've found that a therapist can think I don't need a lot of reassurance because I can give the impression of being quite composed, but the composure is a coping mechanism and I need loads of reassurance. If we don't have discussions about things like that, they would never know.

 

[piratelady]

I can give the impression of being quite composed, but the composure is a coping mechanism

I am the same way. I don't know if my skills at maintaining my composure are not as good anymore or if my therapist is just that perceptive, but he can tell when my feelings don't match what shows. He's recently started calling me on it during therapy.

 

[therapybankrupt]

Im not sure you ever trust a Therapist totally!

You just get so darn tired of spending your money and your life trying to get well. I just decided everything was all going on the table and I didn't care what the T thought about me. It was do or die! Literally.

I was able to do that after 8 years wasted with talk therapy and hospitalization's. I was then given the proper diagnosis and am now getting EMDR. The key was telling everything. How can the T help us if we do not tell them what is bothering us???????? I only just got that after I spilled all!:nailbiting:

TB

 

[Rumors]

For example, I've found that a therapist can think I don't need a lot of reassurance because I can give the impression of being quite composed, but the composure is a coping mechanism and I need loads of reassurance. If we don't have discussions about things like that, they would never know.

Me too!!! I am really good at not showing emotion and being totally composed while discussing the worst things and I really just want to crawl on the floor and roll up in a ball. I haven't ever shared that with my T though. Probably should I guess.

 

[Alex 117]

I am really good at not showing emotion and being totally composed while discussing the worst things and I really just want to crawl on the floor and roll up in a ball.

This really resonates with me. I definitely use composure as a coping mechanism; I'm used to putting on a brave face in daily life, convincing everyone that I'm fine and ensuring that nobody sees through my fake exterior. I think it might be a good idea to share it with your therapist. I think I might share it with mine, especially as we are early into our sessions.

 

[therapybankrupt]

I agree with you all on keeping the composure. You can only do that so long and you will be ozzing out everywhere! I must be a lot older than you all or a real looser. It seems no one pays attention to my comments as if I am not here! :sorry:

 

[Hashi]

It seems no one pays attention to my comments as if I am not here! :sorry:

Do you mean on this thread? I'm afraid I don't understand. I'd just read what you wrote above and liked it, then I read this. Or do you mean something else?