Emotional Needs

[safenow]

Jaret, you have a right to express yourself and your feelings. And you are right, we all must experience pain at one or more times in our lives. It is part of being alive. You are a kind and caring person, but you tend to beat yourself up.

I hope you can go to the park today and enjoy your sunshine and kind people.

 

[Tanishq]

Thank you safenow. :)

 

[Tanishq]

As a child I shut down completely and never looked to anyone for the fulfilment of any needs. Looking after myself is not the issue; learning to relate is.

I have this issue, too.

I was suppressed, too. Pencil, I can relate with you on this.

 

[Pencil]

Not sure I think that's what therapy's for, for me at least.

Hi Hashi, so what do you think therapy is for?

 

[raven123]

It's nice how shrinks tell you to "process the pain" and "feel the pain". My question is how and why do you have to? I have no clue what "process it" means and, frankly, I'm sick of "pain".

I took a test the other night and found I might have BPD. Made sense.

 

[Tanishq]

Hi Hashi, so what do you think therapy is for?

Pencil, I do have similar question. How about creating a separate thread about this and move this two posts there?

 

[quaintpapercut]

it means we have to do the work instead of wanting someone else to fix us. If we look to a spouse to fill in the gap left by our parent's lack of care, then we're setting them up to fail. Every time they fall short of our expectation, that will only reinforce our feeling of lack. If they leave us (and given the pressure we're putting on them, a happy relationship wouldn't be likely) then we will be wounded all the more.

Your very wise! This happened in a relationship I had a couple of years ago and it ended very, very badly for me. The individual I was involved with had a knack for honing in on people's weaknesses and needs. He played a cat and mouse game with me where he would provide me with what I was craving (attention, love, affection) and then abruptly withdraw it from me. As I was unable to meet my own needs, or even have any awareness of what it was I required, I hinged my emotional survival on him. Because of that, I allowed him to treat me very horribly. It became a pure self worth mind f**k and he held all the power.

 

[Pencil]

Pencil, I do have similar question. How about creating a separate thread about this and move this two posts there?

Jaret, I think you've made Abstract's day - I'm sure she wanted to tell me to do that, but thought I could take a hint ;). Point taken - it's just that I'm not sure how to do it ... :wideeyed:

 

[safenow]

Pencil, go to the help desk. They can help to set it up and move the two threads.

 

[saffy]

Looking after myself is not the issue; learning to relate is.

I have the same issue. I think I do it though because I cannot really hurt myself, I cannot lie to myself, reject myself or manipulate myself. Being on my own is easier emotionally but I do not like it, so I suppose I am abusing myself in a way.

I thought a lot about what you said about befriending the needs. I can only think that for me it would mean that instead of hating the feelings and so run away and hate myself for it, I should be a friend to them so that I can try to help it. Like if those feelings were someone else and I did not like to see them like it, I would be a friend to help them not an enemy who pushed them away and despised them. IF that makes sense.

I am really trying hard to work on inner negative dialogue so that my emotional needs can be met. I have to learn like and love myself first though.

best wishes
Saffy :)

 

[Pencil]

OK, Jaret and Abstract, I created a new thread, 'What is therapy for?' as your wish is my command, although I'm sad about taking the unmet emotional needs discussion out of this thread.

 

[Tanishq]

Pencil, why did you take away that? You can still discuss with us, you know. No one wants to cut your voice including me. :)