Emotional Needs

[raven123]

Raven,

Per for the [DLMURL="https://www.ptsdforum.org/c/pages/help-site-rules/"]Forum rules[/DLMURL] (#13), please provide a link to the article you have posted above.
Thank you!

No idea. I got in an email.

 

[Pencil]

Hashi, Abstract and Saffy

You are right, of course you are. So what’s wrong?

It has to do with being triggered, as you said, Abstract. As a child I shut down completely and never looked to anyone for the fulfilment of any needs. Looking after myself is not the issue; learning to relate is. So I don’t know why I went into such a blind panic when she said that I have to befriend the pain of unmet needs. Or did she perhaps say that I have to befriend the need? I guess it made me feel isolated – which is what I’m used to - so why did I go into such a tizzy? I don’t know, I’m terminally confused about all of this. It felt as though she sent me back to myself, while I’m in therapy to get out of myself. Yet I’ve never even thought about wanting her to fulfil any emotional or other need. Still, I reacted as if it is a life or death issue, while it isn’t. So yes, there is another issue underlying this. Probably something equally stupid.

Instead of sending me to hell (after my mortifyingly embarrassing irrational dumb ass rude e-mail) she set up an appointment to talk about this. No wonder I love her when I am not screaming blue murder.

Ok, so this is not as magnificent as the lost post, but ... :D

 

[Hashi]

It felt as though she sent me back to myself, while I’m in therapy to get out of myself.

?

I understand the feeling of wanting to get out of myself - I really do. Not sure I think that's what therapy's for, for me at least.

I'm glad you have another appointment. Sending you many good wishes for it. Big respect to you for going back to talk.

 

[Abstract]

I don't think it's stupid at all and it takes great courage to look at the issue and your reactions and then go back. Huge credit to you. Doing that is going to get you through therapy and set you on your path to healing.

it made me feel isolated
As a child I shut down completely and never looked to anyone for the fulfilment of any needs

I don't know if this is possible but I wonder if it almost felt like a slap in the face. That you never risked reaching out then felt you did and something in you perceived it as a rejection. I can't quite put it into words but I experience something along those lines. I think I have a very strong internal voice that keeps telling me trusting or not being entirely self sufficient is wrong and if I perceive anything that seems to agree with that coming from the T then I can hit severe backlash.

befriend the need?

Yes, that could have slightly different connotations and is also a good point. If you were discussing your paradoxical feelings about wanting and not wanting to need others then that would make sense.

a life or death issue,

I think certain things can definitely feel like life and death. Especially if they trigger intense stuff from the past.

Good luck.

 

[Dissociation]

I'm always trying to be more human (feeling vs. thinking) and I came across this:

Your post demonstrates that you are a very good thinker indeed ;)

 

[raven123]

Dissociation, Thank you so much. xoxo

 

[Pencil]

strong internal voice that keeps telling me trusting or not being entirely self sufficient is wrong and if I perceive anything that seems to agree with that coming from the T then I can hit severe backlash.

This is it, I guess - and this is extremely paradoxical, don't you think? Please please elaborate!

 

[Abstract]

Shall just check in with Raven first to see if he minds his thread being detoured. Raven?

 

[raven123]

Abstract, go ahead.

 

[Pencil]

Shall just check in with Raven first to see if he minds his thread being detoured

I do this all the time :joyful:

 

[Tanishq]

I don't think going over and over the past works.

Raven, for some reason I keep going to past today. I keep remembering those families I visited who treated me nicely and made me feel good. I feel loved by them right now. It is awkward and I do get the message from it, why they treated me nicely.

With that my past bad communication treatment,too and many times my emotional needs were unmet. It is tricky.

befriend the pain of unmet needs

Pencil, Some new friend recently told me this. I told them that when I try to leave my bad parents behind and make emotional distance with them, I feel lot of pain.

She told me expect yourself to feel more pain. As time goes it will get easier. Don't delete it, just feel the intense pain. It needs to be processed.

I understand Pencil, I did feel bad first. but now it makes sense to me why she said that. No one can escape from pain.

I hope my response makes sense to you.

 

[Tanishq]

I am sorry if my above response brings pain to anyone.

Apologies in advance. I don't mean any harm emotionally to any of you.