Coping With A New Diagnosis - What Was Your Reaction To Yours?

[HëllaBubz]

I have recently bitten the bullet, and started seeing a psychiatrist, with good effect.

I have been diagnosed with PTSD, depression, and anxiety as a result of rapes, violence, sexual assaults etc, the most recent assault in Dec '09 being the trigger for what was then full blown PTSD, and is now considered Mild with management.

My psych diagnosed me last session with BPD, Borderline Personality Disorder, we did a few informal tests online just to test the waters and assuage his curiosity, as he called it, and asked me to expand on answers to questions that I gave.

The results bracket was;

0-12 Negligible
13-20 Mild
21-27 Moderate
28-32 Severe
33+ Very Severe

I scored 37. Twice. The same spectrum at the same severity for 3 different tests. And I didn't get my results until I had completed all 3.

It explains a lot of my previous behavior, I'm certainly not someone to use it as a crutch or scapegoat, but I'm actually reeling a little. Complex PTSD with co-morbid conditions is a bitch.

I'm really not sure where I should go from here, and if I should start doubting myself, and my abilities in my new job. I've posted under Accomplishments & Success regarding a new job in aged care, for those that want more information on the situation.

I'm feeling a little lost right now, and that's not good considering I'm being relied upon to bring a business back from the brink. It will manage without, but very, very poorly, and with high staff dissatisfaction and turnover.

Any thoughts anyone? How did it feel when you finally thought you had it figured, and then a bombshell like this is dropped?

 

[rightkindofme]

BPD is highly controversial. There are a high number of people in the psychiatric community who disagree with it strongly as a diagnoses. If I were in your shoes I would seek other opinions before truly letting that diagnosis become part of your self-identity.

PTSD is a bitch to live with. Especially with anxiety and depression. That's my "profile" of issues so to speak. I have had people suggest bipolar disorder or bpd for me and they just aren't accurate. Maybe you are truly bpd but my reading is that it is usually a diagnosis given for people who are difficult to treat. It's just a clinicians way of saying, "Gosh you are a pain in the butt." That is what I have read.

If you have a background of violence and sexual assault all of the behavior clusters under bpd make perfect sense but that still doesn't mean you have a personality disorder. It means you had to survive the unsurvivable and you f*cking did it. You weren't a perfect little choirboy (or girl) the whole time but you got through.

Seriously, talk to other shrinks before you allow that one to influence you too much. You can change. Sure as the weather. You can have hope. You are so young. You have so much time left to grow.

Good luck.

 

[HëllaBubz]

You can change. Sure as the weather. You can have hope. You are so young. You have so much time left to grow.

That's exactly what I said to my psych, and my partner.

I've caught the damn issues young, and now they've been identified young, so I'm going to throw as much energy as I can into getting to be the best I can so that when I finally do have children, a negligible effect will be passed on. We all have effects on our children, but I want to have the least negative that I can actually do something about.

He doesn't think it is a massive part of who I am now, however he believes it played a large part in my behavior when the PTSD first spiraled out of control.

Besides, I thought BPD was a group, I'm not a group, I'm an individual, so which am I?

Maybe you are truly bpd but my reading is that it is usually a diagnosis given for people who are difficult to treat. It's just a clinicians way of saying, "Gosh you are a pain in the butt." That is what I have read.

Hahahaha, well he did say that overall, my issues were quite complex, not just PTSD, so that did make me feel a bit better, because at least that explains why I'm having so much trouble keeping on top of things.

He offered me an option of either going away for 3 months, coping and seeing how I go on my new medication, or continuing to see him, and possibly even see him more than once a week.

I'm going to opt with seeing him once a week at this stage.

 

[ms spock]

It is only a label Bubzilla. Everyone moves across a lot of spectrums.

Just start setting goals and start working towards them one day at a time.

You are doing well in your life. Enjoy the challenge of you new job.

 

[HëllaBubz]

Oi, this is be cooking my head.

I guess I'll just work on each of my goals one by one.

I'm willing to wait for something I want badly, the fact that I'm still not engaged but with my partner is testament to that!

I'll always keep trying, it's just who I am. Sometimes I think having a diagnosis is a double edged sword.

 

[cherryblossom]

I've posted under Accomplishments & Success regarding a new job in aged care

That thread has been moved, and can be found here . . .
[DLMURL]https://www.ptsdforum.org/c/threads/running-an-aged-care-facility-at-22.31225/[/DLMURL]

 

[Abstract]

Bub,
You are the very same person you were before the diagnoses. There is no reason to doubt your abilities or your place in the world.

Personality disorders are merely a way of describing ways one relates to oneself or others and it does not at all describe who you are as a human being. Also no two people are the same so you are not somehow the same person as a group of others with BPD.

These ways of relating to yourself and to others that cause some disturbance in your life can be changed and then in my opinion you become even more your true self.

Even without help borderline traits apparently often lesson as one gets older so with you applying yourself you can make your life and relationships (with others and yourself) much more satisfying.

The good thing is that if this is used correctly it can help you access the type of help you need.

Have you done any dialectical behaviour therapy?

 

[Hashi]

To me, I can't say the diagnosis of other conditions was a bombshell because I already knew how I was feeling and being given names for it didn't make it any different for me. I expect you and your therapist could have identified behaviours and thoughts you wanted to change, and started working on those, without having to be given any particular (and, in my view, largely unhelpful) name for them as a whole.

I agree with Ms Spock that it's only a label, and with Abstract that you're still the same person. I'd go further and say it's only a current label. I know labels can be helpful for certain situations, but I think that's quite limited and completely agree about the double edged sword.

Science and psychology change all the time. I can never understand why people aren't more cynical about what the current beliefs are, and how people are currently diagnosed. A hundred years or so ago, they might have looked at almost any symptom and decided you'd inherited hysteria from your mother, or looked at the shape of your head and said you were a "criminal type". I wonder what they'll say a hundred years from now about testing and diagnosing people for Borderline Personality Disorder.

 

[Maggiemay]

*hugs*

I have both complex ptsd and bpd among others. I've found the ptsd a lot easier to accept as feel like finally people are listening and not blaming me for just being an attention seeker but actually acknowledging the impact of all the past abuse I've suffered.

But, what I'm finding hard at the moment is realising there is bo quick fix, there never was and never will be. Accepting this is excruciating as all I want is to be well. :(

Xxx

 

[HëllaBubz]

Have you done any dialectical behaviour therapy?

Eh?

I expect you and your therapist could have identified behaviours and thoughts you wanted to change, and started working on those

Yes, and as time went on, he became more and more convinced that PTSD wasn't the only thing at play, and so delved into a few other parts of my life, asked a few pointed questions, and then we ended up where we are now.

He wasn't sounding 100% convinced that it was, but found it to be more likely the cause for a lot of my erratic behavior that didn't fall into the PTSD spectrum, but more into the BPD, and so he thinks the two played off each other. He did however tell me to read up on it a little, and that he would also do some reading up on it, and at my appointment tomorrow we will compare notes, and he will give me his understanding of it, and whether it applies to me or not.

I guess it was more of a bombshell for me because I've spent my whole life being told I'm a bad person, and that my behavior was bad, and now it appears that I actually have a valid reason as to why I've never 'gotten' some things.

just being an attention seeker

I really do feel as though this is how people view me, and now that I understand myself a little better I can sit back with a sense of relief knowing that there actually was a 'busted fuse', I was not, and am not a 'thick' person who doesn't get it, there really was a reason.

but I think that's quite limited and completely agree about the double edged sword.

I guess getting feedback from all of you is the 'shove' my brain needs to 'kickstart' thought processes which kind of increase in spin up until I'm running at the intellectual capacity I was at before.

I get the clear feeling from my therapist that he does not view me as someone who will find out a diagnosis, read up on it, and suddenly start presenting with a whole new list of applicable symptoms.

He made a point very early on that WorkCover clients are notoriously difficult to treat as they have a financial incentive not to get better. But because I haven't had that, (and really refuse to stay this way), it is going to make my therapy that tiniest little bit easier.

But, what I'm finding hard at the moment is realising there is bo quick fix, there never was and never will be. Accepting this is excruciating as all I want is to be well.

Your recovery is only 'quick' if you are accelerating your chances by putting effort into getting better. I really don't think it's about time, but rather the milestones where you have the realization that you can feel the difference between how you feel now, and how you felt a little or a long while ago.

I'd go further and say it's only a current label.

Damn straight it's only current, I'm going to bloody well change!

 

[Abstract]

Bub,

Its sounds like you have actually found the diagnoses validating and helpful (?) even though it is a bit of shock. Is that right? I think individuals are so different in what they find helpful. I think some find diagnoses very unhelpful and others find it helps them see a way forward and understand the past better.

I'm going to bloody well change

I believe you!

Eh

Here is a good place to start: http://www.dbtselfhelp.com/html/linehan_dbt.html And this:

 

[HëllaBubz]

Is that right?

Yes, you are most certainly correct!

The best part about my psych is that he doesn't mince words, but he isn't rude either.
He lays the rules out clearly, but if you really do stuff up by pure mistake, he's pretty forgiving too.


I have a lot of time for him, especially when he actually bothers to ask me if I'm ok with proposed changes... I think he knows that if he tried to bowl me over he'd meet a brick wall or two.....or three......or more :whistling:

Thank you for the link, I will watch it once I get some homework done.

Thank you so much Abstract, I really, really appreciate your help.