Question About My T?

[Smushroom]

Thank you gizmo *hugs* I'm yet to attempt to update my diary. Maybe I will try again this afternoon :)

 

[Meadowsweet]

It sounds like you are viewing your therapist as a friend, and that she is acting in the casual manner a friend would. I think having a good friend can help you feel more supported and feel better in yourself.

But when it comes to getting better from an illness, then I think treatment aimed specifically at that illness is necessary. From what you've said, your original therapist isn't treating your PTSD.

I think whether you choose to keep both on is down to your personal choices and perhaps your finances.

But, in my experience, setting goals and having structured therapy with an aim toward recovery keeps me going.

 

[Smushroom]

Now that is one thing I am 100% sure about. I do not see her as a friend. I have very strong boundaries on this. When I feel things are getting too 'friendly' I back away slightly. I know she is not my friend. She is there because I am paying her to be. We will never be friends out of this setting. We just happen to share the same interests and hobbies. She is a qualified Psych and specializes in trauma, so I know I am seeing someone that is qualified enough to work with PTSD.

But yes, it sounds like we need more structure. And I will bring this up before looking elsewhere. Thank you :)

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I am rooting for you. I know you are going to be ok. It will all turn out ok. I think writing it all out is the way to go. I did that with my sponser when I worked on a 4 th step. I would journal and then I would read it to her. It really helped me out alot.

But whether you read it to her or you give it to her I know you have a good relationship and will get this all sorted out. You are very strong on the inside. I think you are very brave and couragous to do this with your therapist. Be strong and safe, that is the important thing. Big hugs.

 

[maddog]

Smushroom. I just wanted to send you some courage and empathy in tackling this issue with your T. Honestly, more and more as I read, I begin to feel a little cautious at recommending what anyone else should and shouldn't do in terms of their therapy and their interaction with their T etc. I think there are as many different styles and deliveries of therapy as their are therapists and clients, and beyond a certain point, there is no such thing as right or wrong, only what works for you and, to a certain extent, your T as well.

I don't believe that therapy is or should ever be completely as per the textbook. People aren't that straightforward and human dynamics play an enormous part in how the process unfolds. I know that aspects of the relationship I have with my T would be considered unconventional at best and would be frowned upon were I to share them on this forum. And because I am a little sensitive about such things, I would probably feel threatened and defensive, hence the fact that I refrain from sharing. But do I think that my T is good at his job, unyieldingly professional, focused on my best interests, goal-oriented and motivated? Absolutely, a resounding yes I do, and so really, that's all that matters.

I guess I say all that to say that I would really encourage you to identify exactly which aspect(s) of this situation aren't working for you, and to focus your attention on dealing with only those. If she is a qualified psychologist specialising in trauma, then I think it's reasonable for her to give you an explanation as to why she isn't prepared to deal with your trauma. There may well be some reason, in which case you deserve to hear it, and to give it due consideration. If there are other aspects of your communication which you feel are failing, then you both deserve the opportunity to address them, at which point it will be up to you to decide if they can be remedied or compensated for, and what to do about it if they can't.

I guess I say all that to say that "by the book" doesn't have to be the best way, but "what works for you" does. I know you know all that too, but really just wanted to send you some encouragement to get out there and advocate for yourself - you so deserve it.

Maddog

 

[Abstract]

I do think it is very helpful to know more detail as things are usually not black or white and there can be reasons for things that appear to be wrong. Saying that though it is obvious that she is not going fast enough for you and it is rare that someone dealing with trauma feels that way so it says a lot.

Asking question that makes you afraid to displease your t can be valuable part of t in itself as we can practice dealing with personal interactions that can then help us with others in our outside lives. Any good T welcomes questions and communication.

Has she only taken this approach after you were very destabilised recently or has this been an on and off pattern throughout?

The one thing I was concerned about is that you said she was talking about the beach. I don't see any context that that would be a useful use of time so would be interested to know if there were any possible reasons that she would have done so.

I think this is a great and important thread so well done for posting.

 

[Smushroom]

It has been pretty much the whole time I've been seeing her. We have never gone near the trauma, or not much. I am a lot more stabilised now, although I feel myself sliding back a bit at the moment, but I know it is what I need.

Talking about the beach is just a random topic that comes up. I go to the beach because it is my safe place, I sleep there, I can stay there all day and night if it comes to that. She also likes the beach. It's something we have in common. But just an example of random things we takl about...

 

[Abstract]

Oh Shushroom. I really don't think this sounds right. Regardless of what approach that is a waste of your time in T.

Some approaches work a lot on the relationship and transference and let you feel like you are leading the process but they should still be asking questions to channel you in the right direction.

It doesnt have to mean its all bad. You have obviously gained form it in some ways and certainly haven't been damaged by it. I would definitely ask her directly why this happens as it is good assertiveness practice.

Chit chat is fine as a 2 minute ice breaker or maybe has a role when the client cant speak at all and is in total terror but other than that not.

 

[Abstract]

Hope you are Ok as I realise this is probably upsetting.

 

[Smushroom]

Just wanted to come back and update. We didn't really have a 'discussion' as such, but I made it clear I wasn't happy with how things were going. I basically asked her flat out if she could help me any further or if we were 'done'. We texted back and forth for a bit and came to the conclusion that we need to talk about the trauma. Which is what i've needed to do for a while.

The sessions since then have been much better I feel. I think I have had maybe 3 or 4. We have started with the trauma, and have gone back to the very first thing I can remember.

Although the 'structure' still isn't there as such, at least we are on the right path again, and at least we both know where we are.

Fingers crossed. It's hard work!

 

[watundah]

I appreciated this thread. I've also been in therapy for six months and sometimes feel like I'm floundering aimlessly. However, I know this is me putting the brakes on. I kind of see myself as a cat being drug by it's back feet while the claws of it's front feet are dug into the carpet...I was intro'd to my T by a friend who went in boldly and said "do whatever you gotta do to fix it!" and got exercises to do, cried while in there, and so on.

I, on the other hand, can't maintain eye contact, answers questions with 10 words or less, stare out the window, and am the queen of the dodge. I do see baby steps of progress, but right now I need to get past this big wall of trust. That's a key reason that I'm in there, and a tough one to work thru with a therapist who one is supposed to trust implicitly. Oddly, I've had many therapists over the years, and seem to like this one best, so something's working...I sometimes admire her tenacity at working to earn my trust. I'm not a talker, so this is especially difficult for me. I think we'll get there eventually, sometimes I am a bit impatient with the whole snail's pace, but believe I am really the one driving the pace.

 

[Abstract]

this big wall of trust. That's a key reason that I'm in ther

It is a tricky one and relate. Good luck as you seem to have a good handle on the situation.