Sufferer Do I Have Options?

[hostagesoul]

I have Complex PTSD, just discovered this about a year ago. My husband triggers emotional flashbacks by taking off while I'm asleep, if I am sad, if I am worried, or for whatever unknown reason. I am very depressed as I have a destroyed disk in my back and live with chronic pain. I cannot work. My husband left yesterday. My cats have no food. I think of suicide constantly because of guilt/shame for my emotional problems and because I am scared to be homeless.

I grew up in foster care from age 5-18. I was severely abused and neglected before age 5. I suffered from rape, emotional, and physical abuse in foster care. I always considered myself a survivor but since my marriage 4 years ago, I have lost who I am.

I can see co-dependence in myself and possible psychopathy in my husband. I was a student until about two months ago. Ran out of student loans because my husband never had money to pay rent, bills, etc. I only have three classes remaining to earn a BS in Psychology with honors. I am lost.

People offer to help me because of my outer beauty but I question their true intentions. I am beautiful, so they say, but I am broken. I feel like I'm nothing. I have no car, no friends, no family. I'm so desperate for help as I will be homeless. Rent is due today. I have not heard from my husband at all. My husband totaled my car and refuses to replace it.

I don't know what to do...

 

[Jlso111187]

I wanna start by saying I am sorry for all you have been though. I too, have back problems as well as a dependency on my husband. But that's not why I am writing.
I know in my town we have churches that will help pay a month or two of rent. They have them all over the United States. It's called Catholic Charities call your county's economic support center and ask them where your nearest one is as well as ask them if there are any other places that offer those types of services.

Not trying to be nosey but are you on SSI? If so, there are grants you can get to finish up your schooling. If not, I know there are grants all over online that you can apply for no age requirements. I know my schooling is the most important thing in my life other than my kids. It's the one thing that has me getting up everyday and I couldn't imagine not being able to finish.

 

[intothelight]

Hi Hostagesoul,

Welcome to the PTSD Forum! :)

Jiso had some good advice and you may want to also contact a domestic violence advocate. Even if you are not actively seeking refuge from a violent situation, they an give you advise as to where to find financial resources.

I hope the information and support you find on this forum are helpful as you work on healing.

Take care.

Debbie

 

[WillyKat]

Hi and welcome. You're not alone. I know it feels like you are. And I'm feeling very alone right now too. But we're here to support each other.

 

[SuzieQ]

You are never alone. :)

 

[KP the nut]

Hi and welcome to the forum.

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

Welcome to the forum. :)

 

[pumpkinpie]

Hello.

It also sounds like one of the first things you may want to consider doing is getting some good legal advice or representation. Keep in mind that the period of time around when a woman gets the courage up to do something about a bad home situation is a good time for consciousness about her own safety.

Organizations who help women in your kind of situation have ways to expedite that and other processes you need to move forward.

Best wishes!

 

[hostagesoul]

I wanna start by saying I am sorry for all you have been though. I too, have back problems as well as a dependency on my husband. But that's not why I am writing.
I know in my town we have churches that will help pay a month or two of rent. They have them all over the United States. It's called Catholic Charities call your county's economic support center and ask them where your nearest one is as well as ask them if there are any other places that offer those types of services.

Not trying to be nosey but are you on SSI? If so, there are grants you can get to finish up your schooling. If not, I know there are grants all over online that you can apply for no age requirements. I know my schooling is the most important thing in my life other than my kids. It's the one thing that has me getting up everyday and I couldn't imagine not being able to finish.

Thank you so much!! I was very happy to read your response. I am very introverted so I do not tend to reach out for help. I'm glad I did. It is comforting to know that there are other people like me. I will look into your leads. Thank you for taking the time to write me!!!!!! I hope the best for you.

PS
I have filed for SSI; however, I have been continuously denied. It is difficult to focus sometimes due to the PTSD symptoms, but I will look for scholarships and grants. So tedious for someone who checks out often. You are awesome, thank you : )

 

[Eleanor]

Hi hostagesoul, Welcome to the Forum!:)

First - the good news about college is that you can stop out and go back - in your situation it should be no problem if continuing with school is too much at this point. Take care of yourself - the professors and courses and books will all be there once you get yourself settled. There is no prize for finishing "on time" or keeping continuity! A degree is a degree.

Does SLC mean Salt Lake City? I know that some people have bad experiences with/feelings about the Mormon Church, but in addition to Catholic Charities they are also set up to help people in need and often do a super job of it. Salt Lake has an active (smallish but active) women's community and since you said you fear psychopathic tendencies in your husband, a women's shelter/domestic violence counsellor or program might well be a better fit.

Wishing you peace and healing.

 

[Whitneys story]

Hostagesoul, I am so glad you have found the Forum. There are some excellent articles on the home page which really help!

They offer options that our minds don't process when there are too many things to sort out! Yes you have many options.

Welcome, Whitney

 

[hostagesoul]

Thank you for such a warm welcome everyone!!! It's very odd for me to do this, to reach out. I'm glad I did! I am happy to have some leads now, thank you. I wonder, is it difficult for others with CPTSD to condsider the future or to try to work towards bettering the future? I often feel, why bother, I don't want to be here. Not sure how to get past that.