When There Really Is Nothing To Look Forward To.

[InHell11]

I am trying to remain as positive as I can about the situation, which I admit isn't all that positive. I mean sometimes in order to motivate myself to just make it through the days I try and think of things I could maybe do some day or that maybe I'll figure it out and finally be able to say I am at least satisfied with my life.

Issue is in reality I am applying for SSI, what direction my life goes depends on that...if I cannot get approved even through appeal then things are likely even more bleak. I mean even with SSI my idea of trying to get a low cost apartment or something and a psychiatric service dog would likely prove very difficult, not sure I could manage both those costs. I just feel like no matter how I slice it there is no real way to really get my life started. I mean even if it was enough for me to live a bit more independently and cover some medical expenses and such I still have to be dealing with the system, knowing at any time they could cut off the SSI. I'd prefer not to have to depend on a system I don't trust to survive.

Does anyone else feel like all your efforts to try and keep at least a slightly positive perspective are just a waste of time? like when you know that your current goal likely isn't going to really get you very far.

I don't know I guess I don't really quite understand how I feel about this, I guess it's maybe just really dawned on me that I'm 23 and have a life of continuing financial struggles/desperation, being looked down on for being something tax dollars are wasted on(being on SSI) and potentially more bad experiences with the mental health system...and continuous mental health struggles. Yet I feel like I have to act like I really believe it will all work out around my family when I am more convinced I am in for a roller coaster ride from hell. Some people think 'but you're so young and have a full life ahead of you.' Yeah maybe back when I was 18 I would believe it well actually I did believe I could finally go into the world and life the life I want whatever that is, and I know where that got me.

Anyways, sorry for the long rant, others have it worse I should probably just be happy with my wonderful life.

 

[safenow]

Hi InHell,

It is very scary to think you have to depend upon others, when in the past that didn't work out so well. SSI will help with some basics, but you need to also apply for medicaid to help with your medical expenses, and food stamps to help in that area. I do know that there are agencies to help you get a service dog. The only expense would be to travel to the training center and back. Plus, the upkeep of the dog.

Bless your heart, don't give up. Things may seem bad right now, but they will get better. Many of us have been where you are now, and some day you will be saying this same thing to others as well.

Safe hugs if you allow them.

 

[InHell11]

If they don't get better though, then what? I mean I guess I know realistically there could be some improvement, well actually I really don't know that and can't make myself believe it. In fact I am even a bit afraid to believe that since every time I have in the past its only led to crushing disappointment. Maybe if I somehow just felt better about the state of things it wouldn't bother me so much, but not sure how to do that either.

 

[Hashi]

I'm feeling something similar, and it's really bleak.

I think part of my problem is that I have no picture of what better would look like, so I don't really believe in it. And then, of course, there's this question:

If they don't get better though, then what?

My plan B, in case things don't get better, is to try to get through the rest of my life like a robot. It's not a very good plan, especially considering how much of my life there is left.

So I think things have to get better, somehow. My hope levels at the moment are really low, though.

Maybe if I somehow just felt better about the state of things it wouldn't bother me so much, but not sure how to do that either.

Do you mean accepting things as they are? That's something I do find helpful, as far as I can manage it, especially mindfulness. It makes everything less big, and that allows me the possibility that this unknown future might be better because of little things that are achievable, instead of feeling that some impossible, huge change would need to take place.

I think it always makes it worse when you have uncertainty over things that will make a difference. I'm afraid I don't know what SSI is, but I'm guessing it's some sort of support from the state? If so, then not knowing if you'll get it, and not knowing if you can get an apartment or a dog, is a lot of not knowing at the moment.

Trying to stay hopeful can be very hard. I'm sorry you have this situation. I do hope it gets better for you, but I understand the feelings and the worry that it won't.