Confessing Ptsd: "their" Reaction

[Upside Down Eagle]

Hi everyone,

I wonder if anybody here recognizes this. You prefer not to tell people you have PTSD, because you are afraid you strike them as being extremely dramatic, and maybe people will think you like to be seen as a victim, because then you will get more attention and maybe even a special treatment.

For example, I don't go to college because it's a lot of stress (rooms with over a hundred students). People might think I'm just lazy and my PTSD is an excuse to stay at home and sleep. I receive money aid because I have been labeled handicapped. Which people may regard as completely unfair because they have to work for it.

I hate telling my professors that I have PTSD, I even hate telling it to my relatives. I think they will just see me as this big whining (and somewhat pathetic) woman that is needy for attention. This is kind of logical, because that's the way my parents used to treat me, they told me I was this annoying pain in the... that would do or say anything to get attention.

How about you though?

 

[dms]

I understand Redise.

 

[Grace511]

I agree. My parents do not know about my diagnosis and I prefer to keep it that way.

 

[DharmaGirl]

Sometimes I tell people. Sometimes after I do they are afraid of me. I don't see many new people anymore. I did join a PTSD group where everyone understands. I used to tell people so they would be more aware of it, but now I'm not working so I don't bother. I understand the stress of not going to college, I can't go to work. People seem to think there is something I could do. If I could work from home I just might.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

It sucks when you're told to stop acting like a victim when you're just looking for support. Then again, the same person who told me that also told me that I'd regret kicking a parent out of my life because I only get one set. What crap. Now you know why she's no longer in my life!

It sucks that people don't understand. I used to struggle with this a lot. My dad tells me all the time that nobody is going to understand me so in effect I should accept it rather than fight against it. He's right. I stopped caring so much what everyone thinks about me because either way I'm screwed! I mean if they really knew all I struggle with, they'd run for the hills. As it is they think I'm using the system because I'm awesome at putting on a pretty facade out in public. It just shows that no matter what you do you'll have critics, so why even bother?

 

[Abstract]

I think they will just see me as this big whining (and somewhat pathetic) woman that is needy for attention.

Yes very much Radise. And I am also concerned they will think I am lying. Dramatic attention seeking whining liar! ;)

Sorry this is the way it is for you. I guess others may well react in these ways but what is really damaging is us treating ourselves this way. And caring what they think.

 

[Barberian]

If people don't accept you for who you are, are they really your friend? If they are not your friend, why concern yourself with what they think.

Just be who you are, that way the people who WANT to be in your life will be there because... they want to be with the real you. Don't worry about stereotypes, we can't get by ANY encounter without some measure of a stereotype weighing in.

Example: Have you ever acted atypically and shocked your friends? You acted out of the stereotype they have built in their minds about you. People have gone their entire lives not doing what they wanted to because they were doing what they thought other people thought they should be doing.

If I could work from home I just might.

I've often thought of this or volunteer work, but any given day, my concentration, attention span, and ability to think rationally suffer greatly making even simple tasks nearly impossible. I go out to work in the yard and start working on 20 projects, bouncing between the projects, and finish none.

 

[Tosh]

I only tell someone if its absolutely necessary. I'm in college and have only had to email one teacher regarding my anxiety. This was because it was a class on public speaking. I had to get up in front of everyone and give speeches during each class! Talk about anxiety! When I got up there the first time, I felt all lightheaded. So, I sent him an email, just to give him a head's up. I wouldn't want to pass out from the anxiety and have them think something else was wrong. Usually, I just tell them I have really bad anxiety. Most people don't know or understand what P.T.S.D. is and it's kinda hard to explain.

 

[Upside Down Eagle]

Lots of reactions! Guess I'm not alone in this at all.... the thing with PTSD is I guess, people tend to only know it from TV and from war movies. Like you tell them you have it, and then they look at you all surprised and ask you "oh, you mean this thing that veterans have?" (seriously, that's the reaction I've gotten at times....) and they just can't believe that you might behave in a similar way, because "you've never seen real horror" (or at least that's what they like to believe...). "Real horror" is on the edges of society, but never in it, not for most people.

People seem to think that if you really have such a thing, you'd be acting like your stereotype messed up veteran (any of you know happy tree friends? Flippy is the perfect example...), who jumps up at everything, gets raving mad and then puts a knife to their throat and start yelling incomprehensible things about a vague past. Which is exactly how I have felt plenty of times, except I behave pretty normal at a lot of times, too. I've become good at hiding the disorder and you guys have probably learned how to do that, too.

So you come across as perfectly normal, which for them tends to be enough cause not to believe you when you talk about the disorder... if you act normal in front of them, there's just nothing wrong with you. But if and when they catch a glimpse of the anxiety or the anger, they run for it... which seems really cowardly (to most of us, I suposse) and it's hard to just let them go without labeling them as such and getting mad at them. Their behavior just tends to make me question myself at times, everything else seems so normal now (did THAT really happen to ME?!..)

 

[dms]

Your not alone at all on this site. Have a Blessed Day!

 

[rightkindofme]

I am Out about the whole PTSD thing. I talk about it a lot in basically every circumstance I am in. My freaking random neighbors I meet running all know because I have been talking with them for more than five years.

People react because of them and their life, not because of me. Sure, lots of people are ignorant and I've had some fierce descriptive conversations but I'm a born teacher, I love that part.

Once or twice people have tried to be dismissive because I am not a combat vet. I was err overly emphatic as I gave the four minute autobiography and the response was, "holy sh!t yeah you can react any way you want." Darn Skippy.

Some people react negatively. I have we'll over a dozen people I can call in the middle of the night because I am so out. It is weird to understand that my self loathing is not shared by other people. They don't hate me like I do.

The people who are rude or terrible I don't talk to any more. Sure, my bio family wasn't nice about it but they were the psychopaths who damaged me. Of course they won't be supportive.

I have told hundreds of people about having PTSD. It gets easier and easier.

When I don't want to get into it but I know my reactions are going off the rails I tell new to me people, "I'm sorry that I seem kind of distressed right now. Have you heard of PTSD? It is where your brain loses the ability to determine that I am not in danger so I have to consciously work through each situation and that is hard. Give me a few minutes."

I am matter of fact and unashamed. My brain got stuck on the "be scared" cycle. That happens sometimes. *shrug*

College professors were ridiculously supportive. I needed help badly and they gave it.

Throughout my life I have constantly asked for help from basically random people. It is both safer and easier to find help that was. There isn't an escalating tab of favors. The cost of asking is low. The refusal doesn't hurt as much. There are more random people, whatever. Through relying on "pay it forward" I have cobbled a life together.

I don't love all the reactions I get but overall I benefit so much from being Out that I just couldn't shut my mouth again. For me that feels like death.

I understand that not everyone works like me. :)

 

[DharmaGirl]

It is where your brain loses the ability to determine that I am not in danger so I have to consciously work through each situation and that is hard. Give me a few minutes."

I love this quote!! Can I use it?

Yes, you are right, Abstract, we must not buy into what they say about us. That is why I used to tell people. If it could happen to me, a charge nurse on a busy unit who is also the union rep, who people like to work with, it can happen to anyone. (No, I am just lazy now and looking for sympathy.) If I can't work, and I used to be a workaholic, then it must be debilitating. (No, I could work a different kind of nursing, even though much of it triggers me and I can't sit for long, or stand for long.) {because of my back} I don't want to be poor again. I hope I can find a job I can physically and emotionally perform because work is important to me. In the meantime, I will try to inform people about what is, and isn't PTSD.

I overheard my neighbor say, "If you say a certain word it can set them off." He was explaining to another neighbor why I was angry with him. He didn't tell the part where he stands in the driveway and talks about me to his wife. I told him I could hear everything they say in the driveway, since my bedroom windows face it, and interestingly enough, they stopped talking in the driveway.