Weaning Off Anti-depressants And Anti Anxiety Medications. How To Deal With Arising Feelings?

[ms spock]

One of the steps in managing being off the medication is that I need to continually keep reframing my focus on my emotional regulation.

I am finding that off the medication that I am dealing with my self hatred more and more.

Yesterday was helpful in that I came to an understanding that my parents set a baseline of feeling bad about myself and that now I have to begin from scratch and change this. It does seem unfair on some levels but it is good that I can work on it and change it. It will take time.

I can give back the shame and guilt to my parents. It was their job to provide security, safety and nurturing. It was not my job as a small child to meet their needs. I ended up loathing myself because they were angry that their child (me) could not meet their needs.

I have to choose to make differences in my life everyday. I need to stop living a life of emotional deprivation. I have to give myself little things.

I need to choose to do things that make a difference to my life, despite the fact that they are so difficult to do. Today I have done some of those things.

It is really small gradual progress. It is hard but I am doing it.

 

[SweetPeaandSunBird]

It is really small gradual progress.

I can understand why you conceive it as "really small gradual progress," but from my vantage point in reading your posts and your determination, I find what you just recently wrote and processed as incredibly HUGE progress.

 

[ms spock]

I am grateful for the insight it will take a good 12 months to stabilize after coming off the medication as I learn to deal with everything that the medication was masking. I have really been considering what I need to do to get on top of all the overwhelming feelings of low self worth, paralysis and feeling bad about myself. I can give back to my parents their stuff that they dumped on me. I can do small things each day to make my life better. In the Happiness Advantage Shawn Archer talks about getting a guy to focus on a small area in his room and keep that clean and I am doing that with my thinking at the moment. Trying to keep one section of my thinking clear each day. It is helping.

As a result of this the self hatred is not so prominent today, in fact right now, it is not here. The feeling so bad about myself has abated. I actually feel like I can get things done today.

Instead of feeling like I have to fight my way through the day. Instead of fighting through all those negative feelings all the time.

 

[just me here]

The feeling so bad about myself has abated. I actually feel like I can get things done today.

Score! Welcome to the next level!

A little more of this everyday and you will reach your goals eventually. It is inevitable-isn't it?

 

[ms spock]

I hope so just me here!

I am feeling pretty crappy right now. I did okay. I went out and bought three pairs of pants from the op shop. I went to a still life drawing class. I disclosed about my father trying to kill us (whilst saying this is why I don't like violent films) and then I felt ashamed for saying that.

I will have a bath and then go on to the next thing.

This is going to take some time.

 

[ms spock]

I had a bath, read The Happiness Advantage, adjusted my attitude and thoughts, had a nap and now I am off to go to Tai Chi.

 

[ms spock]

I went to bed early last night as I was so overwhelmed with feeling bad and feeling swamped by all I have to do. I am living on the edge of emotional deprivation and not being here. I am a mess.

 

[ms spock]

I am having a really hard day today.

I feel so totally overwhelmed and anxious.

I almost feel like I can't go on.

It is all too hard. It feels all too hard.

 

[SweetPeaandSunBird]

(((Ms. Spock)))

Do you have some herbal tea? Maybe you could make a hot cup of tea and sit in a soothing hot bath. I feel for you and am sending you thoughts of support.

 

[just me here]

The water is great for me. Especially my hot tub. Something about the water just helps.

I have a mental imagery thing I use that involves noticing the sensations I get from all of my body and taking a non judgemental stock of all the different sensations, no good ones, no bad ones, just feelings and noticing them and moving on without assigning a positive or a negative. It makes moving on to my thoughts easier, I can hopefully get there and start in on the mind noise and chatter and take stock of all of that without assigning values, just noticing and moving on.

It has been hard to do during these withdrawals but manageable. Much easier in the water, so much easier that I have been heading there whenever possible.

This is a long weekend for me, I will be re-plumbing my well and pressure and water storage tanks, spending time in the hot tub and hopefully taking my boat out for a river cruise unless it rains, maybe BECAUSE it is raining. Lots of water in the near future, it feels better just looking forward to it.

Hot tea in the hot tub. Try a warm soak, it may be the help you need to get by the hard parts Ms. Spock. Good thoughts

 

[ms spock]

I feel like it is all too hard and like I don't have what it takes to go on. My default is so low. I know that this is coming off the meds stuff but it all feels so difficult.

I will try the bath thing. I did that yesterday and it did help.

 

[ms spock]

I did feel better last night and this morning.