I Feel Like A Tornado...

[Upside Down Eagle]

Of late (past few weeks) I have become more tense than usual or so it seems... or maybe I am now handling my anger issues in a better way (by being active, instead of getting angry). I feel like a freaking tornado. Like I have to get the hell out of here now and start running immediately and just never stop, like Forrest Gump.

I think this is good (it doesn't feel negative). Like all the stress that I have been keeping deep down is finally pouring out, all at once. I'm like fireworks (when I have slept enough -because when I haven't it works the other way around and I feel like a retarded zombie throughout the day).

The energy gets into my enthousiasm about other stuff too, like the skydiving and interest in aerobatic aviation. These things radiate what I feel -explosive speed combined with insanity. In the meantime though I can't focus on the things that are due -my university courses. This entire year I managed to pass only two courses (out of a possible eight).

In the past month I've been trying to focus on the study. So far I study like three or four hours a day but it isn't enough. I missed all colleges and working groups because of insomnia (can't sleep at night and my anxiety issues worsen when that happens). Makes me feel guilty because I receive government aid and I should be worthy of the taxes people have to pay for me...

 

[Springer80]

Makes me feel guilty because I receive government aid and I should be worthy of the taxes people have to pay for me...

I'm sure you're doing your best and you really don't need extra things to worry over!

 

[Pencil]

Why is it so difficult for you to settle down and focus on your studies?

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Have you considered taking a leave of absence from school? Or possibly cutting down your load to just one class? (This is what I did.)

I took one class my first semester back, and did so-so....I got an A but my anxiety was definitely a big factor. This semester I took 2 classes and did a lot better. A few bumps, but overall a success. This summer I'm only taking one class but time wise it will be the equivalent of 3 classes because its only a month long.

Maybe you can't take a full load, and that's ok. I think you can find a great sense of accomplishment by starting slow and building your way up rather than taking on too much and failing the majority of your classes.

 

[Springer80]

What SOL said.......:tup:

 

[Upside Down Eagle]

Hey you guys, thanks for the replies :) Well, here it goes: I just quit. I didn't quit the university, but I quit the two courses I was following... it's too much... !! The past three weeks I have been trying to keep up with it, reading and summarizing the books at home but I'm just not absorbing the information quickly enough to keep up with their dizzying speed (even though I claim to be a tornado). I went to talk to the study counselor and she granted me an extra week to write the essays, but even then I know I won't be able to.

Why is it so difficult for you to settle down and focus on your studies?

Anxiety most of all. When I do sports, I'm doing something that requires a "tense state of mind". It actually burns up the adrenaline in my body. But theory about "the dynamics of etnicity and nationalism" really doesn't -there is so much going on in my brain at the same time, I just can't sit still in front of a computer and absorb this stuff. I usually employ sports as a method to calm down, but lately I do sports two hours a day and still I am a ticking timebomb. My T once gave me medication for it (she thought I had ADD), but it turned me into a zombie and made me feel more depressed than ever, so I didn't stick with that.

Have you considered taking a leave of absence from school? Or possibly cutting down your load to just one class?

I considered that, but a little too late... I am doing much better than I used to do with respect to the PTSD, compared with three years ago. Sometimes I feel so great, I feel I can take on the entire world and I take on this huge load because I'm confident at that point that it will be no problem. That attitude always turns out to be too optimistic. I take on so much load that in the end I end up collapsing beneath it and failing everything. So you make a really good point... another thing is I don't like my university. It's so far from my home and I don't have any friends there at all, so I decided to try and switch to another university which is more in my area and where students get promised a more personal approach... :)

 

[Springer80]

Of late (past few weeks) I have become more tense than usual... being active... I feel like a freaking tornado...start running immediately and just never stop...

I think this is good (it doesn't feel negative)...I'm like fireworks (when I have slept enough -because when I haven't it works the other way around and I feel like a retarded zombie throughout the day).

The energy gets into my enthusiasm about other stuff too,... In the meantime though I can't focus on...(uni) things...

I was just thinking Radise, this sounds a bit like when I went into a bi-phasic response....Do you swing from loads of energy enthusiam to totally wiped out with really bad muscle ache?

 

[Pencil]

I was just thinking

I had the same thinking ...

 

[Upside Down Eagle]

Well I do have muscle ache sometimes, but even when I'm active and it's not really bad. Most of the time my back hurts because I tend to sit with my back a bit bent... and sleep on the couch, which isn't good (I have yet to buy a new bed).

During the day I have moments where I'm complety frenzied with energy, and then all of a sudden I do feel incredibly tired -like I can't concentrate (cannot even understand the things I'm reading) and all I want to do is just sleep. Also during the day I tend to have moments where I'm sad and crying, or feeling depressed, and the next happy and laughing.

It's really confusing, but it doesn't feel negative. Feels more like I'm switching from a very long term depression (I've fought depression, light and heavy, in the past six years) to a period in my life where I'm happier. I found some article about this bi-phasic response online (didn't know what it was), did you do anything about it or did it just pass?