Weaning Off Anti-depressants And Anti Anxiety Medications. How To Deal With Arising Feelings?

[just me here]

Thats great!

I am now past the one week mark, no anti-anxiety meds for 7days as of bedtime last night. I am amazed that I can continue to drink 4 or more liters of water every day and have dry cracked skin on my knuckles, I can sleep as much as 10 hours in a day (if I am lucky or overtired from lack of sleep) and have dark circles under my eyes. I am practically swimming in sweat some nights, sheets get changed as often as socks and underwear these days.

But a positive change is starting- I am getting 3 and 4 hour periods of noticeably higher energy and a desire to use it! That was my motivation for dropping this drug in the first place. If my energy level continues to get better and better I will be so happy I dropped the meds. I can see that I may go right past feeling like myself again to feeling better than I did even before the meds were prescribed.

Glad the hot soak did you good. If I could go back in time I would have started in using the tub more, sooner. It helps me more than drinking all of this water and sleeping so much has.

 

[maddog]

This thread is really validating and helpful to me, your honesty and sharing means a lot. While I'm not going through the process of medication withdrawal, i'm living through the process of trying to manage extreme depression and anxiety symptoms without medications, which I can't take for other health reasons. So all of the tips and strategies and overall experiences you guys are dealing with, really help me.

I wish we could all just go somewhere warm and safe and feel better. Gosh I wish that so much.

Maddog

 

[just me here]

wow. I work a ten hour day at my regular job, and then I go home and do projects that keep me hopping for an even longer day than that. Emergency plumbing sucks, I nicked a water line and had to repair it ASAP! While my family was boiling their drinking water I was driving into town and back to get a fitting I thought I had on hand.

But the stress was manageable and the fear and anxiety of taking on a project that I really don't have a full plan for was not a problem. The worst has happened and I laughed about it.

Anti anxiety pills were holding me back from my life. I did have a reduction in nightmares and aural hallucinations that wake me up when I am in a bad head state, and I remember thinking that after years of anti-D's I had finally been given a drug that has EFFECTS instead of just the side effects all the SRI's had. Now I wish I had just muscled through all of it.

The best is yet to come. I feel like I have taken off the training wheels and am ready for the rest of my life now.

Right now I just wish I didn't have a headache, circles under my eyes and a feeling like I could throw up and a desire to just go lay down.

My wonderful wife says I sound like a fiber myalgia sufferer or a woman going through menopause. Add morning sickness to that and I can say I am just getting in touch with my inner middle aged menopausal/pregnant woman. Once again I am reminded that women are tougher than men. I feel as wimpy and puny as I can remember feeling, but I am getting better for longer periods of time every day.

And I am saving myself from hiring a plumber, getting some necessary plumbing done and handling the emergency plumbing just fine thank you very much. Whats next?

Thanks for the boost Maddog.

Ms. Spock, how are you today?

 

[ms spock]

Hey just me here I am hanging in here. I had a tough day on Saturday felt really bad and was pretty wiped by the SI feelings and feelings of hopelessness, helplessness and despair. I have wasted so much of my life living out the complex trauma stuff and I felt crushed about that. On the other hand I am more here now and not so dissociated and blabbing on so that is really good.

Had a really stressy start to the day yesterday and felt like crawling back into bed but pushed myself and my friend had a mishap and arrived two hours late but I spent about six hours with her and that was pretty good. I shared some of my insecurities and fears with her and she was reassuring.

I am finding it so hard to get motivated, to eat, clean, get organised etc but I did get up and do a some exercise this morning, run an errand and tidy up just a little.

It feels really crappy. So terribly crappy but I am doing it. Sometimes it feels like I am just hanging in there by the skin of my teeth and some times, like yesterday it was very mixed but with some nice moments.

I am going okay I guess.

 

[just me here]

It feels really crappy. So terribly crappy but I am doing it. Sometimes it feels like I am just hanging in there by the skin of my teeth and some times, like yesterday it was very mixed but with some nice moments.

I am going okay I guess.

That's very much like what is going on here. I go to bed thinking I didn't get anything done but feeling like I have been pushing myself along all day. I waste a lot of time checking and rechecking things because I am very aware of my inability to concentrate. The headaches are a constant misery but the worst part of having them is the inability to think clearly. It is very frustrating.

Sometimes my ability to gauge time is impaired. I think the up and down swings cause me to feel like time is dragging along or like I am not keeping up with the clock and my expectations of myself, like I am dragging along but the world clicks along all around me. My ability to keep a reliable time line in my head is all fouled up. Because of the cycling from bad to good and back again, my days are like a series of days rolled in to one, a week is like a month.

I talked to my sister and was sure we hadn't even exchanged emails for a few weeks, I kept telling her whats new like we had to get caught up and she surprised me by already being aware of things I was sure she hadn't heard about yet. Afterwards, I went online and found an email reply to a thread we had both visited last week, just 5 days ago.

Even with the headaches and sore muscles and poor concentration and a low threshold for frustration and an intermittent desire to throw up or go take a nap, I know this is all temporary and am reminding myself I will be glad I stuck it out and got past it all. Eyes on the goal, left foot right foot.

 

[ms spock]

I am really struggling at the moment. I have finding it really, really hard.

 

[The Albatross]

Learning how to differentiate day to day stress (which everybody feels) from our hyper awareness and tendency to over analyze stress is tough. But doable. Can you allow that in day to day living, there is some stress? I needed to develop some stress tolerance, just like I needed to develop some frustration tolerance.

 

[just me here]

Can you allow that in day to day living, there is some stress?

Yes, I would never expect a stress free world. If you analyze it, stress is what keeps you going. Without the stress of the next mortgage payment coming due, I might never get out of bed and go to work again. The stress of an ever present threat of fines or jail is just enough to keep us from driving 20 mph over the limit and we all balance the stress of being late with the stress of being ticketed and drive 5 to 10 over the limit. The stress of living a life with no food is enough to keep me from buying a new boat or car or ????? :)

The nastiness of a hard drug withdrawal isn't really stress for me. It has made me very aware of my threshold for frustration and being overstressed, and it is harder than ever to resist grabbing some people by the collar and teaching them the lessons daddy never got around to, but I balance that against the stress of losing a job or spending a night in county jail (never have but I am betting I wouldn't like it much) and get over it.

This withdrawal thing is more like having a very bad case of the flu and low blood sugar and sore aching muscles and no desire to do much more than breath and rest and drink and eat, even those desires come and go. It is it's own new type of sickness with a very slow recovery time. That's not stress, that's just feeling crummy.

I am hoping you can start having some more good days Ms. Spock. I feel for you, I am luckily getting better and having more good hours in a day everyday. Still, I wish it would just get better- for you and for me. Hope you can find some good in every day and just keep on doing this hard thing till it is done, good thoughts to you.

 

[HëllaBubz]

I am not doing very well at the moment.

However, I have noticed that I can feel more than I used to, so when something good happens, I can enjoy it, even if it is only fleeting.

I don't know how to explain it, but when my partner is home, I feel ok, like he can settle me, get rid of the anxiety somewhat and cuddle up without feeling so emotionally bereft.

He and my brother have gone for a movie, and I stayed home because I don't enjoy being in the dark cinema, I feel like I'm trapped and can't walk away if I feel overwhelmed by the environment.

So right now I'm feeling incredibly lonely now that he has gone, even though it is only been half an hour.

I'm also struggling with my body, I don't know what to eat, the tiredness is making me constantly nauseous, and then when I'm feeling nauseated, anything I eat makes me feel off color.

I'm hating my body right now, I feel fat, a mass of blubber with no strength or tone, I can't go an exercise because any exertion makes my head spin and my stomach churn, if I walk quickly up a set of stairs my head starts to pound and my stomach threatens to revolt.

I'm grinding my teeth, so brushing my teeth right now is painful, and when combined with how disgusting my body feels.....I'm just feeling downright shit.

I went for an hour massage, my first in months, but now that my partner is gone my body has stopped hurting but now my mind is sitting by itself in a corner, crying for my other half.

I truly hope getting a dog is going to help this, I feel like other than my partner I do not have an emotional outlet where I can get rid of things or express affection, sometimes I really just need to be able to wrap my arms around someone or something and just hold them for a while.

My brother in law's wedding is at the end of August, and if they expect me to attend, I'll need to bring Gremlin with me because I will not be able to cope with so many strangers.

And I just know that as soon as he and his fiancee find out, they are going to put up a fight or ask if I can't just suck it up for a day, and 'you'll be fine, it's not that bad.'

No one wants to acknowledge the f*cked up girl who needs to be supported constantly, if they remove my support then I look normal and they don't have to been seen associated with a mental cripple.

I don't know how else to say it other than I just feel really.....shit.

 

[just me here]

I don't know where you folks are in the world, I am in North America. If you are here you know about National Public Radio. Anyway, they often have very insightful interviews with famous people and this morning it was Stephen King. I have never been a fan really, I know he writes very dark scary books that sometimes get made into dark scary movies.

Mr. King was struck by a car in the late 90's, broken bones all over one whole side of his body. He talked about pain and pain killers, and I drew one little nugget from his interview. He talked about a point at which he was becoming addicted to the pills where he realised that his brain was telling him the pain was unbearable so that he would take the pills for the reward of getting a break from the pain that his subconscious was creating in order to get more of the drug.

Am I feeling stress at a higher level than those around me because my brain is telling me things are worse than they are so that I will go back on the anti anxiety pills? It seems to be within the realm of possibility. After all, our brains are so complicated and the inner workings are so far beyond our understanding, I can't say I believe it or mount a reasonable argument against it.

That's my thought for today: Is this really stressful or is it a way for my brain to get me to succumb to stress and anxiety and go back on the drug it misses?

Hang in there fellow withdrawal travellers, left foot-right foot-left foot-right foot.

 

[ms spock]

I had a rough week but I am doing a bit better now.

 

[ms spock]

I saw my psychiatrist and she said I was reliving trauma over and over and that the suicidal ideation and hopelessness and helplessness were part of that. It really helped put it in perspective. I was really struggling with eating, sleeping, being alive, managing the basics and it is going to take some time but I feel I can manage a bit better now.