Change Therapists Or Wait It Out?

[BlackbirdSinging]

I'm starting to think I might need to change therapists. I went in to see her today and I asked her what I can do when I feel extreme anxiety. She wants me to "distract it away". She wants me to do things out of the house and make my days busy.

I've had PTSD for years. Even when I raised my 2 kids on my own and had to fight with days where I felt overwhelmed by symptoms I didn't understand. Eventually it got to the point where I was isolating more and more and doing basic things was overwhelming to me.

My point is wasn't I distracted and busy then? Didn't I just push symptoms aside then and force myself to function the best I could then? And didn't that NOT work then because I wasn't processing and dealing with my feelings and what was happening? Aren't I supposed to be facing things and learning coping mechanisms to deal with this stuff and not just put it away somewhere and try to forget it's there?

 

[Donna-1]

As I understand it, what you are saying is you do not want to be distracted, you want a solution. The problem is always right in front of you: anxiety, fear, whatever. Even if something does distract you, you know it will only be momentary. Distractions are not permanent fixes. And life being what it is, few of us can focus on distractions for long because "real life" demands that we be able to be fully functional ALL the time WITHOUT distractions.

This is one of my personal pet peeves. A therapist's job is to sit and listen and guide you to insights about how you got where you are and how you can achieve a better quality of life. Or even how to get that higher quality if you CAN'T figure out what's wrong. My therapist calls herself a "life coach." I suppose this lets her market herself to a wider audience. But it's the same old stuff.

I understand things that took years to break or at least crack cannot be fixed overnight. There is no superglue for the psyche. But meanwhile, just telling an anxious client to "distract themselves" by getting out of the house is something akin to telling a sex addict to distract themselves by reading a Playboy magazine. It only feeds into the problem.

 

[BlackbirdSinging]

Thank you! This is crazy but you just totally validated what I was thinking and feeling and I think I love you for that :hilarious:! I spent most of my session asking her "but what do I DO?". I finally said "ignore it away?" And that's when she said "distract it away". Honestly I was so frustrated because I have PTSD GAD and MDD and I was wondering if she thought I willingly sit down and invite intrusive and obsessive thoughts thoughts into my head. Being busy does help certain things at certain times but seriously I've been busy since I was 5 when it all started and I still ended up with PTSD. I don't think people can distract themselves out of their symptoms. If that's how it worked I would never have needed to go into therapy.

 

[Abstract]

Have you thought of doing DBT blackbird? It can be so helpful with stuff like this. There is a lot you can teach yourself too. Essentially one of its main aims is helping build skills with tolerating intense emotional states.

One of those skills is distraction actually! I totally get where you are coming from though as feel very similarly. I need zero encouragement to distract. Its practically part of my DNA. :p And in DBT it is only appropriate in certain contexts and not as the always-go-to way of dealing with things.

One of the times it is thought to be most useful is in the moment when the emotion is very intense and we at risk of self harm or other destructive stuff. And as soon as the wave starts ebbing it is time to do something else.

As someone previously very cut off from myself I always make sure to try to first connect to where I am and what I feel before doing it. And I find accepting first helps a lot for me too (see radical acceptance).

So although I would love to just affirm you and say "stupid t for ever even thinking that such a thing could be helpful"! ;) I rather affirm your personal feelings about it and say it is a coping skill when used appropriately and wisely. :D

"life coach

My personal opinion about any therapist that calls themselves a life couch is that are all very directive (have a led approach) and are about trying to fix ones life rather than acting as a therapist. Life couches and therapists are very different things in my mind despite what training they started off with. Many are under qualified but qualified t's who do this in my opinion are more focused on personal power and don't like the dynamic of therapy and listening. My sister is a good example. The only way she could contemplate actually treating was coaching. Just my opinion!

 

[piratelady]

I was wondering if she thought I willingly sit down and invite intrusive and obsessive thoughts thoughts into my head. Being busy does help certain things at certain times but seriously I've been busy since I was 5 when it all started and I still ended up with PTSD. I don't think people can distract themselves out of their symptoms.

Did you say this to her?

 

[Deleted member 1860]

My family tells me to distract myself. To their credit, none of them are therapists!

I think it is dismissive to just tell someone to distract themselves. Yes, distraction can be a coping mechanism, but often that's what most of us do even before seeking professional help. I understand that you were looking for a bit more!

 

[BlackbirdSinging]

Did you say

I told her part of that. I told her that distracting only helps with some things some times but that there are times when I'm so overwhelmed that no amount of trying to distract myself works. That's when she started giving me options for things to distract myself with. Like picking up garbage off of the beach once a week. I started getting frustrated because I felt like she didn't understand that I was asking for a coping mechanism and not a hobby.

 

[BlackbirdSinging]

Yes, distraction can be a coping mechanism, but often that's what most of us do even before seeking professional help. I understand that you were looking for a bit more!

Thank you! And yes exactly that! I feel the same way! I could have stayed home and keep trying to distract myself with life and try to keep trying to convince myself nothing happened. I wanted to go to therapy and for once face the beast and take the power from it so that I could reclaim my life.

 

[piratelady]

Like picking up garbage off of the beach once a week.

I wonder if by "distracting" she is thinking of mindfulness? I know that was suggested to me before. To do things like that (although in my case I was told to try gardening, etc) and to really focus on what I was doing and on all of my senses, what I felt, saw, smelled, etc.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

If she meant "mindfulness" and said "distraction", well isn't that a big mistake? I mean they're practically opposites! Mindfulness would put you in the moment whereas distraction just tries to take you someplace else.

 

[Abstract]

This might help. http://www.mydailydbt.com/2012/12/dbt-distracting-and-self-soothing-in.html and this, Link Removed

Blackbird, just so you know I relate. I don't think all types of coping are suitable for all of us and there can be a lot of reasons for that. For me I already distract automatically and my main issue is staying connected enough to my own feelings, thoughts and experiences in order to function better. Just so you know I am not saying you should distract more when it feels wrong for you.

I have met a few people who have recovered from trauma and who advocate this stuff really strongly and have felt similarly misunderstood. We are all different and need different things and healthy things can become unhealthy when over used or used inappropriately.

 

[BlackbirdSinging]

I wonder if by "distracting" she is thinking of mindfulness?

She might have but I got pretty specific with her asking if she meant I should ignore my anxiety away. Her response was that I should distract it away. There are times when it's so bad I can't focus on anything to become distracted by it enough that my anxiety reduces. There are times when I'm distracted and the anxiety overwhelms me and I can't concentrate anymore.

I went on to say something like "ok something has me feeling overwhelmed and very anxious for the past couple of days and when I go home I'm going to check on it. If I see that it's the same and the anxiety increases what should I do with my anxiety since it's already overwhelming me?". She told me to make myself busy today.

What I was hoping she would say was something more like "remember to do your deep breathing and meditate and try to stay focused in the moment or write out how you're feeling or reach out to a family member you trust" or something else I hadn't thought of. Or something that I haven't done that would be more effective than what I just listed.

Instead she wanted me to look into yoga classes and said we would address my anxiety next week with another session of tapping. Which by her own admission in today's session doesn't seem to be working for me. Spending another week overwhelmed with anxiety sounds like I'm going to be stuck struggling for another week. I want to be able to do something proactive when it gets bad. Not just sit and wait for her to try to tapping on me again or take up knitting like she once suggested.