I Can't Have Relationships

[Alienated]

I am new here and this is my first post. I have severe trust issues, and I have lived in isolation for 7 years now. I want to re-assimilate into society, but nobody will even talk to me. I am totally lost and confused, and I don't know what has happened to people. I feel totally disconnected and alienated, and don't fit I anywhere. I don't know what to do....

 

[Leah123]

Hi, Alienated, and welcome to the forum. Do you have PTSD? I was wondering what you meant by "nobody will even talk to me" and "what has happened to people." I'm glad you posted.

 

[Alienated]

I have allot of problems I guess... I was electrocuted in 1971, and they called it shell shock back then. And didn't have any treatments.

Nobody ever has time, or returns calls, or texts. My whole family is dead now, and I just don't know how to get peoples attention anymore. I am lost....

 

[Leah123]

I'm glad you replied. Have you considered volunteer work? People out in the world need help and would be really glad to have your help and talk to you. When I was feeling very lonely and all my family had turned against me, I volunteered for a crisis hotline and a summer-long free music in the parks organization and I felt better for it.

Have you considered therapy, would that maybe be an option? When I feel like no one would possibly want to hear what I have to say, I figure, at least my therapist is getting paid to.

Another option I took when I needed to socialize more was to post an ad on Craigslist and I found a walking partner that way. I wrote about myself a bit, so I could find someone like me that wouldn't mind hearing about me and I could help them by listening too.

It's no wonder you're lonely. I hope you find some comfort here and maybe one of these ideas or some from other people will help.

 

[Alienated]

Yes ... I have tried volunteering... and with the recession and unemployment there aren't many positions open anymore. I have contacted 71 mission organizations, and none would even talk to me. I have gone to 29 different churches and found absolute apathy.

And my Craigslist experience ... LMAO.... You don't what to know about !! SPOOKY !!

There aren't any groups or clubs around here... I have tried Celebrate Recovery, and I don't do well in crowds. I even tried just going to a coffee shop to drum up a conversation,, but everybody had their nose in a lap top. I live in a College town and everybody are just kids. And I admit I am a bit different, and very socially awkward.

I have spent the last 7 years in personal study, to recover from brain damage. And now I am better... I am trying to fit in... and just don't. It's a different world, and I feel like I am from the past !!

 

[Leah123]

Well, fitting in might be overrated. One thought- why not be yourself and find the people you really belong with. Persistence pays off. Sounds like you've been persistent in the past, I'm kind of amazed you counted 71 organizations? And I thought I was organized.

Another consideration- if you feel you don't do well in crowds, are turned down by all available organizations where you might volunteer, don't want to talk to the college-aged people, and are socially awkward, you could try more and different types of organizations, but also, I'm thinking you might find therapy or some type of coaching very helpful. I also did AA type groups in my youth which I found helpful.

 

[Alienated]

Yes I am a recovered alcoholic myself... I am sober 7 years now, but didn't use AA this time. spent 15 years in and out of AA.

Celebrate Recovery is similar, but has groups for all kids of problems. Not many can relate to what I went through, I don't think they know what to say. I actually lived in a residential drug and alcohol treatment center for 2 1/2 years, after a suicide attempt by starvation back in 06. And the last of my family died while I was in there.

They don't know what to say, and I don't know what to say... Awkward is a understatement to say the least.

I have spent all day, everyday all that time obsessively studying many sciences, human anatomy, and psychology. I self trained my self to retrain my mind using cognitive therapy, to reform the neuro thought pathways in my brain. I have had a total personality change, and don't even think the same way anymore. All of my interests have changed, but it doesn't seem anyone has any interests anymore. They have the attention span of gold fish, and I get extremely frustrated and don't know how to handle it.

And of course the counseling you mention.... costs money !! Well that's a BIG problem, and that's the only thing I feel I have in common with others. Which they don't see me as having anything od value to offer them, because money is the ONLY thing anyone around here wants !! Sooo No Dough No Go ...:(....

 

[franciemarnie]

You would identify with people in AA. A lot of people say they won't go because of the God issue but you don't have to believe in God. You don't have to comment in meetings if you don't want to. The only requirement is a desire to stop drinking. I had stopped drinking already like you but I sure learned a lot. You don't have to socialize or do anything at all but for that one hour, you will be around people who are like you. And I definitely met others with PTSD there if that matters. Isolation was deadly for me.

 

[Alienated]

Yes francie the isolation is starting to get to me... I was able to focus unbelievably for many years that, it never seem to bother me. But lately... It's chewing me up from the inside out. I am falling back into depression again, and I don't want to go back on medications again. I haven't needed any for over 2 years now, and I was on a BUNCH of them... I really don't want to go back there again.

I just want a live human being to spend quality time with... And that just doesn't happen anymore, and don't trust them.

One of my biggest problems is I lived with drug addicts for 2 1/2 years.... I am a human lie detector, and the BS alarm is driving me crazy !!

 

[cherryblossom]

What do you enjoy doing? I'm sure you could find people with similar interests to you. I can't imagine that the whole town is filled with college kids.

What about starting your own group if there really aren't any available? Something must interest you, which will also interest others - running, gardening, cooking, music, astronomy, flower arranging, chess, computer games, books, science, yoga, dog walking, photography, aromatherapy, singing, hill walking, rock climbing, cycling, stamp collecting . . . . ??

It's tough, once depression sets in, but the only way to overcome loneliness is to get out in the world and meet people.

I honestly think that your depression is clouding you here - be brave and try something new!!

 

[Alienated]

I know Cherryblossom... That makes total sense, doesn't it ?? In a sane world !! But we don't have that anymore do we ?

I am so out of place that people make me more unwelcome, unwanted, used, and disgusted, it makes me feel better about myself for isolating, because I am protecting myself, instead abusing myself anymore....

If I gave you a list of all the things I have tried, it would make you cry ! After what I have gone though, nothing new scares me. I live in a Nation where EVERYBODY is addicted to something.... And all addicts have one thing in common... ABSOLUTE SELFISHNESS. They are insane.. I am depressed because insanity has become normal, and sanity and morals are seen as weakness and attacked, robbed, raped, and killed for shits and giggles !!

As for my interests .... I have taught myself Human anatomy, physiology , and psychology. Inorganic and environmental chemistry, Greek, and Latin.

I have spent the last 6 years learning and applying to myself Cognitive Therapy, and reforming the neuro thought pathways in my brain, essentially changing the way I think and see things. I have had a complete personality change that has given me the strength to recover from 30 years of alcoholism, and self destructive behavior. I have strengthened my decision making abilities, by getting honest with myself, and taking responsibilities of those decisions. And forming testing methods to keep me on-track, from getting carried away by my emotions, and making informed decisions that are thought out.

But society has thrown common sense and truth away for emotional experience, realty for delusional day dreaming, lying a way of life and dealing with everyone and everything in every situation, put ALL want's above ANY real needs ( Including those of there own children), made denying first instinct before ever admitting anything, blaming everyone and everything else for one own situation, rewarding criminal behavior while condemning honesty, and only express absolute APATHY and call it LOVE......

So when you say be brave and try something new, I would rather choose immolation by jumping in a Volcano before becoming what society finds appealing and acceptable... I bet I would win the $100k prize on America's Funniest Home Videos !!
On the lighter side I wrote a poem ....

I've gone forth into the wilderness
And survived the ravaging of the predators,
in the simi-existing remnants of what we believed to be humanity.
To return to my den of solitude and say...
Screw that SHIT, them suckers are NUT'S !!

Because I already escaped that 30 years of Hell, and would NEVER go back !!

 

[cherryblossom]

Wow - I'm beginning to understand why you struggle to have relationships, since you have a very dim view of the world and all the citizens who live in it.

I live in a Nation where EVERYBODY is addicted to something. And all addicts have one thing in common... ABSOLUTE SELFISHNESS. They are insane..

So essentially, you believe that everyone in the whole of America (the nation where you live) is insane (presumably apart from you)?

Wow - that's one hell of a generalisation. You have some very extreme views. If I met you in real life and before even knowing anything about me, you believed that I was addicted, selfish and insane, and portrayed that to me, then I don't think I'd want to spend too much time with you, or be your friend. Perhaps that could explain why the 100 organisations you have contacted don't give you much time?

blaming everyone and everything else for one own situation

Isn't that what you are doing? It comes across to me that you are complaining of being depressed and lonely due to living in a nation full of insane people.

There are, no doubt, lots of crazy, selfish, harmful people around. But there are a damn site more good, healthy, happy, generous, friendly, loving, caring, selfless individuals around. Unless you change your attitude about the world being full of bad people, open your eyes and see the good in people, you will likely never move on from the loneliness and solitude of 'your world'.

I sincerely wish you well, and I hope you find what you are looking for.