My Mantra

[therisa]

A single step
Taken forward
Into the vast unknown.

Not knowing
Where the end destination
Will be or exist
For me.

Except
Stagnation means
The death of my soul
Through a thousand cuts.

Each more painful
Than the previous one
Which no one sees
But me.

Learning new strengths
Where none existed before
As I give battle
To my inner daemons.

Am I scared?

Yes
Often left shaking
With extreme anxiety.

But the journey
Needs to continue
If my true healing has
Any chance
To occur.

Must remember
Take deep calming breaths
When these times
Happen.

For the fear
Shall disappear
Like all other things
In my life.

And yes
I do need to remember
There will be days.

Which
I will need
To take a step backwards
Before I can move
Forward.

Accepting
My good days
With the bad ones.

 

[ashdawn8287]

That is beautiful. I reasonate with a lot of that. It's all about giving into it and letting go, just like breathing. It's about becoming resilient.

 

[therisa]

Thank you, Ashdawn. Lessons, I am learning, on a daily basis.

 

[ashdawn8287]

Have you ever thought about writing a chillingly honest book about your experience. Uncover the truths about your situation. There are some transsexual books out there but not many. I feel a lot of ignorance comes from miscommunication, misinformation, and misbelifs. You could get to the heart of it and really tell the truth.

 

[cdg]

Great post. Inspiration to keep going.

 

[therisa]

Have you ever thought about writing a chillingly honest book about your experience...

Honestly, Ashdawn, it would be, too full of triggers, for me. I have tried to write a series of monologues, but forced twice, to abandon this project, because it harming me.

Thank you, CDG.

 

[ashdawn8287]

Could you take small steps to getting to know your triggers and building your security. Each time you decide to get up and move forward after falling backwards it gets easier and more powerful getting back up each time.

You are safe therisa. I don't want it to cause you hurt but I think it is definately something to build small steps towards for you. Ignore the rest like self doubt, anger, all that negative learn how to let it go hon.

 

[ashdawn8287]

Uncover the truths about those ***holes that hurt you.

 

[cdg]

You are completely welcome, Therisa. Keep it up.

 

[therisa]

I am, Ashdawn. It was writing about my past violence and how it has affected, which was the trigger, for me. Riht now, I don't have the engery to continue, with it. Might write bits and pieces, over the coming months, but that's as far as, I am going to commit myself, for now.

Thanks, CDG. I am doing my best.

 

[ashdawn8287]

Small steps therisa. Use this forum during those times and repeatedivley tell yourself,"I am safe. I am in control." Keep me updated please and don't hesitate to message me. I check the forum every morning my time (central standard time).

 

[therisa]

I will, Ashdawn, and my three little ones, are a great teacher, for me.