Relationship Do I Let The Love Of My Life Go?

[exhausted 81]

The last few days I have been crying when the thought of him comes to mind. I miss him terribly and I am still so in love with him. I am confused to as to how someone who loves you can walk away. My suffer also has addiction issues. I did however get him to finally make up his mind and he broke up with me and its been almost two months. I feel so incredibly stupid and selfish for doing such a thing. He told me it was because he needs to be better before he can be better for me. He told me he loved me and didn't want me to think that he didn't. I just don't get how he doesn't even ask how I'm doing. I constantly worry about him and think about him but I don't want to bug him. I want to tell him so bad how much I want him back, and no I don't NEED him back. I can stand on my own, I have done it before for many years. I just feel like he is the love of my life and he is my best friend. I just can't seem to let go. The longer I don't hear from him the more I lose hope.

This is more of a release because I have no one to talk to that would even remotely understand. When have tried to talk to family or friends the common responses are "you deserve better", "move on", and my favorite "there are plenty of fish in the sea". Well my heart belongs to him and without him I have this little empty space, this void, that I fear will never go away. I don't want another "fish", I want him.

The more I read about PTSD and other stories on the forum, the worse I feel. Why didn't I read this before? Why couldn't I see what I had instead of being selfish and only thinking of myself? Is it best to let go OR is there hope?

As always I love the replies I get and want to thank you all in advance for any input you may have.

 

[Snowangel1225]

My suffer also has addiction issues. I did however get him to finally make up his mind and he broke up with me and its been almost two months. I feel so incredibly stupid and selfish for doing such a thing. He told me it was because he needs to be better before he can be better for me. He told me he loved me and didn't want me to think that he didn't.

It sounds like he has your best interest at heart. He does need to be better before he can be there for you. Maybe he is so tied up with his recovery efforts right now to put much thought or effort into checking on you or maintaining the relationship? I know two months can feel like a really long time when you are hurting, but it really isn't that long when you are working on getting a grip on an addiction. I guess if I were you, I would make contact with him to see how he is doing and let him know you still care. Then leave it up to him to decide if and when he is ready to have a healthy relationship with you.

 

[felicia]

Dear Exhausted,

The exact same thing happened to me so I understand your pain and suffering and you do feel alone when people especially family don't understand or care to hear it. I wish I had understood PTSD more while dating my sufferer also. Just give him some space and if later you feel like texting him...text him. Send him a short message just to let him know you care.

 

[exhausted 81]

Thank you ladies. Snowangel you are right. I just have to have faith and know that he is getting better. It feels so much longer than a few months because I am so used to having him around. I just wish I was able to tell him how I feel but I know he doesn't need that right now. He needs to focus. I just hope its a matter of time as to when he wants to have a healthy relationship with me not if. It feels so good to be able to get this out and get some good feedback!

 

[exhausted 81]

OK so I found out he is doing really well. He is holding down a job that he likes, going to therapy, he attends meetings every day, and meets with his sponsor. My question is why couldn't he do that while we were together? Am I not good enough for him? This is such a depressing realization along with the realization that he most likely isn't coming back. I understand that he has to focus on himself. I just feel like I was a stressor and possibly a trigger for him.

 

[felicia]

I wish I had an answer for you. My heart hurts for you because I know the pain.. and am still experiencing it. I'm not sure for you but for me it

 

[felicia]

seems like it keeps getting harder instead of easier. I feel dumb. I might just take a chance and text him today. IDK?! AGHHH!

 

[exhausted 81]

It does seem to get harder for me too! I am thinking about just having no contact with him for a while. I just have to face it that I need to move on BUT the thought of doing that just kills me! :cry:

 

[felicia]

I eat, sleep, drink, and everything I do is the person I love. Is there such thing as Love PTSD because I think I have it. I love him so much and cant let go. It's because I know he loves me. It makes me sick because why can't two people who love each other be together?! Why does it have to be so hard? Doesn't make sense.

 

[exhausted 81]

No it doesn't and that is what I am struggling with now as well.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Why couldn't he do that while he was with you? Because relationships make our stress cups overflow. It's not you personally, it's relationships in general. Love isn't enough unfortunately. :(

 

[exhausted 81]

So he wont be able to have a relationship?