Great list, Abstract! Ty for giving this important theme such a careful thought:) Can you link to the healing thread you mentioned up top, please? I got interested.
Reading it, I almost felt hit by a truck. Both cause it makes it painfully clear to me how far I have come on the path to healing, but also the staggering amount of work still to be done.
About retraining thought patterns: I usually tell the people in my life that I try to give myself the upbringing that none of my four parents were able to give me.
If I would add anything to your excellent list, two things. Healthy boundaries and forgiveness.
Healthy boundaries
It all started there for me. Respect is something earned, not granted or given. Action speaks louder than words. So when you treat others AND yourself with respect and care, it will come back to you. When I abuse myself, the self loathing and resentment creeps in and I also have more "irritable days". Call it karma, call it whatever. Bad behaviour's gonna bite you in the ass sometime.
The simple rule is: What I want is not necessarily what I need.
Forgiveness
Now, I know there are many very painful stories here in this forum. I'm not speaking on anybody's behalf, only my own story. I wish I could forgive the unforgiveable. I wish I could forgive my abusers, not because what they did was right. To me forgiving someone is not about them and how they have to repent and shit. (although sometimes it is, lol)
To me forgiveness is a present to myself. It's about releasing the anger and frustration someone gave me, and not letting it poison my thoughts.
Because I refuse to be a victim. I don't want what happened to me to steal any more prescious time. In some mysterious way my instinct tells me I have to forgive them. However, I still don't know how to achieve this.
As always, Abstract, you made me think.
