What Are You Avoiding Doing, That You Really Must Do In Order To Gain, Regain Or Maintain Wellness?

[mamachick]

I go to therapy and address issues-I get it intellectually, and even emotionally. It brings stuff up that I carry with me through the day and Im doing it. I call it progress. Yet I avoid al lot of other things. I avoid going to the grocery store, drug store, errands etc. I struggle as to whether there is something physically going on because I started with flu symptoms that havent gone away in 4 months now. I have a couple of decent hours a day and then Im done. I only have that because of Adderoll for a sleep disorder. Coffee makes me sick. Paying bills make me nervous. Making appointments I avoid because I can't committ-even to the dentist. My sleep is also so screwed up. I may go to bed at 11 and not fall asleep until 6 am. Then Im not up til 2pm. While I feel really physically crappy (headaches, nausea, aches, lymph nodes, 2 tx of antibiotics for sinus/bronchitis) I am sometimes afraid Im not getting better. Then I think its ptsd avoidance and Im somehow making or keeping myself sick, because if Im not sick, I should be going to the gym, taking dogs for a walk, even meeting friends for dinner and invites. I will have an awful headache and cant bear the cold in going out, so Ill cancel. Then I think all this fatigue is from going off hormones for menopause. I did have more energy when on them. I live alone in a 100 yr old huge house with four floors, 7 bedroom, 5 bathrooms, etc. which is the only reason I havent gained more than a few pounds-lots of steps. I live with 2 big dogs and my daughter comes home for the weekend about twice a month. I have low motivation. I also avoid the phone often. My therapist has told me that I need to go our and exercise, eat very well, do yoga, etc. I want to try until the time comes. I think the treament has to be our choice and we'll do it when we are ready. Which reminds me of the five stages of chance.
!. precontimplation-theres nothing wrong, I dont need to change, its everybody else 2. contimplation-maybe I do need to make this change, maybe xyz is impacting my life negatively 3. Planning, setting a date and time, considering how obstacles will be handled. 4. Making the change-taking action 5. Maintainance. I am clearly stuck in contimplation

 

[AmyO]

Hi brat17,

I know how you feel. The Adderoll jacks me up too! If you don't mind me asking...Narcolepsy or apnea? I have found that the addies also help aggravate my PTSD. You get so jumpy without them anyway, but when you get so "up", for lack of a better word, it just seems to make everything so much more tense. But when your depressed on top of it your body just doesn't know which way to go. I hope they find a middle ground for you. I know how hard it is to be an 'experienced' woman, ( I don't use the O word, {{{choke}}} ) Hang in there.

And Reclusive, thanks again..I got the kids out of the apartment for a while and silent cussed out the floor while listening to him gripe. While nothing got settled, I felt a little better. Amazing how brave I can be when no one is looking. Tee Hee.

 

[mamachick]

Initially I was unmedicated ADHD. After an accident-I was unconscious, broken rib, collapsed lung etc-monts later I had sleep study that saiid I ha a day time sleep disorder. Which really means that I do no ever want t o get up. I dont wake up until after adderoll and 2 c coffee. I just need them to wake up as much as I would prefer not to. I take it that you are taking Adderoll-narcoleptcy or apnea? And what is the O word

 

[AmyO]

I am Narcoleptic due to repeated head trauma. I will just drop if I don't keep myself going. I got steel toed boots to the head. And the O word is Older. I just don't want to admit it half the time. :laugh:

 

[Tinyflame]

And the O word is Older. I just don't want to admit it half the time. :laugh:

That's so cute ;), never would have guessed it:)

 

[The Albatross]

*blush* I'm avoiding sexual intimacy because of physical pain and emotional triggers.

 

[mamachick]

AmyO-I am not narcoleptic but because of similiar symptoms, (falling asleep during movie) it had to be ruled out. As I think about what I am avoiding-somedays I feel like I am avoiding living.

This winter, I rarely leave my house. The TV is on all the time, I use my computer. Three years ago I never kept my tv on and I did not know the shows. Now I find myself watching re-runs of desperate housewives-which I didnt even know what it was. I guess if you do not participate in relationships with people, its unlikely they will hurt me.

When I need to go to the grocery store and I leave the house to go, I have actually made a u turn and went and played slot machines instead. I survived domestic abuse of 30 years ago, had another minor head injury, only to be changed by a big chain cutting costs and greasing up the floor for customers to fall. (apologize for the sarcasm).

AmyO, I am so sorry that you have the physical on top of PTSD and I know that it makes it hard to seperate.

Some would find my life a bit adverse, but I have always had this belief or thought that the world provides us with everything we need, those adversities are part of what makes us who we are and I have accepted them. I would not have traded my negative childhood-it led me to be a better person, it gave me more empathy and compassion, led me to my profession, helps me to see big picture, etc.

Yet over the past few years I have asked-why is the world giving me all this bad stuff. After my head injury, I probably triggered ptsd, and had poor judgement at times. Thus bringing neg to my life. So I avoid the gym, the grocery store, wal mart, drug store, movie theatre, restaurant, parties, etc. I guess Im really avoiding the world and all human beings.

I didnt think I was mad at anybody until writing this and now realise that Im mad at the world. I am avoiding the world. These topics often help me to discover a feeling I didnt know was there.

Thank you all. And ps-I love experience replacing the O word.

 

[AmyO]

You have gone into what I consider my Stepford mode. I use it to just keep going. Put yourself on automatic and exist, basically. Your anger is so understandable. You think of everything that you have gone through and you think 'What did I do to deserve this?'. Nothing, you did absolutely nothing to deserve any of it. You are definately a better person. You come across with honesty that you don't see a lot. You think of others as you thought to apologize for sarcasm born of trauma. Everyone has made bad judgement calls. I have made my fair share lord knows. But a friend of mine told me once that God doesn't give you what you can't handle. (Her quote, as I feel that he has More faith in me than I do). But it seems that we all got to were we need to be as we have all become each others teachers in a sense.

I validate your anger as it is well earned. The world has come crashing down around you and you feel lost, so we turn into the cave. I have done it myself and am in it now. We need to be strong for some reason or another so in order to keep ourselves grounded we avoid the triggers so we don't have to deal. I do it because I have three son's with Ptsd as well and that if I am triggered they quickly follow. Hence, Stepford mode. It is safer and less painful. But it seems we live on to teach again. I feel that the next gen of ptsd victims will have a better shot because of Anthony's foresight to bring us all together..

So I raise a toast to our strength, our perserverence, and our health. Because if those who tortured us could see us now, they would feel the fear we felt then and now.

 

[goingonhope]

That which I'm avoiding: I am avoiding finding myself a new psychiatrist, perhaps one that I can trust the competency of somewhat and for more then a matter of weeks; Perhaps one that I can rely upon when and if necessary to help me and one who isn't a quack. Oh' and perhaps a psychiatrist that can non-verbally express some degree of real concern during my appt.'s and outside of being entirely too distracted.

Why: I'm avoiding getting a psychiatrist because I am afraid of many. Afraid because they don't always strike me as too trusting, and if they don't bother trusting me and they attempt to fit or clump me in with people who don't know any better, or those that shouldn't or can't be trusted, and/or don't have there own best health interest in mind, then what's the use in paying for such a disservice.

I too am afraid of psychiatrist because some real quacks will just write unfitting prescription after prescription; One prescription to take care of the other's side-effects, but that too causes side-effects which require another prescription to lessen such side-effect, but that creates another issue which requires another and another prescription. And, then God-forbid the individual affected needs to, or tries to come off any one or more of them. They just may find out that's the one that has caused irreparable health issue or concerns, or that's the one that people get on, but never are allowed off, (or extremely agonizing to do so) due to one serious issue or the other resulting. You get my point, ...something along those lines.

I say this not from my own personal experience, but from witness to the experiences of once close, and extended family members who just up and disappeared mentally for decades resulting from the psychiatrists helping hand.

Fear: All of the above.

 

[mamachick]

AmyO-Thank you, that was very validating and encouraging. You are wise. Thank you.

 

[ms spock]

Self Soothing is a really important and difficult one for me.

 

[scott_1971_h]

I am Narcoleptic due to repeated head trauma. I will just drop if I don't keep myself going. I got steel toed boots to the head. And the O word is Older. I just don't want to admit it half the time. :laugh:

You had my mind racing for a bit there, i was trying for Latin words starting with O...
Scott