Paradox - what to do if you are so symptomatic you can't tolerate the level of care you need?

[Tinyflame]

Maybe just think it's for you to get better? Sounds like a good deal.

 

[DharmaGirl]

The important thing to remember is that they work for YOU!! I was a caregiver before I became a nurse, and I worked in an young adult house. It was the rule that it was their house and we worked for them. We didn't try to tell them what to do, we asked. It was hopefully empowering to them. I wish you the best on this.

 

[Ecdysis]

The important thing to remember is that they work for YOU!! I was a caregiver before I became a nurse, and I worked in an young adult house. It was the rule that it was their house and we worked for them. We didn't try to tell them what to do, we asked. It was hopefully empowering to them. I wish you the best on this.

I'm having a bit of difficulty with this atm. One of the psych nurses there is totally trampling all over my boundaries atm. Her reasoning is "You're too depressed to know what's good for you right now - I know what's good for you and you don't."

While I see a certain amount of "logic" in this, what she's doing is totally not helping. She's trying to force me to do things she considers "good for me" - some of which I don't want to do, some of which I know have a detrimental effect and some of which are currently not an option, for reasons she doesn't know about.

I've told her I want a joint meeting with her and the co-ordinator, because this is not my understanding of "supportive".

But I'm kind of upset that it's happening at a time when I feel very symptomatic and unwell and don't have the headspace to have to advocate for myself in a setting where I feel like I don't have many rights if people can tell me "I don't know what's in my best interest".

I have a friend going through a massive psychotic episode atm and I can understand how she feels - people are telling her that she needs to get treatment even tho she insists she's "fine". So like I said, I can see a certain logic to it. But at the same time, I'm not psychotic, just severely depressed, so I'm not responding well to someone trying to force me into choices against my will.

 

[Tinyflame]

That's awful @Ecdysis . Just because something is soothing to many people doesn't mean it's not upsetting to you.

And with depression it helps to have a voice, and someone to listen to it, to be heard. Being treated with respect should always be a right you have.

 

[Shaylee]

ugh! I can completely relate, @Ecdysis! Hopefully the coordinator has a better understanding

 

[Tinyflame]

Yes, thinking about it, if you feel like it, maybe you can say (compromise), `I know these suggestions are with the best intention, and I feel able to try (x, +/or y) right now. Z would not be something I am prepared for yet, because it has had the opposite effect for me in the past. I want to set myself up for success and healing, and I know what and how much I feel able to try right now."

(Or whatever you feel- they are your feelings. Seems to me what you said is crystal clear).

 

[Sideways]

some of which I don't want to do, some of which I know have a detrimental effect and some of which are currently not an option, for reasons she doesn't know about.

Do you have the option of talking to your doctor? Sometimes they are the best judge of what we can and can’t do, and they’re usually in the best position to make it clear to staff what you will and won’t be participating in.

Alternatively, can you seperate out things you can’t do (and why), from things that you just don’t want to do? If you can compromise on “don’t want to”, would that give you more leverage to sit out things that will be detrimental?

From more own experience? Sometimes ‘participating regardless’ was actually exactly what I needed. But it was also empowering to be able to communicate what I couldn’t do, and why.

 

[Ecdysis]

I'm going to wait for the meeting with the co-ordinator.

I'm not sure what's going on. She seemed annoyed that I wouldn't do stuff she wanted me to do, even tho it is definitely outside of the care contract we signed.

Because it seemed like she was telling me I wasn't "doing enough" to treat my depression, I listed the things I'm doing to treat it (which is a lot!) and then she turned round and said "You're doing too much!"

So at the moment I feel like no matter what I do, she's displeased with it, which is really pissing me off.

I can't work out why this has happened - I've known her quite a long time - I've done other support programs through this place and she's never been like this before.

I think maybe she spoke to a colleague of hers, who is also weird. She's got this mindset that people "shouldn't be" doing therapy long term, no matter "how bad their childhoods were". So anyone doing therapy for more than 2 - 3 years is "wasting the therapist's time".

I can't quite believe they talk about their patients that way as this place specialises in people who need long term care - that's ALL the clients they have. They literally don't have other clients at all.

In the past I've just ignored this as I assume it's frustration. They're both relatively new to this job - they used to work as regular nurses and then did training as psych nurses. They're both about 3 years into this new job and I assume they're getting frustrated to see that their clients - after three years (!) - are still not "better".

I get it - but hey, maybe if that's how you (naively) view psychology, then maybe you should go back to regular nursing...??

Anyway, this is just weird background stuff... I find it vaguely annoying, but as long as they're being generally supportive in the allocated appointments I have with them, I choose to just ignore that and make the most of the support offered.

But the last appointment really sucked. I called in to cancel the next appointment and asked for a joint meeting with the co-ordinator. And since then, this psych nurse has been off sick for a week.

I'm assuming it will get resolved but yeah, I don't feel like I have the capacity to have to deal with this boundary crossing crap at the moment

And it's not like I say "no" to everything this psych nurse suggests - we've done a few things she's suggested and it's been fine.

But there are some boundaries that I'm 100% not willing to cross, no matter what. Those things are not going to happen, not over my dead body. No matter what.

And it pisses me off, because, as I said, we have a care contract and these things are NOT part of the contract.

I think the reason I find it so unsettling is because it's not been an issue for ages and now, suddenly it's turned into this really weird issue. I can't even work out what it's about.

Anyway, I see her tomorrow, so I guess I'll find out more tomorrow.

 

[Friday]

I think maybe she spoke to a colleague of hers, who is also weird. She's got this mindset that people "shouldn't be" doing therapy long term, no matter "how bad their childhoods were". So anyone doing therapy for more than 2 - 3 years is "wasting the therapist's time".

So….

“Everything we hear is an opinion, not a fact. Everything we see is a perspective, not the truth.”
― Marcus Aurelius, Meditations.

AKA?

CHOOSE whose opinions & perspectives you take to heart.

 

[DharmaGirl]

She sounds like an old school nurse. I won't tolerate them. It's good you're having a meeting since she is not supportive of you. She and her "friend" need more training in psych nursing. I hope you are able to write a list of the problems so you can refer to it during the meeting. This meeting is for you, if you are not feeling safe there, there is a big problem. It would be good if you could bring up her saying she thinks people should be better after 3 years of therapy, that is something that needs to be addressed. This whole thing is supposed to be benefitting you, not causing you anxiety. Also bring it up to the psychiatrist there. I had a similar issue at a psych hospital and I told the P about it and he handled it.

 

[Ecdysis]

So, I tried talking to the psych nurse about it on Monday, but we just went around in circles.

I could tell I was triggered and therefore not handling it perfectly, but I figure that wasn't my job anyway.

She kept claiming that she had "only meant well" and I thought about this for a long time after our conversation and reviewed what she'd said initially, and no, that wasn't true. I know what a conversation is like if someone's asking me genuinely out of concern and wants to talk about what would be good options to take. Instead, she pressured me, tried to guilt trip me, hinted at "negative consequences" and made me feel uncomfortable and invalidated.

I've known her for quite a long time and I do think she's a generally caring person. So, I'm willing to assume that it may have come from a "general sense of concern" - but she certainly handled it very poorly in phrasing it as pressure and guilt-tripping. And I think my response was actually quite appropriate to that.

We only managed a brief 3 way conversation with the coordinator on the phone, because this psych nurse will be on a one week break next week and after that the co-ordinator is on a 3 week break... But the issue has be raised and I assume will get sorted out.

I'll have to message the co-ordinator tomorrow because she had indicated she'd get back to me about it 2 days ago, but hasn't. I also have an appt with the psych nurse tomorrow, so I guess I'll see how that goes.

I just don't want to be going there, feeling defensive because it's a judgemental/ pressuring atmosphere.

I feel like what she was asking of me was to "make the depression go away" - which is basically not possible - and if I could, then I'd immediately not qualify for their services anymore anyway, so it's just a weird request. Makes me feel like I'm doing something wrong by just being there and having depression. Which is soooo reminiscent of how I grew up, so definitely not what I want more of.

Anyway, I hope it'll get resolved. It's the first time (I think) that this psych nurse has managed to trigger my PTSD. (There may have been minor incidents in the past, but they were minor enough for me not to recall them.) This is the first time she's triggered me hard enough for there to be a rupture in trust. I think she's suprised by it. Because it's never happened so far, I think she thought my PTSD wasn't "that much of an issue". But I guess she knows now.

On a positive note, I've seen her on and off over a period of 3 years - and the fact that ONLY NOW has she triggered my PTSD is actually quite a good record. I'd have expected it to be much sooner and much more often. Maybe I should tell her that tomorrow. Cos that's kinda a compliment, in a weird PTSD way: "Thanks for taking 3 years to actually trigger me..."