Attachment Issues

[Reds]

I am really attached to my therapist and I don't know how to let go. I talk to her daily, I think about her everyday. How should I deal with this? How do I get over her?

I haven't seen her in 3 weeks and I miss her so bad. How did I get myself into this? I don't think it is healthy

 

[TeaLeaf]

I have felt really attached to my therapist before too. I used to think she was the best person ever, fantasize that she would adopt me and look forward every week to seeing her and emailing her in between sessions. I think part of that stemmed from not having a secure attachment to anyone growing up and so my brain kind of went wild telling me to attach, attach, attach to this awesome person that is meeting some of my emotional needs. And I think the general thought in trauma therapy is that some attachment is necessary in order to have successful therapy.

One way I dealt with this was talking to my therapist about it, it helped to get it out in the open and she sets appropriate limits with me so I was able to start to manage my life more on my own. I wouldn't be too hard on yourself though, this happens to lots of people that have had trauma.

 

[digger]

Tell her that you don't think it's healthy and that you want her to help you set some boundaries.

If you talk to her everyday then you're not really giving yourself the opportunity not to think about her, so maybe cutting that down could be a good place to start.

 

[DMerish]

Reds,

I've followed most of your posts, so I'm aware of the choices and changes you been through recently.

You and the therapist you were seeing knew of the possibility of this coming up, right? If I recall correctly, she told you it was okay for you to call her - has something changed with that? If not, then I suggest trying not to worry whether your "holding on" is healthy or unhealthy. Also, if I recall correctly, you had planned to find a new therapist in the new area where you're living . . . if you haven't taken steps to do that then I suggest you do so and begin making a new relationship with who will be your new therapist. At some point, you'll want to transfer your attachment - it will just seem right to you to do so. The old therapist (and the new one) will help you with the transition, and you've got the support from us here.

One thing at a time, remember?

Drew

 

[Abstract]

I have different tendencies but from what I have read the therapist needs to put boundaries up. That when it gets past a certain amount or type of contact that it actually makes it harder for the client and isn't kinder. I don't think her allowing contact daily is helpful for you. Especially since your last therapist crossed boundaries.

I wonder if you could speak to her about this? Maybe you even write it up in an email. You could even possibly discuss the attachment issue as a concept and discuss what is too much and what not and what is helpful and not.

You are not having any possibility of developing some belief in your own ability to cope as she is there every day. That normally breads dependence. Your attachment issues are pushing you for more contact so she needs to be the therapist here. Just my take on this.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

I think this therapist fails miserably at setting boundaries. If a client is to the point of NEEDING to talk to their therapist daily, it's time for a higher level of care (day program or inpatient). And when I say "needing" I mean the client is in crisis mode. Most of my therapists were only available outside of session if I was in crisis. I hated it at times, but in retrospect it was for the best.

I think you should talk to your therapist about this. However, I honestly think it's a poor fit for you if you have to tell your therapist how to do her job.

 

[Abstract]

What concerns we is that she knows you had your boundaries crossed badly before. You would of course need a lot of reassurance but she should also know that boundaries are really important. The therapist has to be able to resist that pull on their empathy in a way that overwhelms what is right for the client.

Could you give her the link for the thread and get her to read it? It might be a good start to a conversation about this.

 

[DMerish]

Abstract & Solara et al . . . Reds hasn't come back to comment on this thread since she first posted. I'm pretty sure the contact / calling her therapist was/is related to Reds moving to a new area where she didn't know anyone, and that her T's agreement of contact was intended as a support until Reds is able to find, transition, to a new therapist where she moved to.

I think you made very good points, very good points! However, I also think we (or maybe just me) need to reserve feedback until there's more clarity. Just my $0.02 and I could be way, way off . . . . if so, I'll put my tail between my legs and go hide. :eek: :sorry: :confused:

 

[Rumors]

I am really attached to my therapist and I don't know how to let go. I talk to her daily, I think about her everyday. How should I deal with this? How do I get over her?

I haven't seen her in 3 weeks and I miss her so bad. How did I get myself into this? I don't think it is healthy

@DMerish Reds posted this yesterday.. ;)

 

[StarChild]

Reds hasn't come back to comment on this thread since she first posted.

It's not even 24 hours since Reds original post....

However, I also think we (or maybe just me) need to reserve feedback

Er...why? I think everyone should feel free to respond to a thread whenever they want to. Unless the thread is some years old with no current answers. Just my 2 cents.

 

[Abstract]

more clarity

I have been following Reds story closely for a long time hence feeling quite OK to offer a direct opinion. I do feel clear and yes, she has moved and this t agreed to keep in touch. I don't think it is helpful for it to be every day and the theory on what is right for Red's type of attachment issues says it isn't too. It often happens when T's start having a rescuer complex. But I am no expert so could of course be wrong.

I don't respond to others according to my own attachment issues and rather according to what I know. I know different people need different things and there are different dangers for different situations.

 

[DMerish]

@SweetLullaby - Yep, you're correct. Reds hasn't posted since she first began this thread. And, folks do post when they want. It seems sometimes that folks post without the backdrop, without having a bigger view of the situation. Me included. Reds hasn't posted (other than beginning this thread) for a while, it seems. As mentioned in my previous post, perhaps it's just me who should reserve feed back until there's more clarity about what's going on.

I don't think it is helpful for it to be every day and the theory on what is right for Red's type of attachment issues says it isn't too. It often happens when T's start having a rescuer complex. But I am no expert so could of course be wrong.

I'm no expert either. Obviously, you know more about attachment issues than me - always glad to hear your input. I sense that maybe I offended you and SweetLullaby - maybe my previous post came off as sort of (or really?) bossy. Not sure about that, but if it did, I appologise. I didn't mean it to. I'll shut up now :sorry: