Ptsd A Lack Of Mental Toughness?

[BeatenMan]

Ok, Logically I know this isnt true but cant shake the shame of being weak. I went to see the new movie "Lone Survivor" yesterday. I was a big fan of the book and just amazed at the toughness and resilience of these men. Now I understand these mean are the highest trained warriors there are but I left the movie thinking, maybe that is the key, maybe you have to make yourself hard, unvulnerable, and resiliant to not be affected. I feel like if I had been tougher, not cared so much about others, looked out for #1, this Damn thing wouldnt have gotten me.

So I've had this internal struggle where I had the worst night last night that I have had in a year, never fell sleep at all. And instead of trying to be positive, I'm very mad at myself for letting this crap make me so crazy. I already deal with loathing myself at times but now it seems worse that I know it is humanly possible to be mentally tough and disengaged enough to just press on without emotion. Sorry, more of a rant than anything, just really struggling today.

 

[The Albatross]

The resilient are not impervious... there is no guarantee. But there is benefit in the pursuit of it I find. Is it toughness? Or is it persistence, perseverance, patience, practice?

Letting the idea loathing yourself for a "lack" is continuing the cycle of abuse. Most often things were forefront and "in my face" because they were the first things I needed to come to terms with.

Forget the tough part. What about autonomy and resilience as character traits and what can or would you be willing to do to attain them?

 

[Hashi]

Hi Beaten Man,

I'm not that clear about "Lone Survivor" because I haven't seen it and don't know much about it. So I'm responding to what you say about you. If I've misunderstood, please say so.

Two things I thought when I read your post.

One is regarding

maybe that is the key, maybe you have to make yourself hard, unvulnerable, and resiliant to not be affected. I feel like if I had been tougher, not cared so much about others, looked out for #1, this Damn thing wouldnt have gotten me.

I wondered when I read this - if you had been tougher, not cared so much, not looked out for #1 - would that have been you in there? Would you have wanted to be that person? It sounds like you looked out for others and you did that because that was who you are. I absolutely understand not wanting PTSD but I wonder if you really would like to have been someone who only cared about yourself.

The second thing I thought is that I worked for some time with someone who used to have a very senior role in the British SAS (Special Air Services) and as such he had extensive anti-terrorist experience in Northern Ireland and the Gulf. I wouldn't normally come into contact with a person like this, because I have no connection to the services and was working in the charity sector. The reason I did have contact with him was that this man, who was without doubt one of the toughest men in my country, was also someone who took their responsibility towards others seriously. He was a major player in the UK charity Combat Stress, for service men and women with PTSD.

I have a personal debt to this man. Because he was a super-first aider, he alerted me that the medical treatment I was getting for an injury I'd sustained was wrong. Without him, I might have lost the use of most of my right hand. I imagine many people owe him much more. Against this background, he understood the cost of PTSD, and he devoted his life after retirement from the SAS to helping those with PTSD. I heard him talk about this passionately but I never heard him say, if only those people had been more resilient, had looked out for #1 and weren't so affected...

He was one of the tough guys, one of the toughest, and still human for all that. He was also who he was - someone who didn't only think of #1. I think some people have a different path in life than thinking only about themselves. Maybe you're one of those people?

 

[crazy8]

I feel like if I had been tougher, not cared so much about others, looked out for #1, this Damn thing wouldnt have gotten me.

I was that way for much of my life... "tough", didn't care, looked out for myself. It doesn't work. If there is trauma, there will be defense mechanisms in place. I was so "tough" that I repressed all the memories...but they come back, in dreams, in the middle of a normal conversation with someone...they keep coming back. If I hadn't been so "tough" back then, I might have been able to take the time to actually process those emotions and perhaps my PTSD would be less severe.

We'll drive ourselves crazy thinking things like, "if only I would have...."

How about this: "if only there would have been no trauma." It's not your fault. It's the trauma.

 

[arfie]

Looking for logic in my emotional flows is as logical as looking for clothes at a nudist colony. Some things just don't belong in the same sentence. Emotions just go where they go. I had a pretty tough image before I chose recovery. Sure was a mean and lonely way to live, but each to their own taste. It was more act than nature. No matter how tough I acted, those emotions just kept on flowing their own course.

I like to get inspiration from characters both real and fictional, but I flag myself when I start AssUming I know the price they paid for their heroism. I don't often get to know their inside stories, nor what happens after the story runs out of ink or film.

These days I am pretty convinced there is more strength in healing my pain than in hiding it.

 

[quic]

I was that way for much of my life... "tough", didn't care, looked out for myself. It doesn't work.

Ditto. I too was tough. It doesn’t work. Try being strong rather than tough, there is a difference. Tough hides the truth, strong embraces the truth. The source of true strength is vulnerability. You don’t know who you really are until you expose what is inside.

That is a great movie, But it is still just a movie, a story, a picture, nothing more. Dont make it out to be an example of how you should live your life.

 

[madmax]

Ditto on the shame and smothering pain.

Max

 

[BeatenMan]

Thanks for all the input. I know I don't want to be hard and emotionless like that. I like being a caring person, I like being a decent human. PTSD has taken this 6'4" 275 pound muscled up man to his knees like nothing else ever has. I'm just so tired of exposing my damaged heart and self to people I care about and getting crushed. Gets exhausting at times.
Since im on The Strong Men topic, I often go back to quote by Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson, "embrace the grind, lower your shoulder and keep drivin' thru that mutherf....r. Change will come".

 

[nursenurse]

You are way ahead of the game by being here and expressing yourself the way you do. You have a heart and all the good and bad it can embrace, it means you are a good and decent human being who just happens to have PTSD. You have insight, you have the nobility of a soul who desires good in himself and for those around him. Strength of heart and character come from self realization of who and what we are, what makes us tick, and the want and desire to treat ourselves and those around us with kindness and compassion, with love and understanding. You have taken an emotional beating, among other abuses, that no man should ever have to endure, and from what I am reading, you are resilient, you are strong, you are human. Do not put yourself down because of the very qualities that make your soul one worth reckoning with. You are worthy. You are loving. You are loveable.

 

[franciemarnie]

Today there was a situation where a plane landed at an airport where it wasn't supposed to. Everyone was safe. The pilots were just focused on something else and didn't pay attention. The head guy of whatever said the pilots lost their "situational awareness".

There's a cognizant-feeling me and then there is my co-pilot Amygdala. He is nuts man. He most of the time is wild eyed and increasing speed to avoid terrifying collisions he once had, and I'm always yelling, Hey! Slow down man, everything is okay now, but he's got control and is deaf as a door knob. I can see all is well but his awareness of the situation and mine are different. He was injured in trauma and thinks it's always happening. Sometimes he knocks me out and I'm in a daze and not quite with it.

You cannot talk to your fight or flight brain and reason with him. You are not more powerful within a trauma scenario. He can and will shut you down and redirect you automatically as he sees fit. That isn't your character. That's biology.

Anyone who lives with PTSD is tough as they come. It is vital to have situational awareness though. What is within your control, what is out of your control or you will become unutterably demoralized.

Bless you.

 

[rightkindofme]

You know... I think of all my problems lack of "toughness" doesn't make the list. I am tough. I am incredibly tough. I have survived things that frequently kill people. I am one of the most intense, scary, tough people I know.

I still have PTSD. PTSD is not about being tough. It's a natural physiological response to trauma. That doesn't make us tough or not tough. It just happens. It's hard. It's terrible. Some days I feel very bad about myself for having as many issues as I have but... man am I not weak.

Brains are tricky things. I wouldn't say someone lacked toughness if they became a paraplegic after an accident so why am I not tough for having physiological and psychological change after trauma?

:) (Said with great affection.)

 

[untiltoday]

I believe it's the exact opposite of weak.

For myself: I seem to have gone through tough and horrible situations again and again. I almost believe that these things come to me because my toughness attracts it. And if this, -on some weird energy level- takes bad situations away from people who cannot possibly handle them: I'm all for it. Maybe "tough" is something that must be exercised to maintain it's strength...meaning having horribly terrible days and pushing through them (or just trying to be easy on yourself), while also having good days when you are successful at anything or you just feel good.

From a few sources: I've read many times that two of the main risks/factors that can push a person towards the PTSD condition are 1) lack of social support, or 2) lack of coping skills learned earlier in life. In my opinion, either one of these things pose a challenge and if a person pushes through (with extreme difficulty or not), that person is TOUGH.