Poll Where Do You Find A Sense Of Belonging?

[Survivor2Thriver]

But trusting yourself is a big success so I am impressed.

I have a very strong sense of who I am. I separate myself from my flashbacks. My flashbacks belong to my abusers.
It's all about perspective. I can't trust the flashbacks. AKA them. At this point it has nothing to do with me unless I give into the pain. My body was abused..they don't get my mind too! They don't have the power to destroy who I am. Yes,I struggle through the flashbacks. Im human. I hope that makes sense to you.

I don't trust myself at this time.

May I ask why?

 

[Survivor2Thriver]

In my experiences..abusive people want to control you. They have control issues. They delight in causing misery. I'm convinced that's their goal. That's on them. Their misery. Not mine! I had no control over what happened to my body. Flashbacks or not..by God I have control of how ultimately FEEL. :)))

 

[Survivor2Thriver]

Thanks for the hugs and acknowledgement.

You're welcome. I feel we all acknowledge each other by sharing our experiences.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

@Abstract,
I know you're all human, but I don't envision you all in my mind. I guess I don't see a reason to? I don't fit in here so I guess I feel that it's pointless to try.

 

[Valentino]

This is taken from the TED* Works 12/13/13 newsletter, TED stands for The Empowerment Dynamic, it's a positive variation of the drama triangle developed by David Emerald. I thought this article might be helpful to show how feelings of belonging can come about.

What Everybody Wants
A friend and colleague, Mark R. Jones, CEO of the Sunyata Group, offers a practice that is a great framework for developing compassion and seeing others as a Creator. Mark had the opportunity years ago to meet with the Dalai Lama and asked him for advice on how to teach peace in the world. The Dalai Lama responded that all people want and need three things, which is to be:

Heard, Seen, and Loved.

Mark calls this the HSL (or “Hizzle”) Practice.

One feels heard when we can feed back to them the content or essence of their perspective or what they are saying. We listen for understanding and hear the other, even if we disagree with their perspective. It’s as simple as saying to the other “here’s what I hear you saying;” feeding back a summary of what they said and asking “did I understand you correctly?”

One knows they are seen when we give them our undivided attention, putting aside our phones, or other distractions. While we might interact with someone who is playing a particular role in our lives, a clerk, co-worker, customer, or a loved one, we relate to them as a person rather than just a role. They will feel our authenticity and our holding them as a Creator.

We can love and respect others, even when we do not like them because of what they are doing or how they are acting. If we genuinely show love and respect to all human beings, regardless of our differences, they will feel this genuine caring when in our presence.

This brings us back to learning how to relate to others as Creators even if they are acting like a jerk. They may act as a Victim, a Rescuer, or a Persecutor, but they are a Creator – whether they act like it or not. All you have to do is hear them, see them, and love/respect them. The more you make this a conscious practice, the more you will find the more they respond to you as a Creator– eventually!

 

[billie]

I have no idea what a sense of belonging is? How do you begin to trust someone? (omg first real question!!!!)

 

[ms spock]

May I ask why?

I am so terrified, concerned, worried and petrified of making the wrong decision.

 

[Survivor2Thriver]

Thank you, Valentino. Beautifully stated!

 

[Survivor2Thriver]

The more you make this a conscious practice, the more you will find the more they respond to you as a Creator– eventually!

That my friend is what the dalai Lama is waiting on. We see his plight too. :( He's before his time.

 

[Survivor2Thriver]

I am so terrified, concerned, worried and petrified of making the wrong decision.

I need more information to respond. I understand if you don't want to share at this time. It's completely up to you if and when you want to share more details.

 

[ms spock]

I am terrified of making the wrong decision and someone dying. It is me projecting my childhood fears of trying to keep my sisters and brothers alive and trying to make decisions in random violence, my father's psychotic rages and cruelty. I feared my making the wrong decision meant I couldn't save my family and someone would die. That has bled over everything and my whole life. That is the simplest way I could explain it right now.

 

[Survivor2Thriver]

I hear you. It's a lot of weight for a child to carry. Terror of the unknown. Do you still feel you're walking through the minefield? I had a terrible time shaking that off too. Everyone heals differently..terror may scar the soul forever. You cannot erase memories but you can take comfort in the fact you did the best you could under the circumstances you were dealt. I wish I had a sister like you. Give yourself credit for nurturing and protecting your siblings. That's remarkable! Many don't!!!