Sufferer Addicted To Trauma!

[zaniara]

but I can tell you If you were attracting people who traumatized you that is exactly what I am talking about.that it I a very cunning addiction.

I appologize if you thought I sounded angry. I wasn't really. Maybe a bit harsh though. Sorry. But still- what you describe with what you wrote now is not an addiction like drug or alcohol or even food addiction but simply how PTSD works. And it's not 'my' anything('my addiction' nor guilt) that a psychopath found me in meetings. They do find traumatized people easily anywhere. My PTSD made me vulnerable and less able to protect my self, but it's not an addiction. Actually that was a statement that sounded very much like victim-blaming: the same kind I used to use against my self to create a false sense of power over something I'm powerless over: PTSD and other people's choices/problems. Please do elaborate it more, since right now it sounds like the sick mentality I was referring to.

 

[keith Amato]

This right now is feeding addiction so I would politely ask that we end our conversation and wish that we both be free from the suffering form our traumas.

Thanks

 

[NovemberStar]

its hard to explain what I am saying but I can tell you If you were attracting people who traumatized you that is exactly what I am talking about.that it I a very cunning addiction.

I think this statement is jumping to a major conclusion from which you are not qualified to make.

It might be YOUR experience or your perception of your experience, but it does not make it fact.

Nor does it make it an addiction, HOWEVER, I accept this is your take on your situation and you are very much entitled to your opinion. But making blanket statements saying it is that way for anybody else, is unhelpful.

 

[Samantha_38]

What is this? I'm so confused and I agree with Zaniara. I've been taken advantage of too many times because I didn't protect myself. The littlest bit of attention/affection could and still sometimes can get me to put myself in situations that are unsafe. I have been abused several times because of this. As a reaction to that abuse I have done a lot of the things you describe above, drinking, self harm, suicide attempts, but I am not ever going to describe this as an addiction. Nor do I think it can somehow be treated like one. I have PTSD plus probably some bad coping mechanisms, I haven't gotten to any real treatment yet so possibly other problems too, but in no way would I ever say I "craved" these things to happen. I read this once, before anyone commented, was going to comment and honestly whatever it is you are talking about scares the heck out of me, so I stayed away. Maybe a better explanation is just needed, but I'm just barely opening up to getting treatment, and accepting that I have PTSD and even I can feel my instincts telling me that this sounds dangerous, something I have been numb to for most of my life.

 

[Samantha_38]

Thank you NovemberStar for saying what I couldn't find words to say.

I went back to my abusers, again and again and again. I also put myself into situations that ended up with me being abused by other people. I however, in NO way agree that this is an addiction. I don't completely understand why, up until recently I have blamed myself for it and now slowly accepting the fact that I did it out of need, to have a place to stay, to have food and shelter, etc. Your ideas about this seem very twisted to me. Your free to have your own opinion, but I'm not sure this is the place where you will find many, if any, people who agree.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Ouch. Fireworks all around. Take no offense, Keith, I don't think they get it. Why? Because I think I do, and no, I am not offended in the least. It's a different sort of feeling. If you've been there, YES, you get it, but if you haven't, you get irate and take offense.

I get the addiction mentality. Many say self-injury isn't an addiction but yes, I was hooked on that endorphin rush. I wanted more. I wanted that pain from others. I craved it. I obsessed about it. But, it stopped there as there could have been severe consequences to seeking it out. So for me it stopped there. I no longer have those cravings. But, I can see why some do.

 

[Samantha_38]

I had the cravings to self-harm, and I still get them. Alcohol, drugs even distructive behavior like speeding...I feel this is different from this:

If you were attracting people who traumatized you that is exactly what I am talking about.that it I a very cunning addiction.

This is where I think myself and others are confused about this. Am I vulnerable, absolutely. Would I still probably fall for it, yes. Did I go back to my abusers because I craved the trauma, absolutely not. I am not very far on my recovering journey so I can not tell you completely why I went back. I know I had no where else to go and between freeze, starve, and die or stay with my abuser...I am not dead so that's how it happened. To call this an addiction: to say I wanted it, I couldn't stop thinking about it, I was attracted to it, any of those classic signs of addiction. That is what is not sitting well with me. I don't think anyone wanted their trauma, but by definition an addiction is something you want.

 

[keith Amato]

I get the addiction mentality. Many say self-injury isn't an addiction but yes, I was hooked on that endorphin rush. I wanted more. I wanted that pain from others. I craved it. I obsessed about it. But, it stopped there as there could have been severe consequences to seeking it out. So for me it stopped there. I no longer have those cravings. But, I can see why some do.

Thanks

 

[keith Amato]

Thank you for your comment.
It was very comforting- this dis-ease that I have,called complex PTSD is no joke! And it has almost killed me many times in retrospect.

I have found that by reversing my brain chemistry- which for me gets rewired to self harm and self abuse my self in my thinking and actions, along with abstaining from any physical and mental traumas has been helpful in clearing up my perception.which then allows me to unearth the patterns of thinking and behaviour that are destroying me.

Right now I have unearthed the original traumas that kicked off this addiction -affliction -way of living that has kept me living in an unconscious pattern of traumatic addictive compulsive and onsessive thinking and behaviour.

That was the only reason I suggested a spiritual approach (the 12 steps in their essence) not the crazy bastardized stuff that is mostly what you get nowadays.

As that coupled with therapy and at times medication has really brought me to the point where I am ending this lifelong cycle of addictive compulsive and obsessive self destruction.

Any how I need to get to my meditation practice- may we be free from suffering from the effects of our traumas!

Aloha
Keith

 

[keith Amato]

Good morning Samantha ,first I would like to say I am speaking diryself not the species as a whole- second no one sets out to be an addict conciously.

Addicted is defined in the Oxford American dictionary as : to using or doing something as a habit or compulsively.

So again for me I unconsciously used trauma compulsively and an obsessively which is addictively

And now that I am conscious of that type of behaviour and thinking pattern I have been slowly able to stop the compulsive and obsessive patterns of behaviours and thinking.
The addictions so too speak and am working on the root addiction of trauma in any way shape or form- which for me is any self harming self abusing self destructive self annihilating behaviour and thinking.

May we be free from the effects of trauma

 

[keith Amato]

Yes thanks I have been in Alanon for some time and have four it extremely helpful in my recovery from trauma

 

[dnp]

Hi Keith,

I ended up as an adrenaline junkie and I think it was because of spending most of my childhood in fear or terror. The fear was my "normal." I did not realize it until someone told me, that I was unconsciously seeking out experiences to get adrenaline flowing through me.

I wouldn't equate being an adrenaline junkie to PTSD at all but I think there can be some connection for some people depending on your situation and it can interfere with your PTSD healing. Symptoms like panic attacks can be made worse if you are having adrenaline rushes from other sources. So for me, I would want to stop that. Just my personal experience and opinion.