I was and still am ashamed of my youth, bad decisions that I made, the results of those decisions. Most of the time I avoid talking about anything prior to the pseudo stability that came with adulthood, consistent employment, the generally stable home life that I created for my children etc so I have always had this short synopsis of my youth that made everything not seem so bad. Even as an adult there were a couple of life events that created chaos for myself and my children.
Fortunately I didn't have a teenage pregnancy, I survived childhood out there, joined the army at 18 so I wouldn't end up dead in a ditch somewhere. My eldest daughters father and I met in the Army, we dated and I got pregnant. He didn't want to be a father so I decided to get out of the Army and raise her myself. After she was born the child support enforcement agency went after him so when he was something like $18,000.00 behind in child support he began pursuing a relationship with me. After my messed up childhood I think I was vulnerable to a romantic notion of the nuclear family.
We were married when she was 2 years old and shortly before he terminated from the Army. We relocated to his home town. Looking back I feel as though I was set up. He had his entire family to support him and I was there alone, nobody to talk with when he filed for divorce and virtually kidnapped her. It took 3 months of the judge ordering her to be returned to me and her home before he complied, that was only because he was going to jail if he didn't return her. In hind site I am sure it was all about the money, he just didn't want to be financially responsible for her. In the end I agreed to deny her paternity and he agreed to remove himself from mine and her life. I immediately moved out of that state.
My youngest daughters father did something similar though it wasn't about paying child support or about her at all. I eventually became a successful business woman. He met someone who had a little something. I incidentally became pregnant and he used that as an excuse for us to be married. I turned him down about a dozen times, in hind site I think most men would have walked away after being turned down once or twice. That is among the red flags that I didn't see. I think he eventually just wore me down with his creativity in proposals.
We were only married about a year and a half when he started his plan to take over my investments. He went to the adjoining county where I didn't conduct any business, claimed I had left him, abandoned the business and he had no idea where to find me. He was able to get an emergency hearing before the judge and got control of my home and business so that he could continue running things while I was gone. He even got a restraining order preventing me from participating in the daily operation of the business. There was no reason for the judge not to believe him because there wasn't anyone there to deny his accusations. By the way I was still living at home but while he was in court I was in another town at a gown fitting for my eldest daughters wedding. When I learned what he had done he began demanding that I sign everything over to him. When I wouldn't he began slaughtering my horses beginning with my most favorite and working his way down.
I couldn't sign everything over to him because that would have left my children and I homeless and no income to support them. Losing my horses was devastating, I worked with them every day..that was my business, my job and they were like fellow employees. Let me add that what he did was not illegal rather immoral. Horses are livestock, not companion animals. If they were companion animals riding them would be considered a burden so we don't want them to become companion animals. The judge did order him to stop slaughtering them, I was down to half the herd when I got my assets returned to me 10 months later. He got absolutely nothing in the divorce because in our state whatever is yours before marriage is returned to you in divorce. That was about 10 years ago.
