Why Am I Honest?

[pamcoco]

I am persecuted for my honesty by the few that remain.

I hope to someday be as pure and addiction free as my friends and family. It is my imperfections and addictions that have created my circumstance unlike others, who's circumstances have created their imperfections and addictions.

If I could just be like them, only doing what benefits my life and well being, I would rest knowing I have reached a pinnacle that might allow them to respect me. Or at the very least if I learn to perfect secretivism similarly, then the respect given in the fog of lies will be well earned through my self discipline of denial.

I can only hope someday, I too shall reach perfection. It must be a wonderful f-ing feeling they experience.

If those addicts that surround me cannot slightly project their imaginations to include what new consuming, sucking and f-ing might develop in circumstances lived similarly, they use me as the cast out to further deceit, if only in their minds.

I am them, or they would not hate me so. I make the mistake of admition, a mistake I must choose day after day as the guilty fall from my graces.

 

[The Albatross]

Surrounded in two families by dysfunction and formerly involved with an alcoholic/addict first husband and his addict/substance abusing friends.... I can understand why you feel this way. I didn't frame it up though as "honesty". I framed it up as being "unconscious in their behaviors" and would at times say, "Must be nice, they seem so happy." Of course this was a flawed perception.

So far as honesty goes. I am largely honest. But I am not completely honest. Thinking literally I don't think anyone really is. Of course there are levels of lying or dishonesty like Dante's 7 circles of hell... but I think I would rigorously self examine the idea that it is "honesty" that gets you the blow back.

 

[pamcoco]

Thanks for your insight.

I would rigorously self examine the idea that it is "honesty" that gets you the blow back.

I find this is an area where I am stuck and lack perspective. May I ask what, in your opinion brings the blow back? It is constant and unrelenting and the area I would like most to progress.

 

[The Albatross]

Well in my case it was wanting to be well away and apart from the dysfunction. Everyone else in two families seemed perfectly content to be as they were dysfunctional or not.

I decided it was more advantageous for me to work on boundaries, separating my own identity from the families, and treating them like I would treat a client. Sort of like extending to them more patience and tolerance than I would normally be able to do, but in conjunction with cultivating that attitude, endeavored to cultivate autonomy and more self reliance in myself. I do still get caught up some in the dysfunction, but not nearly as badly as I used to.

I could not make them better basically. I tried many things to no avail. But I could do what was necessary to get better myself, and ironically by doing that... things with my family got a little bit better. Far from idyllic, but better.

 

[Go Hungry]

I'm not sure what to say here.. This may come across as an admonition, but it's not. I think you're taking this too seriously. Sometimes people are just assholes, it has nothing to do with honesty or not. And they're far from perfect if they are going around being assholes. Actually they are downright miserable... Also, 'perfection' is a pipe dream, I really wish someone would remove that word from the english language and replace it with 'unattainable'... They may think they're perfect, but trust me, they're not. And being perfect would be a horrible fate; because all of life's mysteries would be gone, all your dreams would die, and you'd have no where to go but down.

Albatross was right about boundaries. Actually she was right about everything.. Why am I posting? :hungover: Anyways, try not to look at this in a black/white manner, cause that's what the word 'perfection' leads a person to do. Life isn't black and white, nor is it shades of gray. Life is full colour. :hug:

 

[Philippa]

I'm sure these people, though they are missing the addictions you are hindered by, are not perfect by any means. I don't have any real addictions (besides the internet and facebook at the moment), and whilst my life is not fraught with the turmoil that comes with addiction anymore. (I was a smoker and drug user for years.)

I certainly am not perfect nor without my issues. No one is. It just seems that way sometimes. I'm sure they have their slip ups that they may not let anyone else see. I know that I have my relapses from time to time.

Self care takes consistent work. It becomes easier once you no longer have those things which are feeding your lack of self worth or self respect, but that doesn't mean it is something that is always consistent.

 

[pamcoco]

I think you're taking this too seriously. Sometimes people are just assholes, it has nothing to do with honesty or not.

That made me laugh outloud, Go Hungry.

I decided it was more advantageous for me to work on boundaries, separating my own identity from the families, and treating them like I would treat a client.

Thanks for the context of reversing roles, since they treat me like I am crazy, while I remain baffled by the context.

I'm sure they have their slip ups that they may not let anyone else see. I

I notice the comfort of many in painting a portrait that is false, but most accept.

Thanks all for your wisdom.