How To Let Someone Know

[ellienad]

There have been a couple of threads on this, but they all seemed to have fizzled out and I would love some opinions.

I always struggle to find the right words when I need to let someone know that certain things may be triggering/are triggering. Sometimes I'll be at an exercise class or in a situation at work where I'll feel completely triggered, but can't find the words to say so. I also don't want to divulge too much and reveal my ptsd.

Anyone have any "go to" phrases that they use?

 

[scout86]

I've been known to use things like "Take your f***ing hand off my arm!", but I'm thinking that's not quite what you've got in mind.

First, personally, I think being triggered by something is MY problem, not theirs and I need to deal with it, not them. But, in the case of something like someone touching me when I'd rather they didn't, "I'd appreciate it if you didn't do...whatever." seems to work. Whether I tell them my reason kind of depends on who it is and the situation. I've explained some kind of "out there" reactions to a few close friends by explaining that I have PTSD. I felt like they deserved a more complete explanation. I don't, personally, think that the general public needs that much information.

 

[Friday]

Truth but not the whole truth:

- I have a migraine coming on (panic attacks do give me migraines)
- You know, I'm feeling a little piqued, I think I need to head _____ (complete with southern belle accent and swoon)
- I have to go help out a friend in crisis (I'm friends with me! myself! and I. Sometimes. But all 3 irritate the hell outta me on a regular basis).
- Urge to kill...rising.
- (Similarly) I have to go not kill so & so.
- I'm going to take a smoke break. (I thought you quit... You don't smoke...etc. gets met with some fairly smart aleck remark 9:10.)

Funny:
Okay... I had a lousy no good very bad terrible day... So I can't think of any for instance right now, but I often just come up with some fairly random over the top clearly fictional thing to say. And let others come to their own conclusions). Oh. Some of these are military snipe hunts turned around on myself. Copy some ID-10T forms, find the keys to the hummer, etc.

Conscripting:
- I'm heading down to the donut shop/Starbucks/vegan cafe/ drugstore down the street. Orders? Can I get anyone anything?

Boundaries/MYOB:
- I just go. If I don't owe anyone an explanation, I don't walk around justifying my actions to people.

 

[mrsps]

I understand where you are coming from and I to struggle to put into words, which most of the times means I have to try and put up with it because I am too scared to say anything :( Which I was stronger and had more confidence then I think my life would be so much better. Sorry I am not much help

 

[shimmerz]

When your trigger response is to pass out immediately you pretty much have to limit the people you are with. that is my life. If forced into a situation where I may be in a group someone must come with me for safety purposes. They do the explaining as I am too busy being comatose. Probably doesn't help much but for now that is my MO. For safety reasons I must divulge therefore I limit where I go and who I go with.

 

[Friday]

Mmmm... I may have misunderstood.

Are you looking for exit lines or stop that lines?

 

[shimmerz]

good question @FridayJones

 

[ellienad]

I think being triggered by something is MY problem, not theirs and I need to deal with it, not them.

I completely get where you're coming from on this. Although, I'm working on trying not to place blame on myself so much and practice asking for what I need. Something I've never been able to do and really struggle with. I think "dealing with it" as you said, sometimes means speaking up when necessary. By speaking up this doesn't mean we are asking them to deal with it, but more taking it into our own hands and having a voice. I just wish I could find the right words to do so. I agree on the idea of the general public, or most people for that matter, not needing much information...if any. It's great that you've been able to say "I'd appreciate it if you didn't ________". I wish I could get to that place!

most of the times means I have to try and put up with it because I am too scared to say anything

Yes yes yes. I can SO relate to this. You are a help though by sharing. Thank you. Hang in there, building confidence doesn't happen overnight. You are stronger than you think.

@FridayJones @shimmerz

Are you looking for exit lines or stop that lines?

I'm looking for lines to use both during a triggering situation (when I'm feeling triggered and need to stop) or lines to use beforehand. For example, at an exercise class just to give the teacher a heads up that I may need to stop and/or leave instead of just walking out without notice. Or at a dentist/doctor's appointment where I don't want to go into detail about PTSD, etc. I always feels like that draws more attention than if I would have just said something at the beginning so they were aware, and left it at that. A lot of times just knowing that someone else is aware of my situation, even if they don't know any details, helps relieve some anxiety. I just have a hard time finding the words to use and finding my voice.

 

[scout86]

I wish I could get to that place!

Me too, most of the time! LOL I have a tendency to either over react or not do anything at all, at the time. I've got a "homework assignment" to practice better solutions in my head, so they are move available to use when the situation comes up.