This Time Last Year....

[Suzetig]

A year ago is was just about to drop into a period of distress and upset that I'd never have believed possible. I literally cried for 7 months solid, had emotional flashbacks and couldn't cope with myself. Six months ago I had started therapy and dragged myself back to work agains all common sense, I was still crying all the time, couldn't focus or cope with simple tasks. Today I started taking about a significant trauma for the first time, calmly and without tears - and I can recognise that this was more about feeling detached than because I'm feeling ok with it. I know I'll pick this up with my therapist next week and feel ok about that.

A year ago I'd never have believed I'd have stopped crying, be maintaining myself at work relatively well and be able to identify where I need to focus in therapy but its taken 6 months of very good therapy with a strong therapist to get me to where I can start the actual work.

 

[JEKBreatheandBelieve]

A year ago, I was just beginning to self-harm, learn that I was petrified of thunderstorms and smoke alarms, and beginning to really understand what dissociation was. I was just beginning my journey. Am I better off than I was a year ago? I certainly don't feel that way, but I have to believe that I am on the road to getting to a better place.

 

[RussH]

but I have to believe that I am on the road to getting to a better place.

You are it just takes time. This has be a hard year for both of us.

 

[shimmerz]

I will never forget t-doc standing in front of me showing me with his arms that this was not a journey without peaks and valleys. People have to remind me all the time how things have shifted for me. I just wondered for this posting if those that didn't have those to remind them might be able to see some shifting themselves. Even accepting a PTSD diagnosis is a huge thing. Writing on this board is a gigantic step - a form of reaching out. Reading on this forum even without posting is monumental. And being a moderator on such a board @RussH? Wow! Superb.

@JEKBreatheandBelieve your name says it all. Breathe. Believe. Your postings are incredible and giving and sensible and compassionate and so many more incredible words.

Symptoms can feel so dramatic that we lose sight of the symptoms that have passed. The ones we got through. Yes, they may be replaced but we keep learning. Ex;pressing (even though that can be icky). Growing. Trusting. Challenging ourselves. Believe! This isn't just about suffering.

Sorry. Ranting. I just so remember the time I couldn't see the good. And it is so much work getting through the bad. Finally I can see and acknowledge that I am a survivor and so are all of you. Damn. Ranting again. Never mind. :confused:
:(

 

[shimmerz]

This time last night I crashed. Horribly. I thought that stage was gone but I pushed myself too hard. I tried again tonight but left the blinds open in the dark so I could see outside. It worked. I am still up and not trembling and shaking and hiding. Now on to tackle the bed. I am psyching myself up for it.