Living Alone

[Definitely..maybe]

I know some of you have no choice in this but I'm curious to any answers!

Are you guys happier living alone or with others?

Typically I love and thrive on living alone. It helps me and I feel better and less claustrophobic but sometimes in the tough moments I think it makes me lonely and it makes depersonalization, derealization and disassociation much worse.

So I appreciate any thoughts:)

 

[Chava]

I relate to all of that. I find most peace alone and I also find that alone is the only place I tend to really panic or depersonalize at times. Alone is both most safe and least safe. It probably has to do with not feeling safe around my caretakers as a little kid, and yet not feeling safe alone. A big thing for me has been feeling non-existent. So if things aren't going well, I can drop into that if there is nobody to project back to me that I am actually here. I carry on patterns of isolating to stay out of peoples' way, to avoid relationships, and to distract myself with all kinds of projects. I feel like it's not working as well lately, as if I realize I've partly forced myself into a corner and it's just depressing. But I'm also quite an introvert, so it would be challenging for me to ever live with anyone. I would definitely need my own space.

 

[Dana1010]

I thought about starting a thread about this many times. I just feel like I'd come off as really cynical if I start talking about it, and I don't want to bum everybody out. I feel like most of us here don't have much of a choice right now; we just can't handle the din and clamor of social situations. I literally can't imagine walking in a bar and striking up a conversation with a stranger. Aaaah - that face, those eyes on me, these questions they're asking. Get me out of here.

I sometimes think back to good times I've had with the few decent people I've known, and I wish I had someone to comfort me and boost my self esteem and distract me from the bad guys from the past. It's just so hard to find anyone genuine, you know? I'm in no mood for their games right now - "Let me take out my little calculator...Now, what do you do, how do you look, how are you going to make me look in public, what are my friends going to think about you?" Ugh, I won't stand for it, I don't have a minute of my time for it.

Being by myself in the evening is the highlight of my day lately. I feel like the farther I can get from humans the better - the human world is a cesspool and a swamp of foul, unwholesome, derangement and depravity. I dream about moving to the middle of nowhere and finding a way to live out the rest of my days in solitude and peace. I just feel like I'm done with humans.

 

[CoolBlue]

I'm alone two nights a week (kids are with their dad), and then have a busy house the rest of the time. I still don't know which is better/worse. Sometimes the silence is painful, and sometimes the chaos of kids makes me feel like I have no escape. I know for sure is that I'm at my very best when I go out in public, to a place of my choosing, at a time when I'm ready to handle it. Then I can be "fake" for a little while, people respond positively but don't make many demands, and I feel pretty good and even safe (I know I'm not going to sink into an emotional black hole in public).

I would say overall I'm better around other people in a living situation - but they have to be the "right" people, and that's tough to find. I try to keep my kids separate from all my emotional issues (don't want to make them "parent" me), but there are times that I am so grateful that they are there - I watch them sleep sometimes, and don't feel so alone.

 

[Friday]

With others, absolutely.

 

[xena21]

Typically I love and thrive on living alone. It helps me and I feel better and less claustrophobic but sometimes in the tough moments I think it makes me lonely and it makes depersonalization, derealization and disassociation much worse.

Yes, living alone helps me in most situations. I have a severe fear of other people due to childhood trauma. I also know I just am not good with other people in certain situations. I freeze up when I am around some people. I know there are some people that are ok in most situations.

 

[Jane.l]

I share my kids with my their dad - so get to do both - happier on my own most of the time but maybe that's because it's never for more than a few weeks .

Having the kids around creates routine and I have responsibility to do certain things for them left on my own I tend to drink to block things out .

I certainly don't want to have a live in relationship at the moment that's way more than I can handle - infact don't want relationship at all right now.

So I guess I am saying I need both

 

[mamachick]

I have to say both. I cant seem to find a happy medium. I am either fully alone and isolated, and have no help with the things that I cant keep up with at my house that always has repair issues, or, I am suffocated by people that I have dated. They want to spend every moment with me. I dated a guy for 3 months that was basically laid off for the winter and it started driving me bat shit. It ended badly. I am now seeing the husband that I have been seperated form for 10 years. He wants to spend every available moment with me, and I need some space at time. I miss my grown children horribly but dont want to live with them either.

 

[Notsowild]

Okay here goes... I'm a loner who hates to be alone. Make sense? Maybe just my crazy ways. I am shy and introverted but if I'm alone too much I can drive myself crazy. My mind keeps going a mile a minute and I have to get out. Then when I go out the big bad world it scares me and I need to be alone. Wow bring the white jacket and net lol

 

[Definitely..maybe]

@Notsowild I totally get you:laugh:

 

[dnp]

I feel like most of us here don't have much of a choice right now; we just can't handle the din and clamor of social situations. I literally can't imagine walking in a bar and striking up a conversation with a stranger. Aaaah - that face, those eyes on me, these questions they're asking. Get me out of here.

Wow, this nailed it for me. This is so true.

 

[maryiscontrary]

Thanks for starting this thread. I need lots of alone time to keep my head straight. I like to get out, but I really like my alone time. I do not feel lonely most of the time, trying to develop self compassion and self worth.