Talking To... Pictures Of People

[Upside Down Eagle]

When I was around 12 or 13 I developed this habit of talking to pictures.
I was a lonely kid, we lived in a remote area, and I had one friend whom I didn't see that often. I had no other siblings, I lived with my dad around that time because my abuser (my mom) had divorced him and left.

My dad was weird and controlling. I didn't trust him.
My friends were my teddy, my two cats and pictures of people.

Just guys, though. In the beginning it was Brad Pitt, I think. Then Johnny Depp. Photographs of one dude at school I had a crush on. Then more photographs of somebody else I had a crush on. It went on and on like this until now. I'll be 27 this fall. You can imagine I've had quite a lot of crushes (and real-life) failed relationships during that time. A whole stack of pictures.

I talked to almost all of their photographs. With some exceptions. I only talk to pictures of those people I feel an emotional bond with. When I talk to them I feel like they're really there. I feel like they are really listening. And just like in real life, I will act sort of cool to impress them/make jokes. Sounds really weird when I write it like that.

I've even gotten angry with them. And not just a little bit. Raging mad tearing their pictures apart. And then regretting it and printing them anew. Pictures are flexible that way.

I've tried to "break up" with my pictures several times. I feel like my life would be so empty without them. I have a lot of real life friends now, but I don't see them that often, and if they were around all the time, I would feel exhausted pretty quickly. Pictures are my safety net, but I also hate it because I don't want to be so dependent.

Some people have told me they think it's not an issue, but fifteen years have passed and I think it is an issue. I keep wanting to quit and then discover I don't have the courage. I quit and then I start again and it makes me feel weak. It's like smoking cigarettes. You catch yourself doing it and you think, "oh for the love of... I'm hopeless".

I don't know if this is a confession or asking for advice. Probably both.
Lay it on me :p

 

[scout86]

Well, my T says he "talks" to his dead aunts all the time, if that makes you feel any better. He was close to them and valued the relationships and says he has a pretty good idea what they'd say when he "asks" them something...... He's actually kind of a big advocate of using your imagination. So, I suspect he'd be more interested in your feelings of being dependent on the pictures. What are you dependent on them for? What would you be missing, if you quit talking to them? My own, totally unprofessional, thought is this is a problem if it seems to you that it's a problem. But, the important question might be what makes is feel like a problem?

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

I wonder if you think it's a problem becasue you think it should be a problem? As in, that maybe others would think it's weird.

I think as long as you know the pictures aren't real and they aren't talking back too you, then what is the problem? It sounds like something you started becasue you were lonely, needed to release anxiety or just have someone to talk too. Maybe you just got used to it.

I actually do something too. Something that most people would see as weird but for me it helps me cope with stress and uses creativity. I've been doing it for over 10 years.

 

[joeylittle]

Why do you want to quit? I personally don't think it's that strange, but if it makes you uncomfortable that's of course valid. But I'm curious why you've tried to stop before, and why again now.

 

[KwanYingirl]

Most people talk to people that are not present. They talk to pictures of Jesus or Mary or Saints. We put pictures of athletes in our schools. I don't see what you do is abnormal. If you think it's time to stop you have your own reasons for it.

 

[Julesnaz]

I talk to my dead relatives whenever I see the light coming through the clouds in a certain way. Obviously you know they aren't really there so I don't think it's a problem. If you really want to stop, perhaps putting one or two pics in a box and gradually add more to the box as you feel comfortable doing so.

 

[Upside Down Eagle]

Well I've been thinking about it. Why I think it's a "bad" thing.

I think it's a "bad" thing partially because I stay in "small girl" mode with these pictures. They're like my heroes, protectors and listeners, but this also means that I feel dependent on them. My self-esteem in part depends on whether I imagine they appreciate me or not. If I imagine they don't, I feel bad and abandoned just the way I used to feel bad and abandoned when I was a kid.

So the imagination isn't all benign. It's a projection of a situation that happened to me a long time ago. When I feel abandoned, I feel rage. The kind of rage that makes me hate these people, who aren't really there.

I would rather my self-esteem came from within me. I would rather I did not need approval or disapproval from people that I have made in my own mind. I want to start being my own rock, rather than making these pictures my rock. :)

So I guess I know what I want. But it's hard to do it. It scares me to become independent.

 

[Ghostybear73]

The people you have made in your our own mind seems to be a much healthier alternative than feeling and acting out of rage at people who are really there. Maybe that's something to consider. I don't think you are independent, per se, just using it as an outlet for your anger.

 

[joeylittle]

So the imagination isn't all benign. It's a projection of a situation that happened to me a long time ago. When I feel abandoned, I feel rage. The kind of rage that makes me hate these people, who aren't really there.

Yeah, I can see how you would want to change this. I think it's very perceptive of you to know that this is the issue.

Have you ever tried talking to a picture of yourself? Not you as a kid, just a picture of you? If you want to connect your self-esteem and approval to yourself...it could be silly, but it could be interesting.

It's hard to quit any behavior cold-turkey, and if that hasn't worked for you in the past, I think you'll need to find some way to "bridge" over the issue. But it might also be as simple as, when you feel the urge to talk to a picture, talk out loud to yourself instead, if it's about sharing your thoughts or working out a problem. See if you can give yourself some affirmation. And think about other ways you can distract and reward yourself that feel more positive to you.

 

[Upside Down Eagle]

The people you have made in your our own mind seems to be a much healthier alternative than feeling and acting out of rage at people who are really there

That's very true. Ultimately though, it would be great if I could use them (the pics) as a tool to learn not to hate them anymore. Because most of the time the abandonment issues are between my own ears, and not caused by these people. Difficult though because I feel abandoned very easily. Urrghh, annoying past!

when you feel the urge to talk to a picture, talk out loud to yourself instead, if it's about sharing your thoughts or working out a problem. See if you can give yourself some affirmation. And think about other ways you can distract and reward yourself that feel more positive to you.

That's really sound advice :) Thanks! I do use a diary but I guess that's not the same as saying something to myself directly. I'm going to try it!