The 5 Love Languages And Attachment To Therapist.

[mrsps]

Well I wrote a long letter for my therapist to read out in our session today. It was me being totally honest about my attachment to her and that I finally figured out why ..... because she fills some of my tanks that were not filled when I was younger. She barely made any comment on it apart from saying that I need to work on myself to be able to give myself these things that I am seeking from her. Which makes sense, the reason I am going to therapy to be "better me"
But this is something that has been troubling me for a long time and I was totally honest with her but it was like it was just swept under the carpet by her. I don't know what I feel now, I don't know if im hurt, angry I don't know.
I feel like I don't want to go back and see her next week. If I stay away from her then the attachment will eventually go away
I feel like she hates seeing me *even though this is properly just in my head*
I am just so confused

 

[BlueOrange]

It sounds like you were expecting her to say something that she didn't say?

 

[mrsps]

It sounds like you were expecting her to say something that she didn't say?

yes you are properly right. Just im not sure what I wanted her to say!

 

[digger]

It was me being totally honest about my attachment to her and that I finally figured out why ..... because she fills some of my tanks that were not filled when I was younger. She barely made any comment on it apart from saying that I need to work on myself to be able to give myself these things that I am seeking from her, …\…
I am just so confused

It sounds like what you wrote for her to read demonstrated that it was something you'd been struggling with but have managed to work out the 'why' part for for yourself. So, to me, her response of saying you now need to work on giving yourself those things that you're looking for/getting from her, or finding ways to do that, would be an appropriate one.

I think maybe spending some time figuring out what response you wanted from her, and why you felt let down by the response you got, would be valuable now.

What need did you want her to meet by sharing this with her?

 

[ghotiff]

Some options of what you may have wanted (I find this kind of process helpful)
- impressed that you worked this out
- proud of your courage to share something so difficult
- caring and gentle with you for exposing yourself
- more discussion of each of those love tanks
- acknowledgement that she fills those love tanks and that she felt good about that
- words equating to "I care for you too"

Hope that helps.

 

[mrsps]

I think maybe spending some time figuring out what response you wanted from her, and why you felt let down by the response you got, would be valuable now

thank you this makes total sense

 

[mrsps]

@ghotiff thanks I guess I was wanting her to tell me she does care and that she doesn't "hate" seeing me

 

[digger]

and that she doesn't "hate" seeing me

Was this something you included in the letter? That you feel like she hates seeing you?

 

[mrsps]

"there are times when I think you don't like me and I must be one of your most difficult clients and you must hate seeing me" this is what I wrote
*even though deep down I "think" (hope) its not true*

 

[digger]

I don't know if this is the case, but sometimes when I've written things down for my T, which is how we work a lot, often there is too much there to properly cover in one session.

If you don't feel like you've had enough feedback from her, or that you want to go over it more, then maybe at your next session you can say you'd like to go over what you wrote some more, in more depth, because there were some important realisations in there for you.

 

[ghotiff]

"there are times when I think you don't like me and I must be one of your most difficult clients and you must hate seeing me" *

Do you know where this thought originated. Is something an abuser said to you.

Definitely something to discuss with you T if you can.

 

[mrsps]

If you don't feel like you've had enough feedback from her, or that you want to go over it more, then maybe at your next session you can say you'd like to go over what you wrote some more, in more depth, because there were some important realisations in there for you.

Thanks for replying :)
It was a long letter, 2 typed pages so it had a lot of stuff in it. I feel that she skipped over most of it whether it was because what I had written to tell her about my attachment towards here she already knew and it was nothing new to her or what I don't know. But I am really struggling with it which is why I keep bring it up with her.
It is a huge issue to me that I am attached but it doesn't seem like a big deal to her.
I just feel so confused and lost