Sufferer Not Really Sure Where To Post This But I Am New

[shinigamidn]

Hi... I am new to this forum thing and I am really not sure what brought me here other than that I have been dealing with a rather haunted past for a good chunk of time now. I have never looked online before and was seeing a psych for only a short period of time. I don't really like going to therapists or talking about my issues in person. I thought maybe this would be better that way I can be anonymous and still get stuff out when I'm having a hard time. I think for the most part, I am doing pretty well. For a while, nightmares, flashbacks, depression, insomnia, suicidal thoughts, paranoia and all that fun stuff were pretty rampant in my life. Now it only comes and goes. Recently, I have started having nightmares again and constant thoughts about it all. I have trouble watching some movies and seeing people who look a certain way. I get jumpy sometimes and I guess I kind of freak out over certain things that other people think I am crazy for. But it beats how bad it was before. I just don't want these nightmares to get out of control again to the point where I cannot sleep at night anymore and become severely depressed, psychotic and suicidal. That is not who I am but it was like a crazy downward spiral when that happened before. Sure is the weirdest thing ever looking back and seeing how I totally lost myself because that just isn't who I have ever been! Anyway, that about sums up where I'm at right now. Just wondering how in the world to get a hold of myself with the nightmares, how you handle seeing movies or people, the jumpiness and weird things that set you off... Also, does anyone else have an issue with memory? More specifically, I feel like my brain blocks out certain things. I mean, I feel completely nuts that I can't remember certain things clearly or is my brain just making stuff up or twisting things? Thank you for reading my long, drawn out "introduction." I appreciate any replies. I feel completely and utterly alone in this and I feel like I can't talk to anyone about any of it because there is so little understanding from others. Talking to other people about any of it makes me feel even crazier and I feel like people will judge me and be cruel... *sigh* I don't know. Thanks again.

 

[missjasmyn]

Hi Shinigamidn!

I totally understand where you are coming from and I have been there many times. I know you are going to hate to hear this, just as I did, but I really recommend going to a therapist. I used to just deal with my issues on my own and they were really bad at one point. The problems would come and go and I would just deal with it. I was totally against going to a therapist and it made me incredibly uncomfortable. However, my life has changed dramatically since I got help. It took me awhile, but I got over the uncomfortable feelings and the change was dramatic and significant. One week I was severely depressed, anxious, and hypervigilant. I could hardly eat and I could not sleep without my trauma haunting me. It was horrendous. A month later after starting my treatment, I haven't had one intrusive thought about my trauma or anything surrounding it.

If that's totally not what you wanted to hear, I apologize. I can try to address other things as best as I can, but nothing beats going through treatment.

I listen to visualization recordings every night before bed to help me sleep when I'm at my worst. I also do a lot of breathing exercised before bed to calm my mind. Another thing that helps me is to watch some really happy/corny movie before bed and avoid watching anything scary or serious beforehand. As for the jumpiness, look up anxiety exercises (again, like breathing exercises and such). I do have an issue with memory when I go through a bad bout but I don't know what you can do about that besides treat yourself as well as you can and look for any and every PTSD outlet possible. Memory actually is affected by anxiety and trauma when we go through tough times.

I hope that maybe answered something for you! And I really hope you feel better

 

[shinigamidn]

Hi Jasmyn,

Nice to meet you. Thank you for replying. :)
I am definitely not keen on seeing a therapist. I have an extremely difficult time talking to a stranger about that stuff, plus it costs way too much. To top it off, I do not like the stigma surrounding it. I would be terrified to tell my husband I was seeing a therapist. When I told him before, it made me feel so weak and crazy. I don't like him seeing me in such a light. Perhaps I will warm up to it sooner or later. I also do not like when they push meds on you.
What kind of visualization recordings are they? Are they like hypnosis type recordings? Thank you again.

 

[Lucycat]

Hi @shinigamidn and welcome to the forum.

 

[intothelight]

@shinigamidn Welcome to the forum!

I feel completely and utterly alone in this and I feel like I can't talk to anyone about any of it because there is so little understanding from others.

I found that to be the best part of this forum, being among other people who really do understand as they had also experienced many of the same things I had struggled with. As you read I believe you will find this to be true.

The forum has a lot of information and there are many threads and posts that address some of the symptoms that you are experiencing and there are a lot of ideas for management of those symptoms. Sometimes it is a matter of trial and error before you find one that works best.

I hope you find the information and support beneficial to your healing.

 

[hailstorm]

@shinigamidn Hi and welcome. I have been on this forum for a short time and I can tell you that the people here are very accepting and supportive. Everyone here has had some kind of trauma related experience or supports someone that has so you are definitely in the right place for encouragement and support. I have been helped tremendously even by just reading the posts of topics that concern me. I agree with @missjasmyn that it may do you good to seek out a therapist to help you sort out the things that are haunting you. It (therapy) has helped me calm my symptoms.
Best to you.

 

[RussH]

ho shinigamidn,
Welcome to the forum. I want to reitterate what intothelight said; that one of the best parts of being on this forum is having people that understand you. I lived, for years, thinking I was alone in how I felt and thought, ,and when I learned that other people suffer the way I do, it was such a relief.

I know it is going to sould like a broken record but therapy will help.
If you are not confortable talking about your symptoms, then write them down, and let the therapist read them.
Does you husband know about the nightmares? If so, then I am guessing he will want you to get help, and will not see you weak because of it.

Many of us have endured trauma that the human brain was not designed to deal with, and as a result we have ptsd. It is nothing to be ashamed of, but it is something that can be treated, and you can leard coping mechinisms that will help deal with the symptoms.

I wish you well, and look forward to getting to know you here on the forum.

 

[joeylittle]

Welcome, @shinigamidn. I'd suggest looking around the forum, doing searches for subjects you have questions on, and just reading as much as you can - along with posting and being a voice in the community. There is an enormous amount of information here, and so many people have written about their varied experiences; you'll find lots to identify with, I expect, and also maybe see some other options for types of therapies that aren't necessarily "talk" therapy. Glad you're here!

 

[ghotiff]

Welcome :)

If therapy is not for you right now there are lots of helpful books.

 

[robcox1980]

It's odd. Some people just need to hear a kind word from the right person. Sometimes, a thousand 'hellos' can be as if silent--the internet is notorious for this, in my opinion. With that said, hello, welcome. I have trouble with certain media/people, as well. In my experience, it seems to be the cosmos/life coordinating with your own consciousness to taylor who you are/will be. Less we not forget: (edit: personal) survival is paramount to all but survival of the entire cosmos. If you're tuning into this things can get pretty scary on this rock we call Earth. Why? We entertain ourselves with movies about blowing up stuff, murder, songs about pain and suffering, heartache, etcetera. If you fill your head with negatives (eighty percent of our daily surroundings, especially if you're a driver in the United States), then is it any wonder why nightmares and anxiety plague those with a moral compass?

 

[WildWood]

3 Years On...

This was a post I made after reading this thread. It's meant for the OP :)