Seasonal/anniversary Stuff Bringing Me Down

[digger]

I try really hard not to get hung up on dates. October is tricky though and I'm struggling. It is four years since the lid pretty much got blown off my life and everything went BANG! Pretty much the whole of October that year was day after day of repeated exposure to stressors and triggers around the event and previous ones, so I understand how it got so imprinted and difficult to shake off, but I'm not sure how to change that.

It's not that I'm actually consciously choosing to mark it as an anniversary in any way. There are a couple of dates though that every time I see them written down somewhere or hear them mentioned just send me cold. One of them is again something that I think got more imprinted because of repeatedly seeing it and having to read or write or acknowledge it over and over at the time. The other, while not actually being connected to Hallowe'en, fell on Hallowe'en, so seeing mention of that kind of takes me on a chain reaction...

The other problem is that it ties in with a marked seasonal change at this time of year here, and that has got tangled in with it all. The changes in weather, light, colour, smells etc all throw me back. It just feels like reminders are inescapable and everywhere.

My mood has really dropped the last couple of days. I've been trying to just dismiss it and remind myself that a)that was then, this is now and b)it won't be October forever anyway and that I can just ride this out, but it's not feeling that way at the moment.

I'm trying to distract myself with other things, but the main thing that usually manages to lift me out of the funk a bit is to get outside, either walking or gardening, and the combination of 'everything Autumn', and the weather deciding to turn shite anyway even if I could push past that, is limiting that as an option.

I don't think I'm expecting anyone to have any solutions to this. I think I just needed to moan and grumble about it a bit...!

 

[Jane.l]

It's weird how the weather and seasons changing have such an effect - I get very effected by smells etc too

October is hard because of Halloween being pretty unavoidable - bit like f'ing Xmas - it's hard to pretend it's not October .

I will see if I can think of something that might be helpful and get back to you - sorry you are feeling crappy :hug:

 

[JEKBreatheandBelieve]

I feel exactly the same way. My life got completely flipped 2 years ago in October as well and with the season change comes the unwanted effects emotionally. I certainly don't have any advice, but I did want you to know you aren't alone.

 

[whserenitynluv]

This time of year is both the best for me because of the smells, colors, ect. But it is also reminds me as well of things, your not alone. I'm not sure if those things will ever disappear, but it's easier with life changes I suppose. Hugs

 

[Jane.l]

I have a suggestion for you might help - so coming at this at a different angle - your mind has got preoccupied with thinking about October, so maybe try and occupy it a different way.

I think we are often on 'the same page' and I struggle a lot with the ideas of mindfulness and self compassion etc but I have been reading and looking into things a lot lately and there is a lot of research that meditation is very helpful for PTSD - but meditation kind of creeps me out slightly in that I think I am just going to get overcome with dark negative thoughts but then I discovered this app called Headspace - which is a really upbeat modern take on it - I have to admit that I have had masses going on and I haven't spent too much time actually trying to do it but I love their approach, very upbeat , very motivating. Might be helpful for you ?

Just a thought .

 

[digger]

Yeah......even the word 'meditation' generally tends to bring me out in hives! ;).... I will have a look and see if there is a kindle friendly version of the app though and see. Thanks for the suggestion.

It is a case of needing to find distractions to occupy my mind I think, but also finding the motivation to find and apply the distractions is hard at the moment. As with many things, I can quite often see what I need to do, or at least understand the theory behind trying certain things, but finding the energy to take that to a practical level is another thing.

 

[Jane.l]

I know what you mean I get to the same place - trouble is nothing matters when I get down - just nothing so all the practical stuff goes out of the window and even therapy doesn't help because it just feels like a string of words - that don't matter or help - am I cheering you up here ? ;)

I think there is a desktop version of headspace too you could google it - it is about trying to find motivation you are right .

 

[digger]

- am I cheering you up here ? ;)

Made me laugh :)

 

[digger]

headspace .

Okay, perhaps not that at the moment.... I think I managed to listen to it for maybe two/three minutes before getting too panicked to continue. I seem to have this thing where if I'm deliberately trying to relax it has the opposite effect and puts me on high alert (presumably because relaxed doesn't feel like a safe state to be in). I have to come at it more sneakily than that and just do things that will make me more relaxed, without the actual goal being relaxing (at least not in an out loud sort of way), if that makes sense?

And anything that tells me to close my eyes is a big NO!

Thank you for the suggestion though. Who knows, maybe one day further down the line I might be able to tolerate something like that.

 

[JEKBreatheandBelieve]

I seem to have this thing where if I'm deliberately trying to relax it has the opposite effect and puts me on high alert (presumably because relaxed doesn't feel like a safe state to be in).

I can completely relate to this and to the closing the eyes part. I never close my eyes when anyone says to. I tried it once in therapy and never since has my therapist tried suggesting that again!

 

[Jane.l]

Sorry didn't mean to make you worse :( - I don't do closed eyes either - well done for trying .

Ok so maybe you need to do something more active with your mind - I will think again

 

[Jane.l]

Also I just had one of my lightbulb moments - I think that maybe why meditation is good for PTSD is because to do it you have to be able to sit with your anxiety - which makes a ridiculous suggestion for you at the moment - shame I didn't have that insight earlier - also explains why I struggle with it :confused: