Fires

[Bookoffee]

I am on the verge of being hospitalized. I can not do anything without being fearful every minute of my life. I fear that I am going to be attacked by everyone around me. I can’t control my mind. It is always on high alert, sending me into panic attacks and dissociation.

I have been fighting off surprised memories of my past. To keep the memories from coming up, I create crisis in my life to keep me in fear from exploring what is emerging up. As soon as one of my created crisis is solved, I need to create a new one within hours to days without realizing what I am doing.

I am tired of running. I am ready for the intense therapy to let go of this enormous weight I have on my back and in my head. I think I need to start with the safety of my wife and therapist. My wife knows me, she can understand what I am trying to explain, she can help me break it down when I am crying and panicking.She helps me focus on the now and not the then.

I am wondering if I would be able to do therapy and expose myself to a stranger being able to stay sane, continue to work and sleep at night.

 

[bell]

Please take care of yourself. And remember that your wife is not your therapist. She does not have the same resources or the same training or the same knowledge.

Let her be your rock, let your therapist be your therapist. Conflating the two only means splitting your resources instead of doubling them, and gives your problems to her, thus keeping her from holding your hand when you need her most.

 

[joeylittle]

I am wondering if I would be able to do therapy and expose myself to a stranger being able to stay sane, continue to work and sleep at night.

You might need to take a break from work, just for a few weeks. Have you ever done a partial hospitalization or an intensive outpatient program? The structure of that support can be really great. And if you've got a therapist (I can't remember), it sounds like you are ready to really talk to them, even if you are also afraid.

 

[Intrepid]

For years I took what I called "mental health days" off from work. The flashbacks and anxiety got to be too much, and I'd call in sick. I didn't tell them what I was sick with. I just kept that general. I was afraid of the stigma.