Therapy Best Pre Breakdown Or Post Breakdown?

[shimmerz]

I have to admit that I am bitter that my parents didn't let me know about my past. I often feel that if I and and s heads up that I could have dealt with this prior to being incapacitated. I am wondering if many of you knew enough to get therapy before the walls caved in and whether you could continue to function through therapy.

 

[Chava]

I just got totally screwed up, ended up in therapy and hospitals and felt more screwed up. But I don't have regrets (just sometimes sadness for everything). I went downhill hard and fast and it really probably had to be a whack-a-mole treatment of my destructive symptoms...not like I could have processed "why" of things. It would have been helpful to have more body-focused and grounding stuff earlier, but it just wasn't a thing...nobody did that in my part of the country. But also, I think I needed some years away from my childhood home and years developing some bit of "selfhood" as an adult before seeking out therapy on my own. When things were bad, I'd see a doctor or therapist for a bit. But to really look at how I could transform my relationship to myself, go deeper, and stick with some kind of therapy...I think that probably happened when it was supposed to (long after original chaos). But I'm sure it depends on the individual. I can just say I relate well to everything caving in before I had any therapy.

Trying to go deeper in therapy has been hard, but I feel like I'm beyond my worst collapses (I hope) and I also just have more tools. I have some super messed up days, but it's like part of me retains awareness and I know I'm not getting sucked into a vortex I cannot escape. It almost felt that way a couple months ago, but I called my doctor because I had enough awareness to know that part of it was the medication I was on. I guess I feel like I can survive a crisis somewhat, so that prevents me from non-stop, everyday numbing and distance from myself. It helps that I feel like this is allowed to be a slow process (pissed off if new insurance screws this up for me, but that's a separate post). If I had been told I had 3 months of therapy, I think it would be a mess of pressure. That happened once...being told I'd have my anorexia cured in 3 months because that was the treatment plan (my major form of destruction and numbing/distancing at the time). I ended up on anti-psychotics and a whole cocktail of things, and institutionalized for most of a year. I'm realizing that I have to be able to trust my own life and process.

 

[JEKBreatheandBelieve]

When I first was diagnosed with PTSD, I spent a lot of time blaming myself. I had read that if you sought support closer to the event, that the chances of developing PTSD (from single trauma) were decreased. But I didn't know that. And I had absolutely no time that wasn't taken up by teaching or caring for my family- part of what caused the PTSD. I wished and wished I had sought help when the nightmares didn't stop.

And then I started remembering things that I hadn't even known about and learned about having dissociative identity disorder. And all the while I was wishing I hadn't ever been in a car accident or I had gotten help sooner so that my life wouldn't have fallen apart.

But I can't live in the land of "what-ifs". I try to a lot of the time, but it never works out. And even though my life feels like it's falling apart, it's actually making a lot more sense.

I can't answer your question. No one can know. Things may have been different, but maybe not in a positive way either. I just want you to know that I have similar thoughts about what might have happened. I hope that this makes sense and feels supportive as I mean it to be.

 

[Recovery4Me]

Therapy is best served a' la carte while being warmly received by society as an side dish of courage!;)

 

[Deleted member 1860]

I don't think that you can learn how to heal unless you've really needed it....I mean its not something that you can learn in advance. So what if your parents did tell you about your past? There's a 99.9% chance that you'd just say "well I'm ok, I don't need to learn coping skills or grounding skills or anything like that". I've known all about my past. I've been in therapy since I was 10. I tried to get help for so many years and it didn't really amount to a pile of beans. The truth is that the squeaky wheel gets the grease. If I was "ok" and just trying to learn how to be healthy-ER then I would have been given some crap advice that's given to people who have problems along the lines of being sad that they have to wake up and go to work on Monday mornings. I wouldn't have been eligible for ANY of the treatment that was the most helpful for me (two stays in the trauma unit for almost two months and two weeks in intensive trauma therapy). I'd still be floundering along with talk therapists who just sit there, nod, and say "how does that make you feel?" How would I know pre-breakdown what types of therapy would help? Most of my therapy came only after lots and lots of research on PTSD.

I understand why you're bitter, but I think the reality of things is that even if you did know, your path in healing wouldn't be any different. I've known other people who have been traumatized and I know that they're one MINOR trigger away from going full blown, but the truth is that they all just turn a blind eye, they choose to not dig into things. Why would you try to fix something that isn't yet broken? (Not that we're broken, but you get my analogy.)

And MANY people have crappy abusive pasts but aren't as affected by it, and don't necessarily develop PTSD, anxiety, depression, etc. I think you're making an assumption that all those who have bad pasts are destined to have mental problems, that by simply knowing about your past you'd somehow be able to know of the crap that awaits you in the future? Some go their whole lives with no breakdown, some break down in their 20's, others in their 30's, and so forth.

Even if you did tons of pre-emptive therapy, you can still be hit with a rock bottom hitting sort of breakdown. The truth is that you don't know what is going to trigger you to go over the edge. When my symptoms were at their worst, there weren't that many skills I really could have known in advance that would have "saved" me. Skills are learned through trial and error, and if you don't try them out and practice them when you're symptomatic, then how do you know they work?

 

[Friday]

I tend to drop off the map when I break down. *Poof*. No credit cards, no ID, no address, no phone, no contact. I've been working my ass off not to go there/ do that this time around... And this month I'm gonna be edgy. My whole goal this month is not to run away.

So the only kind of therapy I know at all is pre-meltdown or post-all-better-now. Lol. Not for real all better, but that's what I thought last time. I didn't get into therapy again (and not trauma therapy, working on that now) until a year into this current tailspin.

If I reach catastrophic failure, I'll let you know which works better ;). I suspect, though, that the answer is pretty individual. As far as preemptive strikes... Hasn't worked for me, so far. I've simply been continuing to get worse. We'll see, though. Fingers crossed.

 

[shimmerz]

I got symptomatic 40 years ago and begged to go to counselling. My counsellor told my parents in front of me that they 'had to tell me'. Tell me what - I continually asked. They wouldn't say. Major breakdown 3 years later. everyone looked for a physical reason. Arrrggghhh! I just wish they had gotten me help before I had to perform as an adult.
Your point is well taken though @Solara. I grapple with- what would I have done with this if I had known as well as how young is too young to deal with such serious issues. It is a brain teaser for me for sure. I appreciate your perspective on how it was to be a cold in therapy. Ty.

JEK, yes I feel like if I had known I would have made different choices but who is to say for certain. @Recovery4Me I love this - and perhaps if I had had help my parents wouldn't have pushed so hard for me to be 'normal'. I have come to terms that I never have been and never will be - but I really like myself.

@Chava - yes i agree with your take on selfhood. I feel like parents are stakeholders and their taking responsibility in their parts of our brokenness can skew or even impede our recovery.

 

[Chava]

Parents can totally f#ck up recovery efforts. When I was younger they were very embarrassed I had any problems and wanted them gone FASTER. I was really ashamed. It was easier to just play normal to the extent I could, slowly starve, get drunk and cut up my limbs in secrecy late at night when I could. I ran away for a while to escape the whole thing. Gasighting, scapegoating...all that. It's not like there would have been a way to become more aware of my traumas without being reminded everything was my own fault or that I was full of shit. You can't recover in that context. I just sort of survived (barely). I had a little therapy but couldn't make use of it...though having one person willing to validate the few things I'd share probably helped me not kill myself.

On my own, it's totally my own process. I still feel some interference even though I live far away from my family, but with questions of my health stuff I've gotten good at satisfying them with the most minimal answers so there aren't more questions or judgments.

Years of feeling pushed to be "normal" would be really had, but I am so glad you accept and like who you are. As a kid I developed a sort of isolative space where I could quietly be myself...not dissociative space, but more like quietly creatively keeping out of trouble and to myself through drawing and writing stories...I like that I sort of designed my own safe spaces where I could be me. I still have that and I am grateful to have developed that space and individuality.

 

[Recovery4Me]

:hug:

that I am bitter that my parents didn't let me know about my past

Many times in life, I had wished for a magical pinnacle moment in which I could time-jump back to, in order to eradicated or change- to avoid years of pain. Sadly alternative realities of my past, are not within my control by negative rumination...just the aftermath.

However, balanced grieving over my loss, has allowed the 'bitterness' to dissipate thus make room for a brighter future with informed choices. Therapy whenever it is chosen can assist with both.

I am sorry for your pain dear-heart and know your continuing journey to heal will be full of promise as well as hope. Be gentle on yourself and your heart. Make room for the shimmering you.

 

[shimmerz]

I do get what you are saying - both of you. I get logically that dwelling on the past is counterproductive. I am hoping to get to peace on this but like Chava mentioned I too wash under so much pressure to be normal and it didn't help my health. I suppose on the upside I am allowing myself to be un-normal and not making excuses for that. Perhaps the victory is in that. Thank you so much.

 

[Sandstone]

I tried therapy pre-breakdown, many years ago, but as soon as it got anywhere near the main issue, I terminated. It was only when the issues got ripped out into the open that I had the will to persist, and the need to find a way ahead.

I don't believe that therapy could have helped back then, it was too essential to me to keep everything contained, in order to live and survive

 

[shimmerz]

@stenni, yes, this is what I am wondering about. Had I known would I have understood or had the dedication to pursue it. I was functioning before and it is a mind tease to me whether I would have been able to get to where I am now if I had learned about my trauma earlier and dissected it before the walls caved in.