The Unhoused Mind - C-trauma And The Sense Of Never Belonging

[sun seeker]

That fear is then associated with the *home* and all that entails - and will then replicate throughout life in drama, insecurity, fear-related living situations, domestic violence and more. Until that spell/curse/code is broken.

Yes, and poverty in general, because having no economic security echoes having no emotional security. I've thought for a while now that something glaringly missing from almost all books on how childhood trauma affects people in adulthood is a mention of how many people's ability to make a living is diminished, especially when it comes to making a living doing creative, interesting things.

I knew a woman once who was trying to feel at home in a new country, and she would walk in the woods and bring home lots of roots to symbolize putting down roots. In the case of early trauma that wouldn't get you very far, but it's possibly one empowering act.

As to where to find the information, I don't know, except here. Maybe you could start a poll?

Welcome to the forum, by the way.

 

[Tinyflame]

I've learned from a member here that low-grade anxiety culminates in feeling like not belonging.

In some ways 'home' might mean we also don't have to feel vigilant (hopefully), too.

But I didn't mean it flippantly about the heart, in all humility I can only say for myself asking my heart of hearts is the only thing that ever feels clearer to me.

 

[missbliss]

Maybe looking into how attachment wounds from childhood get healed through adult relationships might help? Perhaps the way people develop earned secure attachment might help?

Absolutely. Then of course there are the main components of the disorganized attachment pattern to even allow relationship to develop - how to trust, stay the course, become vulnerable etc. I have not been able to do this - for most of my life I've lived like a hermit, shutting out people and isolating. What you say though is true - and I have much admiration for those who can hold home in their heart no matter where they are.

 

[missbliss]

Yes, and poverty in general, because having no economic security echoes having no emotional security. I've thought for a while now that something glaringly missing from almost all books on how childhood trauma affects people in adulthood is a mention of how many people's ability to make a living is diminished, especially when it comes to making a living doing creative, interesting things...Welcome to the forum, by the way.

Thank you. Yes - 100% on all the points you've raised. This sense of disorganized thinking, being hypervigilent, feeling less than, not deserving - even though consciously you're telling yourself *I can do this* - and you're repeating the affirmations, reading the books, going to 12 step meetings, this status of *not being worthy of a home, family, love, stability* is silently running in the background overriding and dictating my life to be an under-achiever, physically run-down, exhausted to the core and unable to formulate relationships or be at home in my own body.

Dr. Lawrence Heller, a video of whom I am returning to now a few times said it very succinctly - paraphrasing *it is like these individuals, because they were not welcomed into the world at the time of their birth, never actually entered this world - and are somewhere in the etheric level, always thinking, perceiving, - stuck on the mental level*. That is it - in a nutshell. Oh and btw - that's all I do when I venture outside - is collect stray plants. It is all about being rooted and connected to something viable and living.

 

[sun seeker]

Dr. Lawrence Heller, a video of whom I am returning to now a few times said it very succinctly - paraphrasing *it is like these individuals, because they were not welcomed into the world at the time of their birth, never actually entered this world - and are somewhere in the etheric level, always thinking, perceiving, - stuck on the mental level*. That is it - in a nutshell.

He's right on. Have you read his book, Healing Developmental Trauma? I've raved on here about how much I like that book. His explanation of what early trauma does to us and his method for healing it go far beyond anything else I've read. Now the only problem is finding someone trained in his methods.

that's all I do when I venture outside - is collect stray plants. It is all about being rooted and connected to something viable and living.

Sounds like you have good instincts, and a strong drive towards healing. I wish you all the best. You have an eloquent way of explaining what is on your mind. Have you done much writing?

 

[Tinyflame]

.. (the).. status of *not being worthy of a home, family, love, stability* is silently running in the background overriding and dictating.. life .

I think that may be so, never thought of that. :confused: True I guess. :(

*it is like these individuals, because they were not welcomed into the world at the time of their birth, never actually entered this world - and are somewhere in the etheric level, always thinking, perceiving, - stuck on the mental level*.

Same here- hugely, I have been described often as "one foot here, one foot there". Except it seems an emotional & sensory plane more than a mental one for me.

@missbliss , just thought- the plants in their way have a home in nature. But you are aware & meeting a perceived need. Yes surely from your own agony but it's a good way to convert it.

I always thought if I was a millionaire I'd love to open an orphanage for kids (not like the ones you see, but one really filled with love & joy & 100% safety & a feeling of security). I wish. :rolleyes:

Interesting (& kind of unsettling to me, almost) awareness & thoughts from everyone. Hugs to you. :hug:

 

[sun seeker]

Same here- hugely, I have been described often as "one foot here, one foot there". Except it seems an emotional & sensory plane more than a mental one for me.

Junebug, Lawrence Heller's book divides people with early developmental trauma into two subgroups: the intellectualizing and the spiritualizing. Both are ways of coping with not feeling at home in the physical world, and there are gifts that come with each, but also deficits. One group lives in their heads and the other is constantly seeking spiritual growth and understanding, but both are sides of the same coin. He identifies five specific developmental windows and what happens when there is trauma in any of them and the developmental tasks of that window are not completed. What you describe as "one foot here, one foot there" sounds like what I have described as an awareness of never having wanted to be born, or of having been dragged into this lifetime kicking and screaming - although that goes against my personal understanding of spirituality, it's what it feels like.

I always thought if I was a millionaire I'd love to open an orphanage for kids (not like the ones you see, but one really filled with love & joy & 100% safety & a feeling of security). I wish. :rolleyes:

I have similar dreams. Sometimes literally. At least every other week I wake up remembering vivid dreams about saving a child from some danger or befriending a child, and one thing the dreams have in common is a sense of being the child's ally in a way that goes beyond words, sometimes into psychic communication.

 

[Tinyflame]

Yes I guess that sounds like it @sun seeker . Does the feeling about (not being) 'home' begin there then?

Based on that, does that mean it's a different spirituality, or somehow a less genuine one, different because it was (according to that) based on need? (Sorry to you & @missbliss for all of the questions.)

 

[missbliss]

He's right on. Have you read his book, Healing Developmental Trauma? I've raved on here about how much I like that book. His explanation of what early trauma does to us and his method for healing it go far beyond anything else I've read. Now the only problem is finding someone trained in his methods.


Sounds like you have good instincts, and a strong drive towards healing. I wish you all the best. You have an eloquent way of explaining what is on your mind. Have you done much writing?

Thank you for your kind words. I had seen the video way back but couldn't really focus on it then. Now it popped up and it was that - I must learn everything about this method, so I did order the book and am looking into Somatic methods on a whole but truly he has it down to a T. And I very much like his gentle intelligence, I am sure if I worked with him, things would improve greatly. Sun Seeker, I live so much in my head, that writing is just second nature. It's taking those thoughts as they are and just writing. I'd hoped a thousand times to write my book - the book - but apparently the chapters are still being lived and don't you know, how hard it is to stay the course from start to finish. I await the book but in the meantime, healing must, must commence. My body is now telling me so.

 

[missbliss]

What you describe as "one foot here, one foot there" sounds like what I have described as an awareness of never having wanted to be born, or of having been dragged into this lifetime kicking and screaming - although that goes against my personal understanding of spirituality, it's what it feels like.

Ah. There is much to be learned about where are *stuck*. On this level - of neither here nor there. I know it's easier to be at a bird's eye height from afar. This way I can see but I am also safe. And flying is also a lot of fun.

Being here on this planet - I resisted and still resist. I was literally pushed from heaven into this drab, unforgiving, unloving place with CRAZY PEOPLE - where after all these years I STILL can't understand who these people are and what I am doing here. I have thought many times that it must be a form of either punishment or learning - i.e. clearing a hell of a lot of negative karma. Like MAJOR stuff. It was either this - or nothing. And that the concept of Home - was nothing on this planet - that is for sure. Even my so-called *family* on earth was just a collective I happened to be born into, and my real family were all up in another strastosphere.

But this is reality, I know - just do not want to face it - so I run and hide. It's just too overwhelming. You describe the book so well. I am wondering if he has any positive outlooks on what becomes of us - ie is there hope at all? Are people cured? Are they able to connect back to themselves?

 

[missbliss]

@missbliss, I just thought- the plants in their way have a home in nature. But you are aware & meeting a perceived need. Yes surely from your own agony but it's a good way to convert it...Interesting (& kind of unsettling to me, almost) awareness & thoughts from everyone. Hugs to you. :hug:

Aww. It's early here. And now I have a lump where I am about to cry. So....

Nature has always been such a healer to me. It is really the only place I can be without freaking out. I speak the language, it speaks to me. I think I took a downfall when I became homeless a few months back and had to move back into my mother's apartment where a LOT of the abuse transpired. And it is very very far from nature, though I have brought in plants and consistently keep attuned to the trees and birds whenever I venture out.

I also have a similar desire - when, if, should the finances become ever available to me, to open a healing center. Yes, in nature. With trees to learn from. Bringing in all the highest forms of healing to undo trauma. Not for profit but for love. That is the vision. Blessings.

 

[Lucycat]

Others have mentioned attachment theory and I agree. The fundamental presumption of the object relations school of the psychodynamic approach is that humans have a basic need for human contact and security. This means basic attachment to a caring person and a safe place. As Justme said these attachments can be 'earned secure' which means although they were missing in childhood they can be achieved later. 'Earned' implies work, and yes my belief is that it takes an awful lot of effort to achieve earned secure attachments.