Why Death? All I Think About Is Suicide

[cookie]

sitting here, shaking, wanting nothing but death. why does it make me feel this way every time i hear him? i feel so scared til i can get myself back together, then i have to shake like this, and thoughts of how to k*ll myself bombarde me nonstop. why do i have to be so preoccupied with death? i am so tired of this struggle. cookie

 

[YoungAndAngry]

Cookie, suicidal thoughts are deadly,
take it easy on yourself
I know how overwhelming this thoughts can be,
but you need to remember that tomarrow will be better,
the mood will change
it might be hard "right now" but things can only get better from this point

 

[anthony]

Cookie, if suicidal thoughts are getting beyond reproach, then you need to get on the phone, call a suicide help line, and get yourself immediate help. You are calling for help, but we cannot do this for you, you have to do this yourself. Make a phone call to an emergency line and talk with them.

I would seriously look at your medications cookie, because most of your struggles are about suicide, and not the major symptoms, which stands out to me as possibly you are having adverse side effects to your medications which are causing these thoughts.

You want help cookie, and here is the guiding force... first, pick up the phone and call a suicide help line, second, get in contact with your doctor and tell them it is overwhelming you, and you want off these medications and onto something else, as you think you are having adverse side effects to your current prescription.

It does get better cookie, it really does, but you have to want to help yourself at the same time. Please do these things I request above, and help yourself now, so we can work on the rest of you a bit later.

 

[anthony]

Cookie, what anti-depressants are you on exactly? Any other medications also that your on? Are you drinking alcohol also?

 

[cookie]

hi , anthony. no, i don't drink at all. i am on cymbalta, wellbutrin, and lexapro. the well butrin seemed to help a lot of things, but i was still going through the suicidal thoughts, i couldn't tell much about the lexapro, but maybe helped me to sleep some. the cymbalta seems to help cut down the incidence of the flashbacks, but not the audible part. I don't like taking a lot of med, and the dr knows that, he promised to get me off them as soon as possible. i was having the suicidal thoughts , only more often, before i started anything.
my t. thinks it may be because my mother tried to drown me in the bath tub when i was 3, and that she offered to help me kill myself when i was 14. i don't know. all i know is, no matter what i take, when the flashbacks come, i want to die and feel like something is pushing me towards that. it is a struggle. thanks for caring. cookie

 

[reallydown]

Hang in there Cookie

 

[anthony]

Ok Cookie, this is what your doctors forget to tell you, and are often just plain ignorant to how prescription medications can make us feel. Most doctors get kick-backs from prescribing medications through the drug companies. This is realistic and is happening in most clinics nowadays. The more they prescribe, the more kick-backs they get. Lets have a look at the side effects of what your taking, and you decide whether my advice below is worthwhile or not for you. I am only pulling the side effects in regard to more depression and your suicidal issues, as listing them all would be a long read.

Side Effects

Cymbalta, Lexapro and Wellbutrin - Increased depression, suicidal thinking and behaviours (cymbalta includes completed suicide from adverse reactions within clinical trials), mood swings, sluggishness, etc etc...

Antidepressants increased the risk of suicidal thinking and behavior (suicidality) in short-term studies in children and adolescents with major depressive disorder (MDD) and other psychiatric disorders. Anyone considering the use of Cymbalta, Lexapro, Wellbutrin or any other antidepressant in a child or adolescent must balance this risk with the clinical need. Patients who are started on therapy should be observed closely for clinical worsening, suicidality, or unusual changes in behavior. Families and caregivers should be advised of the need for close observation and communication with the prescriber. Pooled analyses of short-term (4 to 16 weeks) placebo-controlled trials of 9 antidepressant drugs (SSRIs and others) in children and adolescents with major depressive disorder (MDD), obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD), or other psychiatric disorders (a total of 24 trials involving over 4400 patients) have revealed a greater risk of adverse events representing suicidal thinking or behavior (suicidality) during the first few months of treatment in those receiving antidepressants.

My Suggestions

Cookie, go find yourself a naturopath within your area, actually go and visit them for a detailed discussion about your clinical history and medication. You will find, they will be able to decrease your prescription medications with all these increase in side effects for the exact thing that these are supposed to be reducing, and they will replace them with natural alternatives that will actually reduce your depression, suicide and so forth, get you off these nasty drugs that your doctor is giving you and getting paid to give you, regardless of your health or well being.

Please, go see a naturopath and see what they can do for you. You will find, and I never believed this myself until I did it, that an acupuncturist will also be able to reduce your depression and suicidal thoughts through just acupuncture alone. You need an acupuncturist that does traditional and TCM, not just one or the other, but both. They exist all over, just make phone calls. One session is not going to fix you, but if you stick with it for a month, which could mean one session a week, four weeks, and you see how you feel then, but at the same time, you would need to be kicking those meds out of your system, and need to discuss this with the acupuncturist at the time, so you can see the true results for yourself, as you will have side effects from the withdrawals of SSRI's, being all three medications you are currently on... all three anti-depressants... all three which are causing most of your increased problems.

Please cookie, take this advice and action it, as you will feel better if you stick with these other treatments over the current crap they are putting in your system to make you this way.

 

[YoungAndAngry]

My thoughts are with you cookie,
you aren't alone,
and you can get through this!!!!

 

[purdyamos]

What a terrible thing your mother burned into your psyche. Please keep going - the world needs you in it! We're all here for you.

 

[kimG]

Cookie,

Thanks for sharing with us; I know sometimes it can be a very scary thing to do. What courage you have!

As others have said, we are all here for you. Hang in there and the worst will go away.

 

[cookie]

thanks, all of you, for your support. it means a lot to me. this place has done so much to make me feel like i'm not crazy, maybe just an altered "normal". y'all are wonderful people!
anthony, i have a dr.'s appt. friday, i will talk to him about the med. He did let me try over-the-counter melatonin for sleep instead of a drug. Unfortunately, it seems to have a delayed action, and makes me sleepy the next day instead. What is a naturopath? i know you said you can find them all over, but i am a west virginia hillbilly! it's not exactly all over. we have supplements and health food stores, but you are on your own to find what you need. something like that?
on another note, i really don't think the suicidal thoughts are any more, maybe less than all this started a yr ago. but i have read the warnings online for the meds i'm on, and i don't like it. i take very little med as a general practice, but this thing has knocked me for a loop! i was willing to try anything pretty much. cookie

 

[anthony]

Cookie, a naturopath is a qualified professional in alternative medicine, not prescription medicine. They will only generally ever prescribe drug company medication in diar instances, when all else fails, because they know the impact these medications have, and the reality of all the goings on behind the scenes on what really is best for us, the public, opposed to best for the bottom line of those prescribing and making the drugs.

A naturopath will only give you healthier alternatives to normal medications... similar to chinese medicine for example. I always looked at them as touchy feely types, generally nothing I wanted anything to do with, well... still don't have much to do with, but I know when I need help nowadays, I go natural first before standard medical, because I know the outcomes.

It was like me getting acupuncture for the scar tissue on my ankle, in that the doctors wanted to do mor surgery to remove it, thus creating some more scar tissue, and an acupuncturist removed it all with needles and massage. See the difference!!!

Use the search function on The American Association of Naturopathic Physicians to find one near you.