Boyfriend Crossed The Line

[Tahekes]

Excuse my language but selfish prick comes to mind! I say this because my ex husband said that all the time "baby let me stick it in just once"...ugggh! Regardless of IF I was sick or whatever it was always about his selfish needs! What he did to you wrong! I say dump him immediately or he will think this is okay in the future! He DID rape you and it IS a BIG deal! Sorry it just brings up old bitter memories!

 

[Ocomi]

BLUF (bottom line up front) : Go get a morning after pill

When I first started reading this... I thought
"Hmmm... Your argument, me boyo, is that it will be bad sex? That's how you're trying to convince me to have sex with you?"
"But don't worry! Just a few seconds & it will be over!"
Blink. Blink. The answer just changed from no... to oh hell no.
Seriously... "Put it in" ???? WTF? Is he 12? 12 might excuse that level of idiocy.

And then I kept reading. Ah f*ck.

Especially for those of us who have been violently raped... "Non-consensual sex" just doesn't seem to meet the bar, does it? It does. Which may take you a few years of distance, and being with good men to realize. It's a special kind of cowardice, this kind of sexual assault. Right down there with drugging your victim.

 

[Uvuk]

This was Rape

 

[Ifegu]

Sounds like an "Ex-boyfriend" to me!

Whether it rises to the level of "rape" or not is irrelevant. He's selfish and doesn't value you, or your feelings and opinions, enough to be SO material. You deserve to be in a relationship with someone who actually cares about you and values you. Grounds for ending the relationship right there, before it gets any worse, as far as I'm concerned. And, it quite possibly will get worse, if he gets comfortable with the idea that whatever HE wants is all that matters to you too.

 

[Ape]

How has he started to change a lot?

He has started being disrespectful towards me in other ways too. Yelling or swearing over nothing. There have been some big changes in his life so I was hoping to give him time to adjust but now I'm not sure.

Thanks for all of the support and advice.

 

[Socezo]

I said no again and tried to push him away but he just did it anyway. He couldn't get in at first because I was so tense. He had to try a few times. I kept saying no no no and pushing him off. When he finally penetrated I froze. He kept going for a few seconds and then stopped. Afterwards he was just acting normal.

I'm sorry, but your boyfriend just raped you. That is not the type of person you want in your life, and if he's doing that now, it will only get worse later in life. Quite honestly, you need to confront him and even report him... he raped you.

 

[Citug]

Well I confronted him... He tried to do the same thing again today. This time I used a more assertive tone when I told him not to. I wondered if yesterday might have just been a communication error as I was much less assertive then. Today I kept trying to pull away from him and telling him that I wouldn't do it. He eventually gave up but not straight away. He was obviously annoyed. He has always been very respectful in when it comes to sex until lately. Why would he change? We have been arguing a lot all of the sudden. I think maybe he is angry with me. One day I caught him looking at me and his expression made me feel unsettled. I think I am going to break it off before things get any worse.

 

[Redad]

yeah you are better off before he does worse. no does not mean try to put it in for a few .. its no... any man who really cares about you would take no as no...

 

[Aho]

I think I am going to break it off before things get any worse.

Absolutely. The fact that he tried to do it again... he has zero respect for you now. Abusers don't jump in and start abusing you, they ease their way into it, little by little, that way you become accustomed to it and struggle to identify whether you're being abused, or excusing their behaviour as just the way they are.

Get out now... seriously... this person is an abuser in the making who has raped you. Don't internalise and self-blame about assertiveness, NO means NO. It doesn't get any simpler than that. Even trying to dump him he will make excuses, tell you he'll never do it again, and he will do it again... it's just more manipulation and tricks to wear you down into his behavioural pattern.

I'm sorry, but I've been in the middle of sex and women have said stop, wait, and regardless of their reasons to do so, I've stopped instantly and got off of them and then talked. No means No. Stop means Stop. A person has that right all the time, even during sex. Your body is your body, and you alone get to make the choices for it at all times, and this guy has zero respect for your choices.

 

[Itodi]

Ive been in a bad relationship before and was extra vigilant for warning signs with this guy but now I look at it he has crossed my boundries more than once in a whole range of ways. I don't know how I missed it. My ex was abusive in different ways to this bf. i guess i was looking in the wrong places