Explaining Ptsd To A New Gf /bf: Film Portrayals Of Ptsd

[Anarchy]

I'm slowly building up the courage to try dating again after a long period (several years) of self isolation. It's actually ten years since I last started a relationship.

It is only since August 2014, that I've accepted that I actually do have PTSD, and can now see the devastation that my un recognized behaviours (isolation, long periods of emotional flashbacks, my reacting to my fears and the past rather than the events in the present, negative thinking... ) have wrought on my past relationships - and during the long periods of isolation that I had between those relationships.

perhaps this is optimistic or tempting fate, but, I'm planning gentle ways to break the news when I do find myself in something that is shaping up to be a relationship.

One thought is using a film portrayal - and I'm specifically thinking of the Swedish films of the "girl with the dragon tatoo" trilogy

It quite clearly shows (IMHO) portrayals of triggering, reactions to past events that appear to be over reaction to present events, flashbacks, isolation and dissociation

I can also claim that I don't think that my wierdness is quite as far out as the character in the film, although that's a subjective assessment.

Does anyone have any other suggestions for good film portrayals of PTSD, or experience of ways of breaking the news, and whether it went well or went badly?

 

[Momofthree]

First off I LOVE THAT MOVIE(s)!! and think that is a great idea! I may have to have my boyfriend watch them now :) one thing my boyfriend and I did after we established that we were going to really make a go of this was to make a rule that: I'm not allowed to break up with him when I am triggered. If I want to break off the relationship I have to do it when I am level headed and not freaking out about something from my past. It has worked wonderfully so far, I have tried to break up with him over a dozen times in 6 months but every time he weathers the storm with me and doesn't leave when I am screaming at him that I hate him and never want to see him again or something to that effect. He understands that I it is the PTSD and not me and he is vary patient. I hope that helps, good luck, this is a big step you should be proud of yourself.

 

[digger]

https://www.myptsd.com/threads/fictional-characters-with-ptsd-movies-film-tv-and-literature.37391/
Might be worth checking this thread for more suggestions :)

 

[Deleted member 1860]

If you're just like the portrayals in the movies, then I can see where this could be beneficial. I know I am not in that category so that's why I prefer to take the "you're going to get to know MY ptsd" route instead of trying to break someone in by trying to explain PTSD via another source (therapy books excluded).

My one concern is that these sorts of portrayals can be quite scary to someone on the outside. Well, not so much in the sense of seeing it on the screen, but if you show someone a popular culture portrayal of PTSD and then say 'hey, guess what? That's me!' then that in and of itself may be too much for them to handle.

If you do use the movie route, I would say that you should use that as a way to give them a DEEPER understanding of PTSD, not a basic introduction. That is, you'd first start out by disclosing that you have PTSD. If that goes well, then you can move on to explaining your symptoms and triggers. If that goes well, and they need to understand more, then perhaps now is the time to watch movie portrayals of PTSD.

But, whatever you do, don't dump the movie on someone you just met....at the same time you disclose your PTSD. That's entirely too much for someone to handle all at once. Of course I avoid movies like this for the most part, but another concern of mine is that if these movies are TOO real, TOO disturbing, that you can unknowingly place pain on your supporter if they know too much of what we deal with. Yeah, I'm very much in the camp of "I want a supporter who supports, true understanding isn't necessary and could even be problematic as I don't want anyone to truly know the hell I've been through"

 

[sun seeker]

There are several good portrayals in the Grey's Anatomy series, particularly in Season 7. Not exactly a movie I know. I like this because it's fairly realistic, as opposed to some shows where people go through trauma after trauma and emerge unaffected. There is an ongoing thread in Grey's where one of the doctors is an Iraq vet and his ability to be in a relationship is affected. Then at the end of Season 6 there is a huge trauma involving the whole hospital, and the following season is largely about how the survivors are affected and putting their lives back together (or not). My one criticism is about the scenes where the characters are in therapy. They way oversimplify how much difference having someone to talk to makes in my opinion.

Can you tell I'm a fan?

 

[Friday]

If someone told me they were like the Girl in the Dragon tattoo? I'd run.

And I not only like her, but have PTSD.

Hint: People make associations. You probably don't want to have them associate, murder/torture/death/revenge with you.

So choose your movie wisely. Ideally it won't be a horror flick, or near genre.

 

[Kintsugi]

I dislike most media portrayals of PTSD. Frankly, the best media I've found for myself is All Quiet on the Western Front, which is about WWI and was first published in 1928 by the German veteran Erich Maria Remarque. Back then, of course, it was "shell shock" and very badly understood. Remarque does an extraordinary job of weaving PTSD into the very tone of the novel, which is particularly remarkable because of how poorly understood PTSD was.

I was okay with the Tony Stark/Iron Man depiction of PTSD. Hated the Wolverine flavor in Origins--all "ticking time bomb" stereotyping to me. CW's series Arrow actually does pretty well with the character of Oliver Queen, but it's highly oblique and probably only noticeable to sufferers and perhaps psychologists/trauma therapists.

My two cents. I haven't seen or read Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, so I can't comment on the depiction therein.

 

[Ladyghosthunter]

The majority of the cast of The Walking Dead

 

[Anarchy]

But, whatever you do, don't dump the movie on someone you just met....at the same time you disclose your PTSD. That's entirely too much for someone to handle all at once. Of course I avoid movies like this for the most part, but another concern of mine is that if these movies are TOO real, TOO disturbing, that you can unknowingly place pain on your supporter if they know too much of what we deal with. Yeah, I'm very much in the camp of "I want a supporter who supports, true understanding isn't necessary and could even be problematic as I don't want anyone to truly know the hell I've been through"

If someone told me they were like the Girl in the Dragon tattoo? I'd run.

And I not only like her, but have PTSD.

Hint: People make associations. You probably don't want to have them associate, murder/torture/death/revenge with you.

Good points, if followed up by an invitation to meet my family for Sunday lunch (her male relatives probably score way over 30 on the Hare psycopathy checklist), I guess the comparison with the "girl with/who" stories could kill all known new relationships, stone dead.

The PTSD bits in the Swedish films ( Noomi Rapace playing "the girl" *) are quite subtle - someone who doesn't have or understand PTSD and long term complex trauma in particular, would probably miss them or dismiss the behaviours as stroppy or weird, but yeah - it does invite questions of "what happened to you?" and the need to explain that I don't even know the whole story myself because it is still too damaging to me to go there.

I guess the first stage of breaking the news that I have PTSD is to explain some grounding and soothing techniques, to stress that my reactions are not necessarily to the present, and that I don't have access to my full set of rational abilities when I'm flashing back or stressed, and that they probably won't be fully back for some time after that.

Also to make sure that she knows how to protect herself from the dangers of falling into co-dependency and that she must never try to be a "therapist" or rescuer...

yeah, I think I'd run away from me.

Frankly, the best media I've found for myself is All Quiet on the Western Front, which is about WWI and was first published in 1928 by the German veteran Erich Maria Remarque. Back then, of course, it was "shell shock" and very badly understood. Remarque does an extraordinary job of weaving PTSD into the very tone of the novel, which is particularly remarkable because of how poorly understood PTSD was.

Thanks Simon, added to my reading list
______________________________
*- the American film with Patricia Rooney-Mara playing "the girl", is good, but IMO not as good as the Swedish films

 

[Friday]

Not our disorder... But have you seen the movie Maze? Bout a man with Tourette's. I thought it did this really, really amazing job with the concept of deserving love / what bothers one person doesn't even blip the radar of someone else.

 

[Anarchy]

Hi Friday, no, I haven't seen it yet.

There was a guy with tourettes a year younger than me at boarding school. Long story cut very short, he suddenly fell ill and died the September after I left school.

17 year old boys don't tend to just drop dead, and there's nothing about tourettes that does that to people either. I've a strong suspicion that it was the drugs he was stuffed full of, to save other people from being embarrassed by the things he shouted, that killed him.

I'm only realizing now (it's over 3 whole decades since I left school) that the deputy headmaster was an out and out narcissist, and bloody nasty with it. That little turd set the whole abusive tone of the place, he was protector for all of the sadistic bullies, the price of his protection was to stroke his ego and crawl up his arse.

we'd all be sat in morning assembly, and the guy with tourettes would start shouting the narcissist jerk's name at the top of his voice.

"W!"
"W!!"
"F*ck W! F*ck W! F*ck W!"

At the time, we all believed that he couldn't actually control the shouts, I know now that he could control it, under the cover of his condition, he was able to do what none of the rest of us dared to do, and stick it to that little prick.

The narc died about ten years back. Cancer. I was still under the gas lit illusion that he was well meaning when I heard of his death, and was sort of sad. Not now.

 

[Purplemunchkin]

I used to be the new girlfriend of a sufferer. All I really knew at the start was that he had PTSD caused by his experiences as a police officer. I didn't really know what that meant, and he was in a post-hospitalisation denial of 'well they let me out without medication so I must be ok now' so neither did he.

The thing with using films, TV, etc is what do they actually portray? To a potential supporter I mean. Hubby and I have seen PTSD played on the screen and it's always interesting to watch. Sometimes he will say that they do a good job of verbalising how he feels/thinks/experiences things. But I have never seen anything that reflects how I see his behaviour or reactions when he is triggered or stressed.

I think it is important to tell a new partner early on that you have PTSD. If you can, tell them how it affects your life.

I can't really explain it without boring you too much, but knowing he had PTSD gave me something to deal with when he had a major episode two weeks after we met. If I didn't know about the PTSD before it happened, I honestly can't say whether I would have stuck around to find out about it afterwards.