P
Pude
this is very long winded, but I have to get it out of my chest. My boyfriend is an amazing man, but suffered some insecurity after losing his job, which led us to be stuck with roommates and he is overly attached to his friends.
It might not have much to do with my PTSD, or maybe it does. I don't know. I find myself not wanting to be around people. I have barely had time to gather myself over the years and I'm tired of having to share our whole lives with others. Please bear with me as I rant.
When I got pregnant, my boyfriend said that we would get a place of our own. When I was a live-in nanny, being pregnant was too much and so I was told to get out. Homeless and jobless.
Anyway, he had a successful career but his job was outsourced. I ended up moving in with him, since my parents refused to help me, and was forced to live with also his female and male roommate, a couple, and brought my son. Now, we are raising two kids and we have not moved in the past two years. He signed a one year lease without telling me because "It was cheaper."
I had my name removed from an apartment waiting list for myself, because I agreed that we would live together.
I feel like this is bullshit. I am really pissed off about it right now for whatever reason. There are only three months left and he's already saying, "If we need to, we can go month to month." ARE YOU KIDDING ME!?!?! I JUST WANT A NORMAL FAMILY WITHOUT THE FRIENDS BEING A PART OF IT EVERY SINGLE DAMN DAY.
We have dinner together. We have to share Christmas together. Easter. Thanksgiving. Every holiday. Every birthday. Nothing is sacred. We have to share breakfasts together. I wake up and they're there. I go to bed and they're there. I wake up in the morning and for some reason, he has left the damn door open for the dog, but they're walking right past the door and they're there. I'm breastfeeding and they're right there.
The girl is nosey a bit, so she goes in the bathroom and has a look when she wants. Has a look in the bedroom. Peaks in to see what the f*ck we are doing. Implies that I'm a bad mother. First day she said to me, "I hope you're with the man for the man and not the man for the house." Other times, she's insulting my parenting skills and shouts out loudly among groups, "I CAN'T BELIEVE HOW MUCH SHE LETS HIM GET AWAY WITH," because he was four and handed a dog a piece of kibble. F*** her. But she "hates children and would never have them."
Obviously, if I were with the man for the house I would have found a man with a house without other people in it. I wasn't thinking about it but then when I hear him and the girl talking I just want to knock her out. I won't, of course, but I deeply desire to just shut them up. I am sick and tired of having to "share" my boyfriend because everything has to do with his "fake" family.
It isn't his real family, but his parents are gone, so his friends are his family to him and that means, I have had to share our new family with all of these people and I'm so tired of it. I just want a normal adult life with my children and with the guy that I plan to marry without waking up to these people every freaking day. They have helped us out a lot, which I am grateful for, but that doesn't mean I want to share my family life.
He says this is the only family he has, but I would like our family to begin. To him, everything is spectacular. To me, this is all a waste and our family hasn't even had a chance to grow.
I have tried to talk to him about it, but he tells me I don't understand the "sentimental value." I told him I'm not doing it another year, and he seemed hurt by that. I'm annoyed that she does the strangest things to seemingly catch his attention.
For instance, while I'm in the room working, she'll come out and leave her boyfriend and have casual chit chat with him until I arrive and then she'll finally hide away, or spend 10 minutes literally washing absolutely nothing just to stand there which makes absolutely no sense. Sometimes, I feel a little excited because I think since someone has been standing at the sink for 40 minutes with the water running, the dishes must have been washed for a change, but no. It's just her standing there pretending to do f*** all, so that she can be paid attention to while her boyfriend is out. Woop-dee-f*cking-do.
This isn't his fault, obviously, and he hasn't done anything wrong. But I really can't say anything in my normal life and I have been dying to get it out of my chest.
It might not have much to do with my PTSD, or maybe it does. I don't know. I find myself not wanting to be around people. I have barely had time to gather myself over the years and I'm tired of having to share our whole lives with others. Please bear with me as I rant.
When I got pregnant, my boyfriend said that we would get a place of our own. When I was a live-in nanny, being pregnant was too much and so I was told to get out. Homeless and jobless.
Anyway, he had a successful career but his job was outsourced. I ended up moving in with him, since my parents refused to help me, and was forced to live with also his female and male roommate, a couple, and brought my son. Now, we are raising two kids and we have not moved in the past two years. He signed a one year lease without telling me because "It was cheaper."
I had my name removed from an apartment waiting list for myself, because I agreed that we would live together.
I feel like this is bullshit. I am really pissed off about it right now for whatever reason. There are only three months left and he's already saying, "If we need to, we can go month to month." ARE YOU KIDDING ME!?!?! I JUST WANT A NORMAL FAMILY WITHOUT THE FRIENDS BEING A PART OF IT EVERY SINGLE DAMN DAY.
We have dinner together. We have to share Christmas together. Easter. Thanksgiving. Every holiday. Every birthday. Nothing is sacred. We have to share breakfasts together. I wake up and they're there. I go to bed and they're there. I wake up in the morning and for some reason, he has left the damn door open for the dog, but they're walking right past the door and they're there. I'm breastfeeding and they're right there.
The girl is nosey a bit, so she goes in the bathroom and has a look when she wants. Has a look in the bedroom. Peaks in to see what the f*ck we are doing. Implies that I'm a bad mother. First day she said to me, "I hope you're with the man for the man and not the man for the house." Other times, she's insulting my parenting skills and shouts out loudly among groups, "I CAN'T BELIEVE HOW MUCH SHE LETS HIM GET AWAY WITH," because he was four and handed a dog a piece of kibble. F*** her. But she "hates children and would never have them."
Obviously, if I were with the man for the house I would have found a man with a house without other people in it. I wasn't thinking about it but then when I hear him and the girl talking I just want to knock her out. I won't, of course, but I deeply desire to just shut them up. I am sick and tired of having to "share" my boyfriend because everything has to do with his "fake" family.
It isn't his real family, but his parents are gone, so his friends are his family to him and that means, I have had to share our new family with all of these people and I'm so tired of it. I just want a normal adult life with my children and with the guy that I plan to marry without waking up to these people every freaking day. They have helped us out a lot, which I am grateful for, but that doesn't mean I want to share my family life.
He says this is the only family he has, but I would like our family to begin. To him, everything is spectacular. To me, this is all a waste and our family hasn't even had a chance to grow.
I have tried to talk to him about it, but he tells me I don't understand the "sentimental value." I told him I'm not doing it another year, and he seemed hurt by that. I'm annoyed that she does the strangest things to seemingly catch his attention.
For instance, while I'm in the room working, she'll come out and leave her boyfriend and have casual chit chat with him until I arrive and then she'll finally hide away, or spend 10 minutes literally washing absolutely nothing just to stand there which makes absolutely no sense. Sometimes, I feel a little excited because I think since someone has been standing at the sink for 40 minutes with the water running, the dishes must have been washed for a change, but no. It's just her standing there pretending to do f*** all, so that she can be paid attention to while her boyfriend is out. Woop-dee-f*cking-do.
This isn't his fault, obviously, and he hasn't done anything wrong. But I really can't say anything in my normal life and I have been dying to get it out of my chest.
