Allowing Yourself To Cry

[Cool Cat]

I've been told that in order to connect with my emotions I need to allow myself to cry.

Even though I really want to cry in therapy, and have even posted a few threads in here about it, I can't.

Every time I come close I do something to bring me back, I don't allow it. Even though I want to.

My T says for me to cry in therapy I need to allow myself to cry in therapy.

 

[Em C.]

Your T might be right and, not sure if this helps, but I've never been able to cry in therapy. It just hasn't happened. I tend not to trust myself to cry in any public space (which I consider therapy to be one). Maybe you need to let yourself cry with a friend first or something if you feel more safe with them?

*hugs* if you want them

 

[Glara]

I'm a supporter, I don't have ptsd myself, but I definately have some issues. As far as crying goes, I can't cry in front of anyone. When I was 5 my father was trying to teach my to ride a bike. I wasn't getting it so he got angry and yelled at me. I went in the house and ran upstairs to cry with my Brownie bear. He came up after me and yelled at me for crying and tore up my teddy bear. I learned not to cry in public that day.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

I think that it may help to work on crying when you're by yourself first. If your T is telling you to cry in session, I think it may feel like a 'cry on demand' sort of thing. I know I'd have a hard time doing it. :hug:s

 

[WillyKat]

Just a thought: it seems like there's too much pressure here. Crying isn't the goal here, allowing yourself to have feelings is the goal. And to do that, they hypervigilance level needs to decrease, and to do that, you need to feel safe. If you can do all that, the crying will come.

Ever gone fishing and get your line in a gigantic snarl? It's a lot like that, only you don't have the option of cutting the line.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I am unable to cry. Rarely do I cry. I was not allowed to cry as a child and I did cry as a young adult, but even with nine years of therapy I am unable to cry.

 

[Just tryin to heal]

Every time I come close I do something to bring me back, I don't allow it. Even though I want to.

I am the same way have been forever. But with me it is because during the time frame when I was abused it would make it worse if I did. One of the many many things I have to work on.

 

[Hope4Now]

I wish I could cry. The few times I have, I have felt much better. But it has to just come when you're ready, not when you are pressuring yourself or feeling any pressure to do so. The first couple of months I was in therapy, my therapist used to put the kleenex box near me because I think once I said that I was afraid I would cry. He said lots of nice things in an attempt to make me feel safe to cry. He doesn't do it anymore. It will come eventually. I know it will for me. But it has been almost a year and a half and not even close. What @WillyKat said is bullseye.

 

[JEKBreatheandBelieve]

Sometimes I cry and it feels like there will never be an end. Sometimes I cannot allow myself to cry and it really would help in those moments. Sometimes it's different parts of me that keep me from crying. Sometimes crying really does help and sometimes it doesn't. I think that you definitely don't want to put too much pressure on yourself to cry. Accept that it is hard for you to do. And also reassure yourself that it is okay to cry. Perhaps it wasn't safe to cry as a kid so you could reassure yourself that you are an adult and it's safe to cry now. Maybe you've already tried that. But I do think you shouldn't put too much pressure on yourself to cry. I don't think the pressure would help make it any easier.

 

[Friday]

Do you think your therapist is making an individualized statement about your needing to cry, or a generalized one?

Not everyone cries. Yet they may still be very connected to their emotions.

Do you have trouble connecting with & expressing (2 very different things, by the way) other emotions aside from sadness/grief? Can you smile, laugh, frown, glare, look afraid, look lovingly, etc.? If not, I might suggest practicing connecting with and expressing other emotions, first.

I can see how if crying is the only emotion you cannot connect with or express that it would be #1 on the lineup... But it baffles me why some therapists choose tears as the first emotion to track down and link up as fully operational.

 

[shimmerz]

I am with @JEKBreatheandBelieve . Crying is NOT the thing to do for me. There are too many memories wrapped up in crying for me and I literally cannot stop unless heavily drugged.

But it baffles me why some therapists choose tears as the first emotion to track down and link up as fully operational.

Agreed. I feel that there may be so much lurking under tears that it seems wrong to dig into this aggressively.

 

[Cool Cat]

Thanks guys!! It's not like he's telling me to cry. He's aware that I want to cry, I'm aware that I want to cry. Recently in sessions I've had many times when I nearly cried and then just semi-deliberately disacociated or tried to snap out of it. He says I have to 'allow myself to cry' if I am to cry, but I'm not sure how to do that because I am so afraid of crying.