Dissassociation - Can Someone Explain It

[darrenS]

I recently became aware that i spend most of my time disassociated, i am aware i dissociate and have for many years , but im unaware of the negatives. I always thought i was spacing out or leaving the situation because the stress became to great, and recently my therapist who i have started back with made comments and became shocked when i explained that its a regular feature of my day. I truly thought it was normal , i do suffer it to varying degrees with the worst being hours of almost comatose behaviour and yes i dont see that as normal, but the normal day will encompass a period or two. I dont lose it or become agressive or anything like that, i just sit quietly spaced out, but i do have trouble understanding the whole concept and why it is viewed as negative and i say that in all honesty...im ignorant to its many aspects and am looking for insight and info

 

[Nam]

I wonder about this too. I've been known to space out especially if I'm depressed. When I'm living in the present (which I don't think is something you can make yourself do...like making yourself awake when you are tired. But there are other things you can do to make it more feasible.), my mind is in a different place. It enjoys the stimulation and the self talk is positive. I remind myself that this is how it's supposed to be.

I have not understood how someone makes themselves not dissociate. It's something that I just slip into without realizing it. Sometimes it's the need to blink that brings me out, sometimes it's because my pasta water is boiling over, or sometimes it's a kid asking me what I'm staring at. I read in a book that some other ways of "dissociation" is with deliberate distraction like books, web surfing, tv watching, and eating. IMO, lots of people do that.

There is varying degrees in it. I don't think having several in one day is abnormal. I space out at least twice a day, especially toward evening hours. Not sure how comforting that is because my doctor was blown away that I have intrusive thoughts pretty much several times a day. I consider that my "normal".

All that to say that it's a coping method that you needed. In fact, you still might need it. After a while, you won't need it as much. But I wouldn't beat yourself over it. I will say that dissociating does hamper the quality of life. But...you know, a drop in the bucket.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

It's considered a bad thing because while you originally did it to keep your mind safe, now it has the opposite effect in that when you are dissociated, you are unsafe, ie if you aren't grounded in the present, you are less able to keep yourself safe. I hope that makes sense.

 

[Hope4Now]

I recently became aware that i spend most of my time disassociated,

Me too. I'd never really understood the term until last year. I've done it all my life in all sorts of different ways. Just thought it was normal for everybody.

i do have trouble understanding the whole concept and why it is viewed as negative

Here's what I've learned. Dissociation is adaptive behavior. There are all different kinds and they fall on a spectrum from mild to severe, from harmless to dangerous. It was a life-saving survival response at the time(s) of trauma; it prevented the core self from annihilation by blocking the physical/emotional overwhelm. Now, however, when we are not in a traumatic situation, it is a response that prevents us from processing the normal and healthy emotional flow of each day, and from living life fully and engaging with others deeply. Many kinds of dissociation are the opposite of hyperarousal/panic/anxiety, but they all link back to fear.

For many of us, the first step is being aware that we're doing it and not beating ourselves up about it, but gently bringing attention to what physical or emotional experiences or needs we're reacting to. We can't truly get to know who we are as full and complex people if we're always dissociated. And we'll keep dissociating if we can't learn different strategies for tolerating and processing physical and emotional experience. All the research out there points to the importance of approaches that work with the body as well as the mind...somatic therapies, yoga, etc. There is a good book that's listed somewhere here on the site called Coping with Trauma-Related Dissociation by Boon, Steel, and Van Der Hart.

 

[Lucycat]

I always thought i was spacing out or leaving the situation because the stress became to great

You have explained it yourself. This is a very good description of what dissociation actually is.

 

[WillyKat]

@Hope4Now is right.

We humans share this adaptive trait with many, many (most? all?) other species. When threatened, humans have the option to fight, flee (flight), or dissociate. (There's a fourth I think but damned if I can remember it.) When fighting or flying (fleeing, running away) won't work, either because the threat is too powerful, too fast, or both, dissociation is a way to shut down certain brain areas and become sort of dumbstruck or spaced out. By reaching that state, you become no threat and no flight risk to an attacker and so increase your odds of living through the situation so that you can one day contribute to the gene pool.

While dissociated, certain brain areas reduce function if not shut off altogether. These functions turn out to be those that record normal events as memories you can recall later. Simultaneously, the brain areas that control fear are running at full tilt, and they don't really record data but sort of retain the fear state. Now this is a super gross oversimplification of something that's really pretty complex. There's quite a bit of research going on in this area.

In a good scenario, you live and get a chance to socialize with loved ones, process the event, be comforted, and so on. That way, what happens gets integrated as normal memory, the state of fear relaxes, and you go on with life. Where this whole system doesn't work so well is when you don't receive comfort, you don't process the event as normal memory. Your body sort of stores the fear and you become hypervigilant for anything that reminds you of the traumatic event. And when you sense a reminder, you get triggered and once again, dissociate as if you're re-experiencing.

Don't worry too much about not fully understanding dissociation. It's very complex and is after all about the human brain. We know more about outer space than the earth's deep oceans, and we know more about the deep oceans than we do about the human brain.

 

[Nam]

When threatened, humans have the option to fight, flee (flight), or dissociate. (There's a fourth I think but damned if I can remember it.)

Fawn. The co-dependent one.

 

[watundah]

Everyone dissociates. The big example all of the articles like to use is when driving in a car - many folks arrive home and can't remember the drive home. Zoned out. To me, I want to learn to stop dissociation so I can get in touch with my feelings. I know that I numb out in therapy because I am avoiding the pain, the fear, and won't heal until I let myself feel. It's an altered state of reality that prevents us from truly experiencing all of life.

 

[darrenS]

Thanks so much for all the helpful responses , it certainly makes sense and gives me a greater understanding of why it is a problem

 

[shimmerz]

Sometimes I like to reverse engineer stuff. I found this article on integration today which describes, from the authors perspective how it feels to no longer dissociate.

Link Removed

This might help what the cons of dissociation are. Hope it helps.

 

[Deleted member 28812]

I am not sure what dissassociation is. Can anyone explain it for dummies please. My husband sometimes speaks of himself in the third person singular like "then he saw ...". Is it that?

 

[watundah]

DID is only one form of dissociation. There are several types and DID seems the most extreme, IMO. It can apply to everything from numbing out to forgetting time episodes to developing alters.