The Emotions Questions Of Ptsd

[emz315]

Hi There,

Okay i have a questions for all those PTSD relationships out their. Currently my partner with combat PTSD is hitting rock bottom as he says it. He has voiced to me that he currently does not want to be touched and even hugging (although he will do if i ask) ...... kissing is also no go atm!!!.... and forget intimacy too.... he has voiced to me just the other day that right now " He just does not want to be touched" and that it takes so much energy out of him when he does....he said because he is fighting whats in his head and emotional stuff but he finds it hard to explain. Can someone please explain this to me so i can get a better understanding of what he meant??? he also said that the world Love and emotions right now can make him sick and feels like throwing up. He also continues to voice to me at times " why would you want any of this" ..." what are you going to gain being in this.... you do not deserve for me to put you through this" ..... however still continues to try with me everyday when he is able. Also how do i respond too " what are you going to gain being in this with me right now"???? i found it hard to respond to that statement..... i just reassured him that it was not a decision for him to make and it was up too me not him. ?? help....

 

[emz315]

Can i also add that my partner has also stated that " we have been brought up in two very different worlds" my family life had mum and dad and my sibblings with alot of love... his family life had his mum and dad they had him and then seperated and divorced and then had their own families which he felt as he never belonged in either family (feeling like an outcast) he has also said that " we enjoy different things and that he cant enjoy even right now " any thoughts on these comments too... i usually write everything down after i speak to him about stuff especially when his testing me with questions when his hitting rock bottom.

 

[darrenS]

i had similar responses to my ex-wife, l let the negative take hold and left the marriage in the belief she would be better off , i let my illness not only get the best of me but it took the best from me as well. I can only say it must be sheer hell at times for supporters. Even though we are seperated my ex wife tries in many ways to support me (we are still very good friends) .

We have devised strategies for when im in a bad space. If i make any negative comments about the marriage , friendship etc , she immediately responds with i am your friend and you are worth supporting, she has developed a series of positive responses , that not only save her from my vortex and being sucked in , but also give her the ability to stand back and see the illness talking , she no longer takes negative statements personally, and as such is able to offer support without feeling burned.

We also have clear boundaries, if i become aggressive or start cussing (which is a sign im at my limits) over the phone or in emails or even person, then immediately i am warned (kindly of course) if it continues she knows not to respond but ignore until im in a better space.

I have also started a simple exercise , when i sink i tend to verbally attack the ones i love and many times i never realized it , i do the same if im triggered . Because most of my communication is with my ex wife , i have a small note pinned on my monitor reminding me to be clear, kind and calm in my interactions with her, of course in simpler language. And it may seem strange but i regularly think of one good thing she has done for me (on a daily basis) , this subconsciously allows me to build a safe trust within myself towards her and has allowed me to overcome many barriers in communication..

 

[chicken sammich]

Hi. What he is telling you is pretty direct. He is not physically able to fulfill your needs at the present. This is where you decide to be uber patient and back off, or break ties. Is this a new relationship? Also a very important factor is if he is seeking help for his PTSD professionally. If he is or not, you can encourage him to seek help at this time. Be his friend, that is what you can do. I am sorry you feel so down. It isn't easy but just take good care of yourself. You are a good person to care for him. Keep the faith. xo

 

[emz315]

@patiomermaid we have been with eachother for nearly a year at the moment it feels like an exclusive friendship but still together if that makes sense.... im guessing alot of ppl feel like this when the other shuts down. Leaving is not an option for me right now and we dont want to lose eachother...its kind of going back to when we first went out seeing eachother etc...

His seeing a clin psych atm 2 days a week, he feels terrible he cant give me what i deserve right now, we are still willing to be patient and seeing eachother just one day a week atm calling and text during week.

I would rather have him in my life at giving 20% me 80% atm then not at all. I know its give and take but he still does that in his 20% right now by trying and thats all i can ask. I know i can hold on but how much can the heart/love take before you need to walk away?

Xo

 

[chicken sammich]

You are a good person. Just take it day by day. I have similar ups and downs with the physical/intimate and my boyfriend. He is also trying and he also attends the VA and takes meds....which have a huge impact on his libido. He is worth it to me to, and I have to be patient. We're in this together girlfriend!

 

[emz315]

@patiomermaid how long have you been with your boyfriend if you dont mind me asking? do you live together or do you sometimes also feel like its a friendship/roommate feeling? im just trying to see if this is the norm impact on a supporter with a boyfriend with PTSD?

 

[Friday]

Use this example from time to time... Usually when I get asked the love-thing. But is also applies to the touch-thing. Ever had the stomach flu? Food poisoning?

How much, when you're bent over worshiping the porcelain throne and not even caring about your hair anymore, do you want your favorite food? Yeah. Not at all. And if someone brings in a great big steaming sizzling plate of it? Even the thought can cause you to break out in a pricking sweat & have your mount fill with saliva, and oh god. No. No no no no. I'm gonna be sick! Much less the smell. Take it away! Please. And actually eating it? They've brought it into the bathroom for you, to be sweet? Body completely rebels.

It's still your favorite food. Tomorrow, or next week, or whenever you're no longer sick as blazes? Chow time :D Mmmmmm... So. Amazingly. Good. Heaven.

But when you're sick? Just can't handle it. It's not that you don't like it, love it, want some more of it when you're well. It doesn't make you sick. It's when you're already sick. Its too much.

 

[emz315]

@darrenS is there a chance you will both work it out?

 

[chicken sammich]

We've been together for 5 months. We do not live together. We had a terrible night last night, and I lost it. Not sure if I'm going to make it. I have a lot on my plate and in my mind. Eh, I'm human. Day by day.... but right now it feels more like second by second....

 

[darrenS]

@darrenS is there a chance you will both work it out?

i really dont know , i would like to , but my ptsd has wrought a lot of damage , so its difficult to say

 

[holdenmonty]

addressing the opening post. I can relate because before I started my meds and about the first two weeks after starting my meds if I was having a really rough day it took all I had left to show my wife and boys that I love them. I'm thinking it's because he is putting so much focus on battling what is going on in his mind that he doesn't have the capacity to show love at the moment or if he shows love to you then it will take his focus off him battling what is going in his head and then the thoughts in his head might take over.