Kick Abusers Out Of Your Life... ...unless They Are...

[Anarchy]

I've been trying to work out how to start a thread about institutional analysis for several months. @Solara 's thread https://www.myptsd.com/threads/kick-abusers-out-of-your-life.50862/ has given me the idea for a lead-in that I've been looking for.

biological parents are not the only institution that gets a free pass to keep on abusing.

Can you expand on this [DLMURL="https://www.myptsd.com/c/members/28019/"]@Anarchy[/DLMURL]? Don't want to derail the thread but am interested in this statement.

I think we all have a fairly good idea of what constitutes abusive actions, when it is an ordinary, mundane individual who is carrying out the action

However as @Solara 's thread points out, if that individual is conducting the action within the institution of "family" they may well get a free pass to continue.

What of other institutions? and what when the abusive action is referred to by a different sounding name?

Put a costume, or a badge on an abuser, allude to some warm and fluffy intent for their employer, and suddenly many people's cognition of the action changes entirely.

I am expecting this thread to be highly contentious. Please let's keep it to the institutions under which these actions occur. For us to come here, we've all been injured, or are supporting someone who has been. I don't want to turn this into an argument about people here - but rather have it as an exploration of our individual interpersonal boundaries.

 

[Kintsugi]

I presume to know the specific institution you're thinking of most, Anarchy, but I'll put forward a different one.

The prison and "juvenile detention" system is a sick joke. I know we've endured awful things here, and some of us may have succeeded in getting the justice system to place our abusers in prison, and I strongly believe that if the victim wants an assailant jailed, it is their right to seek that recourse.

However, I believe the prison system breeds more violence, more crime, and is ultimately an institution of wild abuse that is counter-productive to reducing violent crime in particular.

The thing is, the abuse that can and does occur within "the system" is typically condoned by the public, at least the surface of it that the public is aware of. I get it. People in prison lose their rights as citizens, and as such all the privileges that are taken from them are justified. I just think this goes way too far. Privatized prison structures are detrimental to reducing crime, and the "system" as a whole--especially the juvenile division of it--increases the liklihood of further crimes being committed by those who get out (for however long they get out--recidivision is a huge problem made worse by the lack of rehabilitative features in prisons).

*Gets off soapbox, drops mic*

 

[moonbeam]

This is interesting. I think Churches, Coaches, Teachers could have abuse that is overlooked.

Inappropriate touching or comments happens on sports teams (sometimes as hazing) from each other as well as coaches. Coaches who get to watch their students change, people grabbing their asses, etc. Plus I'm sure the mascot would have some effect as well.

I am sure there are other institutions where it occurs.

 

[shimmerz]

All right, I will bite. Ummm hmmmm, churches. You all know what one in particular...

 

[Deleted member 1860]

My list of such institutions, off the top of my head....

Churches. Not just the one most famous for this, but all churches. I was abused by a person of the church (protestant).

Schools. Teachers and administrators are entrusted with our children, and oftentimes the last people we expect to harm our kids. My NICE (non-abusing) babysitter ran up against this in the 80's when she and a number of her friends were abused by a teacher. Nobody wanted to believe it, but my mom stood up for all of them.

The police. I've made friends with someone here on the forum dealing with abuse at the hands of the police. I've had my own experiences with being treated like dirt because I have a mental illness. I somehow don't think its extreme paranoia to have a plan in mind for if I am ever arrested. Sit down, shut up, don't fight back and call a lawyer. The biggest thing being SHUT UP so that they can't treat me like I am "mental" and don't find out I have PTSD so they can use it against me. I don't want to risk re-traumatization at the hands of the police.

Medical Professionals. (Pretty much anyone in a medical type field.) Nobody wants to believe that someone you entrust your health to will further damage you.

 

[illusionist]

Any organisation which has power over others has the possibility of a free reign to abuse and cover up...from the local nursery right up to the government imo.

 

[WhisperingUnicorn]

There are abusers in EVERY institution/environment. And people might be abusive in one setting, but seem completely like great people in others .. It's so complicated when you start talking about the role of authority .. I think *accountability* is necessary, but *regulation* isn't necessarily an automatic accountability, cuz if PEOPLE are the problem, the more POWER they have, the more abuse they can commit .. I'm not a fan of a government, for example, misinterpreting a situation and just taking it upon themselves to remove children from their parents. But if there IS evidence of abuse, there needs to be SOME recourse .. so where do we draw the line? *thinking out loud*

~S2B

 

[joeylittle]

What @Simply Simon said. Prisons. I can't speak for any system outside the US, but the US prison system is irresponsible at best and straight-up cruelty at worst. Inhumane. Abusive. Demonstrated to be ineffective. Costly. Any one of those four reasons should be enough to cause change; put them together and you have absolutely no reason for it to continue.

 

[somerandomguy]

There are abusers in EVERY institution/environment.

And let's not overlook that fact that quite often abusers join these groups because it DOES give them free reign to commit these atrocities.

I am quite sure many priests, for example, signed up for the priesthood because it gave them a clear shot at little boys with zero consequences.

Prison guards are another terrific example. And let's not forget cops, who seemingly have been given the all-clear here in the United States to begin open season on anyone whose skin tone isn't some shade of pink.

 

[illusionist]

Often it is the case that there are those who do not commit the abuse, but fear losing their own position within that organisation, or fear discovery of their connection to it being found out (turning a blind eye?) and so it continues.....they know it is wrong and against their beliefs but somehow overlook it for their own ends.

 

[scout86]

Can anyone name an institution where abuse DOESN'T occur? (Because I can't) Anywhere that 2 or more people are gathered together, you have the potential for abuse. Some bureaucracies seem to do a better job of hiding things than others. But maybe the "others" just do such a good job that they actually succeed.

 

[Justmehere]

So why does abuse by authority figures and institutions go on?

Even the law recognizes that abuse by a person in a position of "power, authority, and trust" is particularly damaging and awful. But it happens, and it keeps happening and many stay silent.

I have studied a lot on organizational psychology and even how abusive cults or institutions get formed, and how problems continue, despite people knowing fully what is happening. I got into this subject at a very young age as I tried to understand why the doctors and lawyers and church officials in my family admitted the abuse my brother and I were suffering from and did nothing about it. So it's been a personal and lifelong exploration for me to understand why and how such abuse happens and continues to happen.

I think @Anarchy is asking about an even tougher issue (correct me if I am wrong): What does this mean for us in our individual lives?

I don't want to turn this into an argument about people here - but rather have it as an exploration of our individual interpersonal boundaries.

But if there IS evidence of abuse, there needs to be SOME recourse .. so where do we draw the line? *thinking out loud*

Where do we draw the line?

In reaction to what I grew up in, I have become a chronic whistle blower. I can list 7 officials in three institutions who lost their jobs and who blame it on me - because of a problem with their actions that I found and reported. My therapist once told me that the people in my state are safer today than they were in the past because of action that I took. I'm not sure if I agree... Either way, I have paid a very big price for being willing to document and raise alarm about abuse of power that I have witnessed. The local police dept believes that 2 officers got fired because of me, and a friend who is a civil rights attorney said she has told me she has never seen any one person be so vindictively harassed by the police in her many years of practice. I endured public humiliation - officers following me in public places saying I was crazy or a (anti-gay slur), I often was pulled over for harassment and never given a traffic ticket, and much worse retaliation that I will not share about here.

Our society is as sick as our secrets... and there is a cost to pay for speaking up... "Snitches dig ditches" isn't just a rhyme, but sometimes a reality.

Even writing this makes me cry. There is too big a cost to pay for stay stop, no, that is wrong. Too big.